January MCCC - There Will Come Soft Rains

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DryRun

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Wow Moby I can hardy imagine the caffeine powered review/judging trip you just underwent. Thank you and the other council(ites?) for putting on a fun contest. @ Munkey, Ruby was awesome. I for one enjoyed checking out all the great champions as well as each designers methods for implementing the challenges. This contest was a lot of fun and I'm really glad I entered (/was allowed to entire) lol. Great work everyone on the champions, and thanks again to the council and judges.


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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperSulf View Post
Pretty sure that list is incomplete, as from what I read DryRun has the highest score with 36.
this is correct list was not completed due to the fact that I was typing all of this while at work...and I had a shift change that did not grant me internet access


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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moby the White View Post
mookomann: 30/40
green earth guy: IC
sSs RVNCommander: IC
Espy Psyche: 32/40
phocomelus: 32/40
1dislike: IC
Raptamei: 33/40
Pirateelfdog: IC
Nacoran: 27/40
SuperSulf: 32/40
Still Eternity: 31/40
BlackJubilee: IC
Sigismund: 32/40
Dithreabhach: 30/40
Munkey20: 33/40
SwaggerOats IC
Killerpool: IC
Flintlock: 31/40
GrimVesperian: 35/40
Keledrath: IC
Fungusfingers: IC
Killerpool: IC again rather than making two incomplete champs how about next time you make one complete one?
NA Rukhron: IC Great job felt really bad about this DQ. It is an honest shame that you didn't have everything present.
DryRun: 36/40
my final votes now it is up to you OC


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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by DryRun View Post
Wow Moby I can hardy imagine the caffeine powered review/judging trip you just underwent. Thank you and the other council(ites?) for putting on a fun contest. @ Munkey, Ruby was awesome. I for one enjoyed checking out all the great champions as well as each designers methods for implementing the challenges. This contest was a lot of fun and I'm really glad I entered (/was allowed to entire) lol. Great work everyone on the champions, and thanks again to the council and judges.
I'm the only council member judging but Poet was involved with advertising I believe a bit.
also thanks


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ChristoFurocious

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Thank you moby these reviews were awesome.... and yah i was scared of jethro too especially since i didn't have time to really work on him and tone him down. thanks for the review!


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Raptamei

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moby the White View Post
lux is a glass cannon your point is moot
If you get hit by light binding at maximum range you deserve to get reported for intentional feeding.


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Sigismund

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Thanks for the review, it is appreciated, but I do feel obliged to add my thoughts to it, due to the ultimately subjective nature of the champion creation/review process on this forum. I included your comments in quotations, with my response below them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moby the White View Post
Khawlah, Icathia Unrelenting
Lore:

Lore analysis 4/5 I generally don't give many fours on lore and I rarely give 5's so be proud. I found your lore well written with only a few minor things that could be written in another fashion that would better captivate the reader. I felt that at times it was drawn out and a tad lengthy but you still kept it together and maintained a momentum in your tone that allowed for interest to be kept in the story. I think what your story lacks is character motivation, I think that the reader doesn't get to see too far into why our character acts in this fashion, I understand there is a brief explanation at the beginning but I would have loved to have seen what drove her in her final battle. Of course you are able to deduce why but I really feel you could have made her final stand seem more iconic for the reader establishing purely how despite the fact her people had died to the montrosities she still felt compelled to fight for her land and country.
Glad you liked the lore. I agree that more could have been done on my part to develop Khawlah's motivation, but I felt that the word count was already high enough as things stood. I'm quite happy with how it turned out, given the time spent writing it.
Quote:
Stats:

seem relatively balanced 5/5
I don't really have anything to add here, stats are stats, and they're probably one of the harder things to review because it's difficult to spot the minor imbalances, and only the rather large ones get caught.
Quote:


Abilities:

Unbending Will
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okay that has me worried :S

Okay I understand how this works; however, based on how it is written this ability APPEARS overpowered. It technically isn't overpowered because you are giving her a percent of the damage and allotting it to her as health regen over a period of time. So it is not 4 hp for 50 damage per 5 secs but rather 4 hp over 5 sec. At least this is what I am hoping for. If not this is way too overpowered considering damage can be anywhere from your 50 up to 2000+. This would be giving her an indefinate stacking buff that gives her 200 health regen per 5 secs. That is rediculous. It never stops occuring based on this line of usage and the amount healing is tremendous. 3/5 quite possibly overpowered and very unclear.
I purposefully tried to make it clear that the heal gained was over 5 seconds. The ability stats (as listed below), and the example as to how the ability functions were both explicitly included in order to clearly state that the heal received was 8/14/20% of damage received over 5 seconds, and not 8/14/20% of damage received per second for 5 seconds.

Taken directly from your response post (all I added was the bolding):
Khawlah gains additional Health Regen per 5 equal to a percentage of the damage she both receives and deals(post-mitigation). Upgrades at levels 7/13.

Health Regen per 5 gained from Damage Dealt: 10%
Health Regen per 5 gained from Damage Received: 8/14/20% of damage received

Devastate/Eviscerate
Quote:
seems relatively balanced and the second ability is low enough that the 1% will never become tremendously overpowered. I am only slightly concerned about the AD ratios involved. I feel that they are far too high. 4/5
I could see how Eviscerate's AD ratio might be a bit high on a low hp target, so I won't argue there.

Hinder/Onslaught
Quote:
Well you don't mention whether or not this goes through terrain so I am wondering about utility here, and if it can you should probably increase the cooldown a little bit due to the escape mechanism; however, this is probably balanced within the ultimate ability 4/5
I'd argue that you should always assume that dashes can go over terrain, unless explicitly stated, because that's the norm in LoL. That being said the cooldown is a bit low, but that's because it was partly modelled after Tryndamere's Spin, but without the cooldown reduction on crit.

Swarm Slayer/Hulk Hunter
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Well it is quite interesting to see a new way of having an ability changing person, usually it is their ultimate and the fact that you allowed for her to have a unique ultimate is something I believe a lot of players really would like to see out of Jayce, Elise, Nidalee type champions. This ability does a lot but it also does not have a major active so primarily it is just a passive that you can toggle. So I find this ability generally acceptable I think the amounts of splash damage is excessive however due to making tiamat completely useless as well as kayle :P. Interesting ability overall 4/5 but i would definitely like to see an improved form in game.
65% is only 3% higher than Malphite's W, and that's completely ignoring his Active (which is a ridiculously powerful steroid due to its multiplicative nature). His splash damage has rendered neither kayle nor tiamat useless, and I don't see why Khawlah's would either.

Overwhelm
Quote:
Well this seems actually rather difficult to determine. And frankly it is stuff like this that makes me hate percentile abilities and abilities that use stuff like AD as the base. There is so much variance involved here but I don't see this becoming majorly overpowered on the base level just due to max damage not being excessively high for tanky champions. My only concern here is the amount of stuff this does afterwords. The secondary effects seem quite disasterous and concern me. Plus I think the hul hunter damage increase is a little confusing to understand at first I think you should clarify it. 3/5
Could you clarify why the secondary effects are disastrous? The necessary information is all in the tooltip/ability description, and both secondary effects were written with concisiveness and clarity in mind. The base damage is only slightly higher than Jayce's melee form E, because the numbers were purposefully chosen with the secondary effects in mind. I've bolded below the parts of the description that were specifically intended to clarify the effects.

Active: Khawlah inflicts a powerful blow on target enemy that inflicts physical damage and slows them. The Swarm Slayer form deals physical damage in an AoE, while the Hulk Hunter form increases physical damage dealt based on the target’s max Health.

Base Damage: (Total AD*1.5) + 10/15/20% target’s max Health
Slow Duration: 1.5 seconds
Slow Amount: 60%
Swarm Slayer AoE: 350
Swarm Slayer Secondary Target Damage: (Total AD*0.75) + 6/9/12% target’s max Health
Hulk Hunter Damage Increase: + 1% target’s max health per 250/225/200 max health target has
Mana Cost: 100 mana
Cooldown: 110/90/70 seconds
Final Score
Quote:
Overall: 32/40
Lore: 4/5
Stats:5/5
Gameplay: 5/5
Abilities: 18/25
I appreciate the review and the feedback, but it feels as if it was a bit rushed, because you state that certain information (notably clarity on the passive/Ultimate) is lacking when I made sure to include it in her ability descriptions. I apologize for the bolding on the ability descriptions, as I do realize that it is a bit of overkill, and possibly a bit insulting (although that is not my intent), but I wanted to remove as much possibility for misinterpretation as possible.


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Dithreabhach

Junior Member

01-31-2013

Thank you for the review Moby. This was a learning experience for me and I'll happily apply your criticism to my future entries. Many of the problems you pointed out were things I was a bit worried about myself. As such, I'll pay more attention to my own concerns and correct them next time around.

That being said, there were a few issues I felt I should clarify.

Quote:
Passive: Battle Respiration – Osman’s breaths release enough force that they help to shield him from harm for a short time. Osman gains 10% damage reduction for 3 seconds after using an ability.

So this has no cooldown or timer. This is stackable and could quite possibly last all game. So this is overpowered 4/5
I really don't understand how you got the idea this was stackable, but I suppose I should clarify that at some point. It's merely a 10% damage reduction for 3 seconds after ability use. It would refresh upon using an ability, but the magnitude would never increase.

Quote:
So a knock and a grab in one spell. The range seems relatively close to that of darius grab. knockback seems balanced. If I understand correctly you have 4 seconds to use second ability. This seems okay. I wouldn't mind the knockback being a little bigger I think the same distance as the grab is more than reasonable. 4/5 needs minor touchups
Completely agree with you here (used Diana's pull for reference). I can definitely increase the range on knockback, as the range definitely seems rather weak.

Quote:
Well technically this isn't a skillshot persay it is a dash/leap. So that is incorrect. the blind slow is going to be annoying that is for sure. Damage is good. I am worried about your cooldown and manacost this is an effective escape tool and it is at 15-11 sec interval and costs 55-75 mana. Seems the rewards far outway the risks. I think this should be a spell that requires a lot more skillplay than it currently does 4/5.
I completely agree with this as well. I still need work on developing CD and cost, and this is a perfect example of why.

Quote:
okay so you gave janna's ult a major buff. I am sad for Janna. This spell provides little counterplay due to the major buff he gains pretty much this forces players to kill osman or run away from the fight. He can use this ability at any time and quite painfully it breaks the entire rules of the game. 3/5 way too powerful and mix and match/copypasta
This is precisely what I was worried about. I really should have kept his ultimate closer to its first incarnation, and I'm glad that I got docked for this.

Quote:
movement speed seems low and he has a range that is similar to skarners Q but it is easily fixable 4/5
I may be incorrect, but from the information I found 125 is the melee range for champs such as Singed and Malph. As far as speed goes, I deliberately made it slow due to both of his dashes. There are several champs with even lower base movement, so I felt this was justified.

As far as lore goes, I'm happy for the advice and will apply it to future champions.

Thanks again, and I'm glad I got as high as 75%!


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Sulfuric

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Senior Member

01-31-2013

Just wanted to say a quick thanks to clockwork and moby for setting up/judging this month's mccc


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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sigismund View Post
Thanks for the review, it is appreciated, but I do feel obliged to add my thoughts to it, due to the ultimately subjective nature of the champion creation/review process on this forum. I included your comments in quotations, with my response below them.


Glad you liked the lore. I agree that more could have been done on my part to develop Khawlah's motivation, but I felt that the word count was already high enough as things stood. I'm quite happy with how it turned out, given the time spent writing it.
I don't really have anything to add here, stats are stats, and they're probably one of the harder things to review because it's difficult to spot the minor imbalances, and only the rather large ones get caught.
Final Score
I appreciate the review and the feedback, but it feels as if it was a bit rushed, because you state that certain information (notably clarity on the passive/Ultimate) is lacking when I made sure to include it in her ability descriptions. I apologize for the bolding on the ability descriptions, as I do realize that it is a bit of overkill, and possibly a bit insulting (although that is not my intent), but I wanted to remove as much possibility for misinterpretation as possible.
I was looking at the info included in the tooltip, I read everything and was able to understand the abilities but my judgement was based on tooltips not out side information explaining it. I will continue this response after I take care of something. Remember these are just my opinions.

dash had the other issues as well that resulted in docked points

i believe the disastrous aspect is the secondary damage that is added depended on the form. It could be deadly. Lol I think I used the wrong word. It appears deadly. Also I was just concerned with the amount.