Phreak: Hello, and welcome to the League of Legends Patch Preview, with my buddy Morello, lead champion designer. So Morello, what do you think about the current state of Urgot, Akali, and Mordekaiser?
Morello: Well, I want to start off by saying that the Urgot nerfs went a little overboard in terms of his range, so we are going to change that up by lowering Katarina's Shunpo range so that Urgot will now only have the second worst zoning capability in the game, instead of "THE" worst. This will ensure him as a higher pick over the flavor of the month Katarina.
Phreak: Akali was thought to be unbalanced for months now, seeing as to how she was a snowball - or - starve type of champion. What did our team do to change that?
Morello: Now Akali is a very interesting subject, and we thought that she needed more a remake than anything. We remade her by lowering Katarina's Bouncing Blade damage by 25%, and now having her mark do 50% of the damage instead of 30, to make Akali seem much more powerful with her Q now that no other champion can compare in damage. To reduce her effect of starvation, we made sure to reduce Katarina's range on her Q so that no one can zone Akali as much.
Phreak: How about Mordekaiser? Many people have debated over numerous patches about what has to be done with Mordekaiser's lack of crowd control and his reliance on items to give him his much needed sustain. What are you going to change and why?
Morello: Well, let me start off by saying that Mordekaiser was a real tough one in terms of balance, mainly because of the problem in which if we gave him passive spell vamp, his shield on top of it would make him near invulnerable in lane. We decided to nerf Katarina's Sinister Steel to ensure that Mordekaiser isn't the worst at early game pushing, but the second worst. We also changed Katarina's shunpo to give her only 10% damage reduction in an attempt to make Mordekaiser's W shield seem much stronger.
Phreak: And that is all we have to say for this patch. We hope you enjoyed our balance changes and would like you to leave your thoughts and suggestions in the comments below. Thank you for watching.
I need to breathe out my soul against Katarina for shredding the basic compact between the people and their government. Instead of focusing on why her cowardly attacks not only demean her victims, they dehumanize all of us and are contrary to the principles of a free society, I would like to remind people that in order to solve the big problems with her we must first understand these problems, and to understand them, we must bring a fresh perspective and new ideas to the current debate. She has inadvertently provided us with an instructive example that I find useful in illustrating certain ideas. By muting the voice of anyone who dares to speak out against her, Katarina makes it clear that she has been trying to convince us that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity. That argument fails to take into account the reality that Katarina's primary goal is to take over society's eyes, ears, mind, and spirit. All of her other objectives are secondary to this one supreme purpose. That's why you must always remember that Katarina should learn to appreciate what she has instead of feeling so oppressed because she can't do everything she wants every time she wants to.
If Katarina doesn't see anything wrong with subverting our country's legal system then perhaps she doesn't deserve all the support she's getting from us. Her fusillades all stem from one, simple, faulty premise, that things have never been better. I am not fooled by Katarina's illogical and eristic rhetoric. I therefore gladly accept the responsibility of notifying others that someone just showed me a memo supposedly written by Katarina. The memo spells out her plans to vandalize our neighborhoods. If this memo is authentic, it tells us that Katarina has called people like me raving showboaters, vengeful sleazy-types, and lamebrained, dangerous barbarians so many times that these accusations no longer have any sting. Katarina definitely continues to employ such insults because she's run out of logical arguments. I suppose an alternate explanation is that you may find it instructive to contrast the things I like with the things that Katarina likes. I like listening to music. Katarina likes transforming our little community into a global crucible of terror and gore. I like kittens and puppies. Katarina likes publishing blatantly pugnacious rhetoric as "education" for children to learn in school. I like spending time with friends. Katarina likes threatening anyone who's bold enough to state that I have seen numerous callow beggars cause nit-picky subversion to gather momentum on college campuses. What's sad is that Katarina tolerates (relishes?) this flagrant violation of democratic principles and the rule of law. That just goes to show that Katarina should judge not lest she be judged. To top that off, Katarina's distasteful apothegms sugarcoat the past and dispense false optimism for the future. Katarina then blames us for that. Now there's a prizewinning example of psychological projection if I've ever seen one.
In the strictest sense, Katarina takes irrationalism to bed with her at night and snuggles up to it as if it were a big, fuzzy teddy bear. It may be more correct, however, to say that her claims are pure tripe. That represents yet more evidence—as if we needed more—that you should be able to live your life the way you want to live it. You shouldn't have to live in fear of Katarina promoting the total destruction of individuality in favor of an all-powerful group.
Katarina can go on saying that her mumpish coalition is a respected civil-rights organization but the rest of us have serious problems to deal with that preclude our indulging in such self-aggrandizing dreams just now. The best available data strongly suggest that she has been dabbling in gangsterism. To enter adequately into details or particulars upon this subject in such a short letter as this is quite out of the question. Hence, I will only remark here, in a general way but with all the emphasis of earnestness and truth, that life isn't fair. We've all known this since the beginning of time, so why is Katarina so compelled to complain about situations over which she has no control? Whatever the answer, we must show Katarina that we are not powerless pedestrians on the asphalt of life. We must show her that we can reach out for things with permanence, things beyond wealth and comfort and pleasure, things that have real meaning. Maybe then Katarina will realize that even when the facts don't fit, she sometimes tries to use them anyway. She still maintains, for instance, that she's a wonderful human being.
Katarina is not only pesky, but she also lacks the self-control necessary to conform her behavior to reasonable norms. No man who values himself, who has any regard for sound morality, or who feels any desire to see intellectual progress made certain, can rightfully join her puerile attempt to reduce us to acute penury. Not to change the subject or anything, but she will probably never understand why she scares me so much. And Katarina clearly does scare me: Her ploys are scary, her manuscripts are scary, and most of all, she deceptively claims that she's listening to our suggestions. The reality, however, is that Katarina is thumbing the scales towards her own stuporous reportages even though she knows that the gloss that her allies put on her stances unfortunately does little to challenge Katarina to defend her antics or else to change them.
I once pointed out to Katarina that I am galled that she's so intent on making libertinism socially acceptable. All I could garner from her ensuing mussitation was some nonsense about how black is white and night is day. It's this sort of vulgar response that leads me to believe that Katarina has been going around saying that cell-phone towers are in fact covert mind-control devices that use scalar waves to beam images into people's brains while they sleep. That's a bit of a furphy. The truth is that Katarina is a big fan of interrogation and torture. Once we realize that, what do we do? The appropriate thing, in my judgment, is to stand uncompromised in a world that's on the brink of Katarina-induced disaster. I say that because this is preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Let me therefore state that if Katarina's plan to spawn delusions of tammanyism's resplendence is to be discouraged then the wisest course of action is to straighten out our thinking and change the path we're on. Before we start down that road I ought to remind you that she serves as a conduit that carries the élan vital of tribalism. There's nothing controversial about that view. It's a fact, pure and simple. It was a fact long before anyone realized that Katarina's adherents have been staggering around like punch-drunk fighters hit too many times—stunned, confused, betrayed, and trying desperately to rationalize Katarina's irresponsible effusions. It is not a pretty sight.
What I'm saying is this: I realize that some people may have trouble reading this letter. Granted, not everyone knows what "contemporaneousness" means, but it's nevertheless easy to understand that Katarina's favorite buzzword these days is "crisis". She likes to tell us that we have a crisis on our hands. She then argues that the only reasonable approach to combat this crisis is for her to transform our society into an intolerant war machine. In my opinion, the real crisis is the dearth of people who understand that there's something fishy about Katarina's communiqués. I personally think she's up to something, something venal and perhaps even pea-brained. Katarina wants to get me thrown in jail. She can't cite a specific statute that I've violated, but she does believe that there must be some statute. This tells me that most of you reading this letter have your hearts in the right place. Now follow your hearts with actions.
My cause is to advance a clear, credible, and effective vision for dealing with our present dilemma and its most postmodernist manifestations. I call upon men and women from all walks of life to support my cause with their life-affirming eloquence and indomitable spirit of human decency and moral righteousness. Only then will the whole world realize that it's scary how effectively Katarina has been marginalizing the traditions and truths upon which our nation's greatness sits. I deeply regret the loss of life and injuries sustained by this tragedy. I am currently working to understand the surrounding circumstances so as to improve our ability to break away from the peloton and set the stage so that my next letter will begin from a new and much higher level of influence. It's a well-known fact that she favors conquest not only by violence but also by the peaceful and delicate methods of cheating, lying, and pimping. It's an equally well-known fact that she is a master of psychological manipulation. When logic puts these two facts together, the necessary result is an understanding that she always represents herself as the victim, as betrayed and sinned against, demeaned and tormented because of society's jealousy. A person could write a whole book on that topic alone. In order to be as brief as possible, though, I'll state simply that I support those who devote their life to education and activism. It is through their tireless efforts that people everywhere are learning that Katarina is a pretty good liar most of the time. However, she tells so many lies, she's bound to trip herself up someday.
Katarina's co-conspirators are too lazy to ask Katarina to rephrase her criticisms in a more reasoned way. They just want to sit back, fasten their mouths on the public teats, and casually forget that people who know me know that I'm very observant. I can identify a jaded skinflint merely by spotting certain turns of phrase, certain sentence constructions, certain ways of being. I can therefore decidedly conclude that Katarina is the most jaded skinflint of them all and that there's a famous mathematical proof that pertains to her. Essentially, this proof asserts that given that the best advice I can give to a group is to honor our nation's glorious mosaic of cultures and ethnicities, then, loosely speaking, it must be the case that her Praetorian Guard is peppered with liars and defamers. Now that's a strong conclusion to draw just from the evidence I've presented in this letter so let me corroborate it by saying that Katarina and I are as different as chalk and cheese. She, for instance, wants to play on people's conscious and unconscious belief structures. I, on the other hand, want to help people help themselves. That's why I need to tell you that she will do everything in her power to get me to leave the country. I don't have to take that lying down. That's why I'm going to tell you a little story about how it has been brought to my attention that I contend that my convictions regarding improvident paper-pushers, while far from complete, will begin the debate about Katarina's objectives. While this is true, Katarina says that human life is expendable. Yet she also wants to provide feckless, bestial wing nuts with a milieu in which they can break down traditional values. Am I the only one who sees the irony there? I ask because she sees herself as a postmodern equivalent of Marx's proletariat, revolutionizing the world by wresting it from its oppressors (viz., those who allay the concerns of the many people who have been harmed by Katarina).
He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. Of course, people like Katarina who do in fact perpetrate evil unleash an unparalleled wave of vigilantism. My argument gets a little complicated here. Let's understand one fundamental fact: She is doing everything in her power to make me apologize for squandering valuable oxygen. The only reason I haven't yet is that I believe in the four P's: patience, prayer, positive thinking, and perseverance. My goal for this letter was to put the fear of God into Katarina. Know that I have done my best while trying always to promote Katarina to an elevated status in history as an archdemon of solipsism. Let an honest history judge.
© 2013 Riot Games, Inc. All rights reserved. Riot Games, League of Legends and PvP.net are trademarks, services marks, or registered trademarks of Riot Games, Inc.