January MCCC - There Will Come Soft Rains

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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-30-2013

oh joy the navigation I shall need

Quote:
Originally Posted by Munkey20 View Post
http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/....php?t=2982701

Ruby, the Bounty Hunter

Fast, Escapes, Melee, Range, Assassin, AD Caster

Description: As fitting with the character presented I thought having her switch between the rifle and scythe like Jayce does would be good, but wanted her to have an actual ult and not just a "click here to switch" button. I chose to do things this way because it better fits this month's theme of being adaptable. She still has an ability that is primarily to switch her forms, but she doesn't start with it. She fits the survivor theme because she is a very fast character that can escape from ganks easily, but she is still very fragile if she gets caught. She fits with the scavenger because of her passive that increases her MS and her cooldowns on her escape abilities when there are enemies nearby and her Ultimate's Passive. I'll throw some more survivor theme stuff in the mix when I post her lore.

Ruby is inspired by the Rooster Teeth show that will be coming out soon called RWBY. When the trailer first came out I saw a lot of people putting up their version of the character, but I never released a concept, so here is my take on the character if she was put into league.

Lore:

Like most Noxians she knew, Ruby's family was devoted to the military. Her father was one of the military's top scouts and had worked under the Du Couteau family for years. She always longed to follow in her father's footsteps while growing up. She would make him take her hunting in order to learn how to track and how to kill. When it came time for her to enlist she had a strong recomendation from her father's superiors who had seen her work and knew of her father's skill. During the Ionian War, Ruby uncovered many traps and ambushes laid by the Ionians before they were able to take the lives of her friends and allies. She disliked the scientists that were brought from Zaun, she had seen what their weapons could do and heard of times when they would fire their cannons into Noxians lines just to be able to eliminate a few extra Ionians that would have died anyway, but it wasn't her place to question her superior's decision. The company she was part of was very successful in the war due in part to their skilled tracker that was able to show them out of many otherwise deadly situations.

Her war came to and end without injury and due to her loyal service she was awarded a position in the Noxian counter intelligence. She would find and remove any of her home's enemies that happened to cross into her borders. It was challenging work and found the evidence gathering portion of the job boring and tedious, but Ruby relished the times when she was allowed to get out and catch the person she'd been reading about for so long. She took to wearing a red cape while hunting so her prey would know she was coming and they would not get away. In war she had to be sneaky, here in her domain she wanted them to know she was right on their heels and that she would be their end. She had always admired technology and when she saw Jayce fighting with his hammer on the Fields she had her own weapon commisioned from Zaun. She called it the Cresent Rose and sought entry to the League in order to bring Noxus glory.

So I just read what felt like lore written by Riot. This is good in terms of how they write their lore. But when it comes down to it, I don't like reading their lore. I really didn't feel like I met Ruby. I feel like I learned a bunch of facts detailing the events of her past prior to joining the league. This is great if you want to have something similar to Riot has when they produce stories that feel lifeless. Your story was well written and had no major flaws other than the fact that I simply did not like the way it was written. Now the problem here arises that my opinion is what is judging you here rather than actual merit on how to write in general so it truly isn't fair to say that this was bad lore, rather I don't like the style that you chose to write it in and that is merely my thoughts on the matter. I give you a 3/5 because overall it was well written but just appeared to be without life.

Appearance: Tall, thin female. Short black dress with red trim and long sleeves. Tight dark grey pants. Black boots with red trim along the top. Long black hair, pulled back in a pony tail and tied with a small red ribbon. Green eyes. And of course, her signature red cloak. Long red, hood is back so you can see her head. Billows nicely as she runs. Carries a Scythe/Sniper rifle combo weapon called the Cresent Rose. Gun has a red stock and body with black barrel. Scythe has a black staff with red blade.

Stats:

HP: 405 (+80)
HP Regen: 7 (+0.8)
MP: 250 (+45)
MP Regen: 7 (+0.7)
Range: Scythe = 125, Rifle = 550
AD: 49 (+3.1)
AS: 0.65 (+2.8%)
Armor: 10 (+3)
MR: 20 (+1)
MS: 345

5/5 interesting weapon choices btw just thought I'd mention that here.

She has lower base MR than most champions because I want the players using her to be motivated to avoid damamge with her abilities rather than taking it.

while at the same time she has MR per level. so that puts her at 38 base MR per level this is debatable.

Abilities:

Ruby starts in her Scythe Mode.

Passive - Red Running: Ruby's awareness of her surroundings grants her extra mobility when fighting. Ruby gains 10 MS and 8% cooldown reduction on her Q abilities for each enemy champion within a 1500 range. Maximum effects are 30 total MS and 24% cooldown reduction on Q. Grants bonuses even if she can't see them, but doesn't grant sight.

okay this is interesting this is a variation of allowing her to know that people are in the area quite similar to starfall. 4/5 I feel that the range is far too great I think a range of 800-900 would be more sufficient and well balanced.

Q:

Scythe - Rose Storm: Ruby teleports to a nearby enemy or ally, attacking them with her scythe if it is an enemy or using her cloak to dodge the next basic attack or ability she is hit with if she jumps to an ally. Ruby deals 70/100/130/160/190 (+80% Bonus AD) physical damage if she jumps to an enemy. Ruby flares her cloak out making it easier for her to dodge the next basic attack or ability if she jumps to an ally. Shield last 1.5/2/2.5/3/3.5 seconds. 60 mana cost. 13/12/11/10/9 second cooldown. Jump range 700.

Rifle - Backblast: Ruby fires her rifle and lets the recoil carry her back while damaging whoever her shot hit and putting her out of harm's way. Her shot deals 70/110/150/190/230 (+80% Bonus AD) physical damage and knocks Ruby back a range of 400. Shot range is 800. For 2.5 seconds after Backblast is cast Ruby can cast Rose Storm and switch to Scythe mode if she chooses to. 80 mana cost. Skillshot. 20/18.5/16/14.5/13 second cooldown.

These are her primary forms of escapes besides just being really fast while around enemy champions. Rose Storm would function just like Shunpo or Leap Strike. Just for a little extra flair I picture her leaving a small cloud of rose petals behind where she was before she teleported. Backblast would have a slight wind up time like Caitlyn's Net.

DAMN Caitlin plus a long range what feels like Fizz pole. Well then. seems relatively balanced but the cdr seems a bit low for escape spells, at the same time these are also chase spells something I've always found hard to balance was spells that have multiple uses. just up the times just a bit and I think it would be fine 4/5

W:

Scythe - Cresent Slash: Ruby extends her Scythe and spins it around her dealing damage and knocking back all nearby enemies. Ruby deals 50/75/100/125/150 (60% Bonus AD) physical damage to all enemies in a 350 Radius of her and knocks back all enemies hit to a 350 distance away from her. For 2.5 seconds after casting Cresent Slash, you can activate the ability again to cast Crippling Shot. 50/55/60/65/70 mana cost. 19/17/15/13/11 second cooldown.

Rifle - Crippling Shot: Ruby fires a bullet that explodes upon striking a target, snaring the first enemy hit and slowing other nearby enemies. Shot deals 75/120/165/210/255 (+50% Bonus AD) physical damage to first enemy hit and 50% damage to any enemies within a 300 range. First enemy is snared for 2 seconds and enemies within a 300 range are slowed by 35% for 2 seconds. 70/75/80/85/90 mana cost. 16/15/14/13/12 second cooldown. Skillshot.

Both Cresent Slash and Crippling Shot would have a short cast time. Maybe like 0.5 seconds or shorter. Just long enough so they can't just use them while running, but not long enough to miss because of the cast time.

this chick does a lot of stuff...I don't know about this I really think that it should be either a single target snare or an AOE slow. Imo i think you should pick one or the other right now I envision Graves ult happening and it makes me feel all copypastad inside. 4/5


E:

Scythe - Charged Shots: Ruby switches to Rifle mode and her next 1/1/2/2/3 basic attacks deal 10/14/18/22/26 (+15% Bonus AD) extra physical damage. Lasts 5 seconds.

Rifle - Heated Blade: Ruby quickly switches from her Rifle mode to Scythe mode to take advantage of the heat generated from her shots and let her next basic attack deal true damage and heal herself. 20/40/60/80/100% of damage dealt by next basic attack is true damage, Ruby is healed for the amount of true damage dealt. This attack cannot crit.

Shared cooldown of 10 seconds. 60 mana cost.

Instant change. I think it would be cool to have an animation for switching between the two forms of your weapon, but wouldn't want it to impede movement. While Charged Shots is active her shots would be a little louder than normal. While Heated Blade is active the Blade of the Scythe would glow brightly.



Well here is another example of form change that occurs as a basic ability. You are the second person to do this so I guess I am not the only one who would love to see this type of setup on a champ. I really felt is was balanced and deserved a 5/5

R: A Trail to Follow - Passive: Enemies hit by Ruby's abilities bleed for 24/48/72 (+40% Bonus AD) physical damage over 3 seconds and are revealed for 5 seconds. This effect cannot occur on the same enemy more than once every 7 seconds. Ruby gains 2/3/4% AS for each enemy champion effected by the bleed. Enemies hit by Ruby's Active Ultimates have the damage, duration and reveal effects doubled.

Active:

Scythe mode: Ruby uses a powerful blast of her Rifle to propel her forward while spinning dealing damage to all enemies hit. Ruby spins forward a range of 550 dealing 150/200/250(+150% Bonus AD). Enemies hit are slowed by 40% for 2 seconds. Spin radius is 350.

Rifle mode: Ruby charges up a powerful long range piercing shot and after 1.5 seconds fires it in her enemies direction. The shot travels with a projectile speed of 4500 and deals 150/275/400 (+120% Bonus AD) physical damage to the first enemy hit and gains 5% damage for each enemy hit to a maximum of 150% total damage but slows down the speed of the shot by 8% for each enemy hit to a minimum of 0. If the shot runs out of speed before its hits its maximum range it stops. Ult cannot be canceled once started except for getting CC'd by the enemy. Shot is aimed during the 1.5 second wind up time and fired along a line showing the width in the direction of the cursor. It is a long range skill shot. 250 width. 2500/3000/3500

Both Abilities cost 150 mana and share a cooldown of 110/100/90 seconds.


both abilities seem really cool. I am only concernicus about the damage at base level. I also fear the whole cannot stop ult part. I like it but it needs work. 4/5


More Info: I feel like she could be a viable jungler. Starting blue would be necessary due to her long cooldowns and fairly high mana costs of being somewhat combo based. Starting with her W then getting her E would give her the best early start. When jungling I would max her W first, then her Q and doing her E last. I could see her being either a Wriggle's jungler or a Spirit Stone jungler depending on what is needed at the time. In lane I could see maxing Q first then W for the extra escape power. She would have extremely high burst damage if the player is able to take full advantage of her form switching abilities.

Possible items to take:

Top:

Boots depending on need (Merc Treads, Ninja Tabi, Lucidity)
Black Cleaver
Trinity Force
Bloodthirster
Frozen Mallet if you need to be healthier
Maw of Malmortius if you are against a magic heavy team
Last Whisper against a tank heavy team
Guardian Angel to be super annoying to the other team

Jungling:

Boots depending on need (Merc Treads, Ninja Tabi, Lucidity)
Wriggle's Lantern or Spirit of the Lizard Elder
Black Cleaver
Bloodthirster (if you took Spirit item)
Frozen Mallet
Maw of Malmortius if you are against a magic heavy team
Last Whisper against a tank heavy team
Guardian Angel to be super annoying to the other team


Changelog: 01/10/13: Added stats, lore, changed ult, added more description and recommended items.
01/15/13: Changed defensive stats to make her more fragile and rely more on built in mobility. Changed ult again(i'll get it right eventually.)
Overall: 33/40
Lore: 3/5
Gameplay 4/5
Stats: 5/5
Abilities: 21/25


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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-30-2013

break time for now...


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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-30-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by SwaggerOats View Post
Backstory:

Deep within Valoran existed a factory. This factory does not produce machines, instead, this factory produces warriors. Known in ancient legend as the Umbrus Facility, this "factory," took flesh and bone, men and women, and incased them in nearly indestructible suits of armor that would make them the perfect soldiers. The suits, known as Eternity Armors, kept the host's body as a hostage while preserving the essence of the person inside. The host would then use his or her soul's willpower to fuel the suit. Terrus 451 was one such armor. Stripped of his name, Terrus 451 entered his Eternity Armor and was immediately programmed to be a soldier of war. He was instructed in magic and excelled. He was trained in combat tactics and maneuvers and excelled. Soon, he became the most respected soldier in the facility, outmatching those equipped with more advanced Eternity Armors then his own. The head of the factory, Domis Raden has grand plans of traveling to the surface world and taking over using his army, and it was becoming likely that Terrus 451 would be his lieutenant.

One day during his training exercises, calamity struck the facility. The earth around it shifted and gave way. the underground sanctuary was betrayed by what kept it safe to begin with. As the factory began to cave in, Terrus knew one way to survive: use the fullest extent of his soul's power to protect his Eternity Armor that would surely crush underneath the thousands of pounds of force of the crumbling earth. Casting the spell drained him, and in his last moments he saw the world he knew crushed around him; Apocalypse. Then, he fell asleep.

Years later, a time unquantifiable to Terrus, the earth shifted and churned. The Great Rune Wars had erupted above him. The land broke and tore asunder and with a great burst of energy, awakened Terrus from his slumber. From that moment onward, Terrus clawed towards the surface, never tiring, never stopping. As he reached the surface, he revealed himself in a wake of power, energized by the remnant energies that had restored him, but no one was there to welcome him. Driven by his lot in fate, Terrus traveled for what felt like a year to him, honing his magic and martial prowess for any adversary that he might encounter. Eventually, he found himself at the foot of the Halls of Justice. He agreed to fight in the League to erase the guilt of his selfish decision in the past.

"True strength comes from within. Every warrior should know this."

Honestly makes no sense if they are hostages yet their will power maintains the operation of the system. I see no motivation whatsoever for the character to actually WANT to make the suit work based on this fact alone anything after this doesn't really matter because it still makes no sense. Your entire first paragraph seems in itself to be purely about the facility. True it needs introduced but not to that extent. You could easily sum this up in about 2 sentences or so. 2/5 syntax errors, character motivation, league motivation, transistions.

Appearance:
Terrus looks like a mix between a power ranger and a medieval knight. A strange concept maybe, but imagine this: A suit of armor made of metal plates covering every inch, but fit as though they were woven together as a fabric. Some areas are un-plated and rather have a dense fabric (fingers, arm-pit, insides of elbow, backs of knees). The helmet would have a large, glass-like visor for vision but no ventilation for breathing. The suit would have a cape, probably somewhat tattered. The blade would be thicker, as if it were meant to pummel something rather than slice through it. The suit would be a dimmer gold color for the metal, while the visor and cape would be pitch-black. Bit of gray would show between non-plated areas and where the fingers are.

Abilities:

[Passive]- Eternity Armor: Terrus has 5% of what his normal maximum health would be. To withstand damage he instead has a damage shield equal to 95% of what his health statistic would be. Each time an ability would activate from any champion within 450 units of Terrus, he gains a stack of Aegis. At 3 stacks of Aegis, Terrus replenishes 10% of his damage shield up to 150% of what his maximum health would be.

Based on this he never regains health but rather increases his shield. True damage makes this completely null and void. Needs major rework in order to be operational. 2/5

[Q]- Spell Blade/ Breaker Blade: As Terrus' blade charges with energy, his next autoattack within 5 seconds deals 45/75/95/115/135 +(.35 AP) + (.55 totalAD) additional magic damage. If Inner Strength is active, Spell Blade turns into Breaker Blade which also reduces the armor and magic resist of the target hit by 15% for 3 seconds.
Cooldown: 8/7/6/5/4 seconds after the auto attack.
Mana Cost: 45 at all ranks.

I don't think your cooldown is right for a spell of this nature at max time the cooldown is set at 13 secs which seems fair for a ranked up ability but pretty small amount for rank 1 I would definitely suggest upping the cooldown timer here. Otherwise it seems fine 4/5

[W]- Power Quake/ Spell Quake: Terrus strikes the ground with his blade, causing earthen spike to erupt around him within 300 units. Enemies hit by these spikes take 60/85/100/115/130 + (.35 AP) + (.55 totalAD) physical damage and are slowed by 35% for 5 seconds. If Inner Strength is active, Power Quake turns into Spell Quake, having its AoE is increased to 350 units, damage type changed to magic damage and knocking up all targets hit for 1.25 seconds.
Cooldown: 9/8/7/6/5 seconds
Mana Cost: 50/55/60/65/70

That knockup is pretty long compared to alistar knockup which is .5 seconds and chogath for a full second I highly suggest nerfing this considering his tank attributes I would aim for an alistar approach here. Cho is a beast of his own nature. 4/5

[E]- Rampart Dash/ Rupture Blink: Terrus dashes forward up to 450 units, knocking up and dealing 40/60/80/100/120 +(.55 AP) magic damage to all enemies in his path for .25 seconds. While Inner Strength is active, Rampart Dash turns into Rupture Blink which allows Terrus to dash to a target champion within 450 units, becoming untargetable for the dash and knocking aside and damaging all enemies within 300 units at the point of destination.
Cooldown: 14/13/12/11/10 seconds
Mana Cost: 65 at all ranks

okay the cooldown of this is far too low for an ability of this nature plus it has a low non-scaling mana cost which is a major problem. Take a look at Fizz pole for an ability of that nature. OOC are quite dangerous in game and allowing him to be able to frequently use it with no fear of risk is too overpowered. 3/5

[R]- Inner Strength: Terrus unleashes his power within, breaking all current stuns, suppressions, and slows while gaining 1 Armor and Magic Resist for each 5% of his missing damage shield and a 15% movement speed increase for the next 10 seconds. Additionally, all of Terrus' abilities gain additional effects for the duration.
Cooldown: 115/100/85 seconds

well based on this champion currently works this is slightly broken. However that is of no fault of the ult itself but rather the wording of the passive. 15% movement speed is a tad bit low even with all the bonus stuff going on. 4/5

Contest Requirements:
Surviving the Apocalypse: Terrus may not have survived THE apocalypse, but he survived losing the world he was created in. That being said, the host armor is a nearly invincible suit, allowing him to survive almost anything (Even the earth collapsing in on him!). Terrus does not hunger, thirst, or feel really; this is his character flaw.
Scavengers: Terrus' passive is tricky to itemize around, but it allows him to get his survivability from activated abilities from any champion within 450 units of him. This is similar to Maokai, but Terrus does not need to connect an auto attack to replenish his damage shield.
Adaptation: When activated Terrus' ultimate, you get a passive armor/magic resist bonus as well as different abilities! These new abilities are essentially the upgraded (or slightly manipulated) versions of Terrus' normal [Q], [W], and [E].

Side Notes:
I wanted Terrus to be a tank that could turn the tide of any fight at a moment's notice. He is supposed to part of the frontline of a teamfight, able to soak up and prevent damage from being done. I wanted Rampart Dash to be a highly mobile crowd control that allowed Terrus to protect casters and carries in the back, while still disrupting others around him.

Overall: Incomplete Work Automatic DQ
Lore 2/5
Stats: N/A
Gameplay: 3/5 needs revisions
Abilities: 17/25


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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-30-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Killerpool View Post
Blazer - The Knight of Shadow Flames
Melee,Fighter

Abilities:

(passive)Hell Fire: Blazers fourth attack will deal 20% bonus magic damage to all enemy units in front of him (range 150 units) and will apply ignite to them witch deals 1-4lvl 2%/ 5-9lvl 4%/ 10-14lvl 6%/ 15-18lvl 8% for 2/3/4/5 seconds.

(Q)Flame Shield: Blazer creates a shield of flames around him witch lasts next 6/7/8/9/10 second and absorbs 5/10/15/20/25 % incoming damage and dealing 10/15/20/25/30 (+ 0,4 AP) magic damage to all enemy units he passes through.
Cooldown 15/13/11/9/7 second
Cost 30/40/50/60/70 mana

(W)Breath of Flames: Blazer starts breathing fire dealing30/60/90/120/150 (+ 0,3 AP) magic damage to all enemy units it hits and applying ignite on them witch deals 10/15/20/25/30 magic damage every second next 3/3,5/4/4,5/5 seconds.
Cooldown 12/10/8/6/4 seconds
Cost 20/40/60/80/100 mana
Range 400

(E)Flame Scythe: Blazer turns his sword in to the gigantic scythe, striking with it all enemy units in front of him dealing 50/100/150/200/250 (+ 0,5 AP) magic damage and knocking them back (for 200 units) and applying ignite that deals 4/8/12/16/20 magic damage over 5 seconds.
Cooldown 12/11/10/9/8 seconds
Cost 50/70/90/110/130 mana
Range 250

(R)Legendary Flames: Blazer starts channeling for 4/3.5/3 seconds creating a magic circle around him (range of circle 500/600/700 units), all enemy units that are in circle when channeling ends will be puled in a the middle of the circle, after they reach the middle circle will explode dealing 150/225/300 (+ 0,5 AP) true damage to all enemies in it.

Lore:

There was an ancient Stone of Shadow Flames hidden in the depth dark of ruins of an ancient of Deruth. One day the knight that flee from the battle against Noxus soldiers finds himself in that ruins for many days he was hiding there and discovering the ruins until one day he falls in to the hole that led him to the champers where Stone was hidden. He was so charmed by the beauty and color of the stone that he picked it up, he saw a inscription on the stone, he read it and all of the sudden everything went black.After that he finds himself in a suit of armor with gigantic sword along side him. He saw that he's skin is covered in flames he was so scared that he run outside of the ruins. Outside he saw the Noxus soldiers. He wanted to run back in but he couldn't, something was driving him to fight to kill them, and that he did. After killing them he felt that he was no longer scared of fighting and that that the stone given him strength to fight and power over flames.

Appearance:
Tall, Black suit of Armor from witch emerges flames.
incomplete work automatic DQ


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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flintlock View Post
Elaruss, The Eternal Wanderer/The Forgotten Nemesis

Tags: Assassin, Carry, Fighter, Jungler, Melee

Attack Power: 8 / 10
Health: 7 / 10
Spells: 3 / 10
Difficulty: 7 / 10

Overview

Whilst Elaruss is a multi-form champion, his forms are very different to the current well known multi-form champions (i.e. Nidalee, Jayce and Elise). In fact, if anything, the relation between his forms could be more easily paralleled with Rengar's Bonetooth Necklace stacks or Kha'zix's evolutions; something to work towards rather than an extension of a single toolkit. In his base form (The Eternal Wanderer), Elaruss is an AD Burst Assassin who favours the jungle, but can also be sent top. In his favour, he has very high base values, reasonable mobility and two abilities that make him very difficult to kill (thus, in addition to his backstory, fulfilling the contest's theme). Attempting to catch an experienced Elaruss is very difficult. On the other hand, however, he has very poor scaling with items (once enough damage is purchased, one of his abilities actually reduces his damage output) and minimal crowd control, making him drop off hard as the game goes on.

This is where his second form (The Forgotten Nemesis) comes in. Elaruss has a set of signature items, starting with the 'Ruined Breastplate'. By completing a series of tasks, each item grows in strength until it reaches a cap, at which point an upgrade can be purchased for it. Eventually, once the final upgrade is capped, it may be activated and consumed (all of its stats permanently added to Elaruss) to change Elaruss's into his secondary form permanently, gaining a new set of abilities that take a number of cues from his original set. This second form is closer to a melee carry/tanky DPS, rather than his tanky assassin original form; whilst his damage output is even higher, and he gains a large measure of scaling, the loss of the regeneration on his shield and the limiting of his teleport to enemies only makes him much easier to kill. As the fully upgraded item is very expensive, yet doesn't have superior efficiency in terms of stats, rushing Elaruss into his second form without other items is generally a poor idea unless you're doing incredibly well.

Countering Elaruss once he reaches his Nemesis form is difficult due to his in built CC reduction/survivability and high damage. As a result, it's much better to prevent him reaching this stage. As a top laner, Elaruss wants to keep trades with his opponent short; retaliate, desperate strike, then disengage, due to his lack of any kind of sustained damage. Elaruss is especially dangerous at level 1/2; at level two, his 'combo' can easily chunk more fragile top laners, but he has a lot of trouble with ranged top laners such as Kennen and Vlad. Enemy skirmishers with crowd control such as Irelia or Renekton also give him trouble.

As a jungler, Elaruss is somewhat comparable to Zed. Whilst Retaliate isn't quite as good a clearing tool as Shadow Slash, he somewhat makes up for it with the survivability/sustain aspect of Treat Wounds. To stack his unique item to its final form, Elaruss wants to farm early (as his item gains stacks naturally in the course of farming the jungle). However, Elaruss cannot afford to simply farm the jungle untill he has his full build; as mentioned previously, his scaling in his standard form makes this unappealing and he's unable to stack his final item without kills. Rather, Elaruss wants to gank in order to put his early damage to use (and stack his final unique item once he buys it). Unfortunately, his lack of crowd control and his unreliable gap closer don't make this especially easy; Elaruss needs his opponent to be taken by surprise so that he can unload his combo before they're able to react, or for the lane he's ganking to have crowd control of its own. As a result, warding regularly or playing cautiously will hurt his ganks more than many junglers. Elaruss is a highly effective counter-jungler due to his high speed, effective escapes and sustain, but he doesn't do so well when actively fighting enemies in the jungle; no cc of any sort until he gains his ultimate and even then only a situational slow mean he has a lot of trouble killing his opponent if they begin running and his lack of sustained damage mean he has difficulty fighting opponents who aren't immediately crippled by his opening salvo. Avoid fighting him whilst his ultimate is active; it makes him very difficult to kill, but its duration is somewhat short. Assuming he is starved for kills/assists once he obtains his Armour of the Nemesis, Elaruss will fall off regardless of how well he did previously. If Elaruss does reach Nemesis form, whilst very powerful, he isn't undefeatable. Avoid lining up to prevent his ultimate reseting, make sure to hit him with crowd control spells before anything else to maximise their duratio, try to wait out Ultimate Adversary so that he doesn't receive the attack speed buff and try to bait out Mete Out Judgement so that he cannot use it to dodge spells.

Lore

Even the eldest of champions cannot recall a time when Elaruss wasn't a shadowy figure watching from afar. Long before the fall of Urtistan, long before the fall of Shurima, Elaruss trudged the land, observing, yet not interfering. Those who would draw a blade against him could never touch him, those who would knock an arrow to fire against him could never keep him in their sight. Despite his long life, he still appears a young man, stoic and unyielding. Whenever asked of his past by those curious enough to he gives the same story. Long ago, there was once a city that prospered beyond the wildest dream of anyone alive today. A paradise without equal built with the blood, sweat and tears of those who wished for a brighter tommorrow. Those who lived there consumed a potion that stopped the drinker from aging and warded off any disease. Yet those who lived there did were not happy with this paradise. As years passed, those who lived there looked to strange and dark deeds to stave off a boredom born of life without anything to strive towards. An age of debauchery and hedonism overcame the city, before a great catastrophe wiped all evidence of the place from the face of Runeterra. Elaruss is the only survivor of this time.

None who asked Elaruss of his story, including those at the Institute of War, have managed to obtain details beyond this rather vague explanation. His past seems hidden to all besides himself and perhaps those who administered his judgement. What was the catastrophe? How long ago did this happen? How did he survive? These questions seem to remain unanswered. Elaruss's reasons for joining the League seem just as inscrutable as every other facet of his being, but whilst there are some voices objecting to the presence of such a being, they are overturned by those who wish to keep Elaruss's strange, yet unarguably effective power in safe hands.

I feel that the summoners would be able to see through his shenanigans. AT any rate, there was several grammar errors that I picked up on. Your final paragraph leaves the reader guessing which altogether is a good strategy to entice curiousity about the champ. As it is the story really tells us very little about his personality or who he is which is something that should be addressed. BUT in your instance of style we arrive at a situation where it is not appropriate to reveal details about the champ because he is veiled within this shadow of mystery. Problem with this is allowing readers to relate to a champion. What you establish in the end is an open-ended scenario. You allow your reader to freely imagine the details of this characters past. Which in terms of creating real world speculation is a great strategy. But the way in which you did it was overt, it is seemingly counter-toned to the entire persona of who this person is. Every sentence in this style of writing should be mysterious, and an open-ended challenge like what you wanted should be subtle. Everything should be covered in double speak in a manner, the reader should be uncertain about the champion and when you challenge them you should do so in a manner that is indirect like for instance not directly saying "Who is he" "where did he come from". You want to make your reader ask this question themselves in this style. Generally I frown upon this because of the fact that you avoid the main aspects of information needed to write lore but it is doable. 3/5

Quotes

Wanderer Form

Selection
“Once again, the battlefield calls to me.”

Movement
“Always moving.”
“Rest? Not in my vocabulary.”
“Seems like a good idea.”
“I've heard worse plans.”
“Fine.”

Attacking
“Better you than me.”
“Not that I approve of violence, but...”
“I do what I need to survive.”
“This is where your story ends.”

Joke
“So an Arillian, a Yellic and a Vicolman walk into a bar... Wait, what do you mean you've never heard that one before?”

Taunt
“You're a thousand years too young to think of fighting me.”

Nemesis Form

Upon activating Armour of the Nemesis
“I return... To pass... Judgement...”

Movement
“Evil lurks in all minds... And all Hearts...”
“Even you will be judged... Summoner.”
“...Soon...”
“I sense... evil.”

Attacking
“I bring... Final judgement.”
“All shall return to dust.”
“Death comes for all... Guilty or Innocent.”
“Judge... Jury... Executioner.”

Joke
“Don't worry, at least once you're dead, you won't have to worry about dying ever again.”
“... Wait a second...”

Taunt
“Neither man, nor creature, nor monster, will escape my judgement. My blade will end you in due course.”

Stats

Wanderer/Nemesis

Health: 390 (+83) / 410 (+93)
Health Regen: 5.5 (+0.7) / 7.5 (+0.9)
Mana: 260 (+43) / 260 (+43)
Mana Regen: 5 (+0.4) / 5 (+0.4)
Range: 125 / 175
Attack Damage: 51 (+3.2) / 57 (+3.9)
Attack Speed: 0.625 (+2.95%) / 0.679 (+3.13%)
Armor: 11 (+2.9) / 16 (+3.4)
Magic Resist: 30 / 30 (+1.25)
Movement Speed: 345 / 345

5/5

Abilities

Wanderer Form
Passive - Those Who Fight
When below 30% of his maximum health, Elaruss gains a bonus +40 MS.

seems like a decent escape mechanic not overly op or up 5/5

Q - Vanishing Act
Elaruss disappears for 1.5 second, becoming completely untargetable, then reappears at target location, dealing magic damage to nearby enemies

Cost: 60/65/70/75/80 Mana
Cooldown: 24/22/20/18/16 seconds
Range: 850
Damage: 70/115/160/205/250 (+70% AP)

cooldown is fine but mana is too low of cost. 4/5

W - Desperate Strike
Elaruss's next attack deals bonus damage and disrupts channeling abilities. Afterwards, his attack speed is slowed by 30% for 2.5 seconds.

Cost: 30/35/40/45/50 Mana
Cooldown: 7 seconds
Damage: 70/125/180/235/290 (+150% AD)

hedonistic calculus...cool. I think I dould like it better if it increased channel times but thats just my opinion/suggestion. I think the mana is too low again 4/5

E - Treat Wounds/Retaliate
Treat Wounds: Elaruss heals himself for a flat amount plus an additional 10% of his missing health. Upon entering combat, this ability becomes Retaliate.

Cost: 40/45/50/55/60 Mana
Cooldown: 10 seconds
Heal: 50/90/130/170/210 (+40% AP)

okay heal amount is decent but the cost is too low and the cooldown as well.

Retaliate: Every time an enemy champion or monster attacks near Elaruss, this ability gains a stack. Upon activation, all stacks are consumed and Elaruss deals damage to all nearby enemies plus a bonus amount for each stack used. This ability can stack up to 6 times. Upon being out of combat for 7 seconds, this ability changes to Treat Wounds.

Cost: 50/55/60/65/70 Mana
Cooldown: 10 seconds
Base Damage: 40/65/90/115/140 (+100% Bonus AD)
Damage/Stack: 15/20/25/30/35

Well this will escalate quickly and become full stacked within seconds during laning

3/5 both aspects need fixing

Additional Notes: Treat Wounds and Retaliate do not share cooldowns.

R - Ultimate Survivor
Elarus gains a shield that absorbs a certain amount of damage for 6 seconds. After being damaged, the shield regenerates up to its maximum hp until the end of the duration, even after breaking. Each time the shield is destroyed, nearby enemies are slowed for 3 seconds.

Cost: 150 Mana
Cooldown: 100/80/60 seconds
Shield Amount: 200/300/400 (+80% AP)
Shield Regeneration: 40/60/80 hp/Second
Slow: 30%/40%/50%

okay seems nifty nice tanky feature I actually like the way this works and think it is viable I just think you need to clarify the breaking and regeneration. 4/5

Nemesis Form

Passive - Implacable
Whenever an enemy champion casts a spell nearby, Elaruss gains 10% crowd control reduction and +10 MS. Lasts 5 seconds. Stacks up to 3 times. viable and seems relatively balanced I see no reason to dock points from passive score.

Range: 600

Q - Mete Out Justice
Elaruss disappears for 1.5 seconds, then reappears behind target enemy champion, dealing physical damage to them and interrupting channel effects. Applies on-hit effects.

Cost: 80/85/90/95/100 Mana
Cooldown: 16/15/14/13/12
Damage: 70/125/180/235/290 (+220% Bonus AD)(+80% AP)

i think the mana cost here is actually quite reasonable compared to the other, but I feel like the bonus AD is a bit much. so i take 1 point away here from your original 4/5 ...3/5

W - Ultimate Adversary
Elaruss gains a shield that absorbs a certain amount of damage for 3 seconds. Upon its destruction, Elaruss gains bonus attack speed for 4 seconds and gains maximum stacks of his passive.

Cost: 60/65/70/75/80 Mana
Cooldown: 15 seconds
Shield: 80/140/200/260/320 (+60% AP)
Attack Speed: 30%/35%/40%/45%/50%

well this is almost close to be ultworthy when you compare them. lower the shield amount here late game. minus 1 now 3/5

E - Tip the Scales
Elaruss heals himself for a flat amount plus 10% of his missing hp and deals physical damage to nearby enemies at the same time.

Cost: 80/90/100/110/120 Mana
Cooldown: 10 seconds
Heal: 50/90/130/170/210 (+40% AP)
Damage: 130/185/240/295/350 (+120% Bonus AD)
AOE Diameter: 550

well then...the added 10% bonus heal is unneccesary it is fairly insignificant so I guess it can stay. this spell worries me but I won't dock points here.

R - Rack and Ruin
Elaruss shoots a burst of energy from his sword that deals physical damage to all enemies it passes through and slows their movement speed for 3 seconds. Upon hitting two or more enemy champions, the cooldown is reset.

Cost: 100/110/120 Mana
Cooldown: 15 seconds
Damage: 200/275/350 (+150% Bonus AD)
Slow: 30%/40%/50%
Range: 825
Width: 200
Projectile Speed: 1200

im gonna say these seems fairly concerning with a flat 15 second cooldown minus 1 now 3/5

Unique Items

Ruined Breastplate
250g
+5 Armour
Passive: Each time you are attacked, your armour is increased by 0.01 (0.5 seconds cooldown). Caps at +5 Armour.

Ancient Breastplate
750g (Ruined Breastplate {Fully Stacked} + 500g)
+15 Armour
Passive: Each time you or a nearby champion casts a spell, your MR is increased by 0.1 (3 second cooldown). Caps at +10 MR.

Mysterious Platemail
1750g (Ancient Breastplate {Fully Stacked} + 1000g)
+20 Armour
+15 Magic Resistance
Passive: Each time you kill an enemy, your attack damage is increased by 0.5. Caps at +15 AD.

Armour of the Nemesis
3750g (Mysterious Platemail {Fully Stacked} + 2000g)
+40 Armour
+30 Magic Resistance
+30 Attack Damage
Passive: Each time you kill an enemy champion, this item gains 2 stacks (assists grant 1 stack). You gain +5 MS per stack. Upon reaching 10 stacks, you may use this item's active ability.
Active: Upon activation, this item permanently changes Elaruss into his Nemesis form. After activation, you may not sell this item.

Challenge Requirements

There Will Come Soft Rains

Something of a subversion of this concept; whilst Elaruss has indeed survived an apocalypse, and survived many events (such as the Rune Wars) which may have seemed apocalyptic, that isn't the entire story. As is heavily implied by the simple existence of his second form (I may expand on this with a League Judgement entry), Elaruss was in fact the cause of the apocalypse mentioned in his backstory (and upon completing his item, he is able to restore his true power). In terms of skill set, Elaruss's wanderer form continues the 'survive the apocalypse' aspect; he has in built defense (Ultimate Survivor), mobility (Vanishing Act) and sustain (Treat Wounds).

Scavengers

In his wanderer form, Elaruss's Retaliate scales off his opponents' attacks. In his Nemesis form, his passive scales off his opponents' spells. Finally, his personal item scales off a number of non-internal factors.

Adaptation

In his wanderer form, Elaruss's E switches between a heal or an AOE nuke based off whether he's in combat or not. Additionally, his form switches result in his skill set changing completely.
Overall: 31/40
Lore: 3/5
Stats: 5/5
Gameplay: 4/5
Abilities: 19/25


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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by GrimVesperian View Post
Nesyrith, the Last Dryad
Overview: Nesyrith is comes from a dying world. Long ago, a synthetic disease ravaged Nesyrith's world and killed 99.9% of all living things and poisoned the soil. Over the intervening years, the disease and its aftermath continued to chip away at the remaining life of the world until there was virtually no life left. Nesyrith is the last of her kind, a spirit of the last tree that exists on her world. Through unknown means, Nesyrith has come to Runeterra in the hopes that the great magicians of this world can create an antidote to the disease from the samples within her own body and she can return to her own world and began to repopulate it. In exchange for research into the antidote, Nesyrith has become a league champion, supporting those who would heal the wounds on this world and all others.

Nesyrith is a transform champion more akin to Nidalee rather than Jayce or Elise, only gaining the ability to transform at lv. 6. Unlike Nidalee, however her alternate form has a long cooldown and substantially increases her power, making her perhaps also include something of Reneketon and Nasus in her design. Whatever other champions Nesyrith may take cues from, she is ultimately a support champion. In her base form, Nesyrith brings a well-rounded support profile to her team with healing, stat boosts and some CC. In tree form Nesyrith becomes aura-generating impassable terrain, massively buffing her allies but simultaneously trusting them to protect her immobile form.

Lore:
In another dimension, there is a once-verdant world. The dominant life-forms on the planet were people who used magic to become one with the trees of their world. With this great ritual, they gained a deep connection to the world, increasing their arcane powers many-fold. Their bodies fundamentally changed as well, becoming as hard as oak and able to gain sustenance from the sun. Their life spans extended by thousands of years. Everything seemed to have been changed for the better.

But great magic usually comes with a price. As an unexpected consequence of the ritual, an anti-magic disease was created. The disease resisted all attempts by the dryads to cure it with their science or their magic. Slowly, the disease wasted their planet, no being was immune to its touch. Every living thing died, one by one until nothing was left except a single being. The dryad high-sorceress Nesyrith was somehow resistant to the disease. Through neither magic nor science but through some inborn resistance. However it was no privilege to watch the rest of her world die around her. Because of her near-immortal life-span, the only thing Nesyrith had to look forward to for the rest of her existence was a limbo of lonely suffering.

It came as something of a relief when the chaotic energies of a mishandled summoning seized hold of Nesyrith's body and hurled her across time and space. When she emerged back into reality, she found the mangled bodies of several young summoners. Seeing their plight, she healed the ones who yet lived and performed last rites on those who had perished. When the rest of the League discovered what had happened, they offered Nesyrith a deal. They would find a cure for Nesyrith's disease if she would participate in the League.

Well there are minor syntax errors but it is nothing that prevents the story from being readable. I found the story actually interesting and it created an actual personality although it was created subtlely it was done so with skill. I found this to be among one of the better pieces of Lore that I have read during this contest. I think that you could obviously improve your tense agreements to make this better. I give you a 4/5 because although you made some mistakes you definitely earned it.

Stats:
  • Health: 460 (+85)
  • Health Regen: 8.0 (+.80)
  • Mana: 260 (+55)
  • Mana Regen: 6.0 (+0.6)
  • Armor: 17 (+3.4)
  • Magic Resist: 30 (+1.25)
  • Attack Damage: 48 (+3)
  • Attack Speed: 0.635 (+2.0%)
  • Movement Speed: 330
  • Range: 550


Abilities:
Passive - Unity of Suffering
Whenever a nearby ally is healed, Nesyrith is also healed for half that amount.

oh wow, this is interesting really niche with her lore I definitely like the consistency 5/5

Q - Ravage
Nesyrith transfers a shadow of the disease that eats at her and her world into a nearby enemy, dealing true damage and showing them.
  • Skill Type: Targeted
  • Mana Cost: 80 Mana
  • Cooldown: 12 / 11 / 10 / 9 / 8
  • Damage: 3% / 3.75% / 4.5% / 5.25% / 6% (+.01 AP) of maximum health.
  • Slow: % health target is missing (updates every half second)
  • Duration: 3 / 3.25 / 3.5 / 3.75 / 4 seconds
  • Range: 450 Units
Tree Form: Nesyrith casts aside her powers of growth and nurturing and infects the area with her wasting malady, slowing all nearby enemies and increasing the damage they take. As long as Ravage is active, Nesyrith's other auras become inactive.
  • Skill Type: Toggled Aura
  • Mana Cost: None
  • Cooldown: 4 seconds.
  • Damage Increase: 12% / 13% / 14% / 15% / 16% (+.01 AP)
  • Slow: 20%
Okay I felt that the first aspect of this ability was well done was not over powered and the way that you handle the switch with keeping abilities in check here making sure other aura's become inactive is really great. 5/5 excellent job on this ability.

W - Will to Live
Nesyrith infuses a nearby ally with her indomitable drive to survive, removing all temporary debuffs and ongoing damage effects from target ally. If target ally is not suffering from debuffs or DoTs, Will to Live heals the ally instead and its cooldown is reduced by 5 seconds.
  • Skill Type: Targeted
  • Mana Cost: 80 / 95 / 110 / 125 / 140
  • Cooldown: 24 / 23 / 22 / 21 / 20 secondsf
  • Heal: 80 / 135 / 190 / 245 / 300 (+ 45% AP)
  • Range: 750
Tree Form: Passive: Restores a percent of nearby allies' health and mana every second.
  • Skill Type: Passive Aura
  • Health and Mana per Second: 2% / 2.25% / 2.5% / 2.75% / 3% (+.01 AP) of maximum
Looks like you had a minor keyboard spasm here during the typing of seconds. Anywho I like the either/or scenario established with the first spell. Only thing is you really should clarify that a bit better. If I'm not mistaken the heal occurs only if they don't have debuffs on them, but if they do then the spell removes the debuffs and does not heal them. 4/5 just touch up wording a bit.

E - Dryad's Shield
Nesyrith armors target ally in living wood, shielding them from incoming damage. As long as Dryad's Shield persists, the champion it is attached to receives increased healing from all sources.
  • Skill Type: Targeted
  • Mana Cost: 60 / 70 / 80 / 90 / 100 mana
  • Cooldown: 10 seconds
  • Shield Strength: 75 / 125 / 175 / 225 / 275 (+ 65% AP)
  • Increased Healing: 12% / 14 % / 16% / 18% / 20%
  • Range: 600
Tree Form: Passive: Nearby allies gain increased armor and magic resist. Whenever an ally with the aura is damaged, these values briefly increase (stacks up to 3 times).
  • Skill Type: Passive Aura
  • Base Armor and Magic Resist Bonus: 20 / 25 / 30 / 35 / 40
  • Additional Armor and Magic Resist: 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14
  • Additional Armor and Magic Resist Duration: 1 second
I think this is a reasonable spell and is balanced, minor adjustements required for costs because I feel they should be increased. This will definitely enforce skillplay. 4/5

Ultimate - Tree Form
Nesyrith teleports to target location, becoming impassable terrain. In tree from, Nesyrith cannot attack or move but gains variant abilities. Casting Tree Form again returns Nesyrith to her base form after channeling for 3 seconds. Leveling up tree form increases the size of the impassable terrain and the range of her abilities' auras. While in Tree Form, Nesyrith can still be targeted and damaged.
  • Skill Type: Teleport/Form Change
  • Mana Cost: 200 mana
  • Cooldown: 200 / 160 / 120 seconds
  • Teleport Range:
  • Impassible Terrain Diameter: 150 / 175 / 200
  • Aura Radius: 750 / 1000 / 1250

actually i'm kind of saddened now by this ability was really hoping to turn into a tree and walk about but sadly no. Overall the spell works and is balanced; however, I will dock you in gameplay for not making me able to walk around as a tree. I wanted to shout I'M A TREE! You should give her roots and extend her impassable terrain. Currently she is just in the road and easily avoidable. 4/5
up

Overall: 35/40
Lore 4/5
Gameplay: 4/5
Stats: 5/5
Abilities: 22/25


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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keledrath View Post
Well, I just posted a champion who actually fits into all three of the challenge categories, so why not enter? Lore and abilities are fully done (except numbers), mostly because I've been working on and off on this for a few months and just decided to post it.

Champion: Imkor, the Maiden of the Matrix

Concept: Imkor grew up around a weapon idea I had, the matrix cord. The cord is explained in her lore. I actually got the idea from spinning around a pull chain from a ceiling light. I noticed that it had two points that it rotated around: just below where I held it, and a few inches from the other end. Then I got the idea of magical energies, drawn from the cord, gathering in that space inside the spinning cord and being released as a spell. Thus was born the matrix cord.
Inspiration: This is based on a character I wrote in a story. I’ve modified her quite a bit so as to keep her lore under 5 pages, so a few things needed to be reworked.

Unique Ideas: Imkor is a hybrid champion, similar to Jax or Akali. However, she has considerably longer range than either of them (I’m think 400-500). She also has access to 2 different “stances”, one for offense and one for defense. These are used the same way Jayce switches between Hammer and Cannon: and ability, in place of an ultimate, that is available at level 1. Also, all of her six abilities are charged (explained with the abilities).

Name and Title: The name Imkor is what I’ve used in my stories, and I’d prefer to keep it. The title refers to her weapon, the matrix cord

Lore: Imkor was born in a world where magic is bound to physical elements. All things bore an innate magical power, and this fact gave birth to many varied forms of battlemage. Imkor was born into a society that utilized the matrix cord: a long cord of a thousand alloyed metals. The magical powers of the component metals were all maintained in the cord, granting it the flexibility needed for it to become a weapon. By spinning the cord, the wielder could create a magical matrix, and call upon the magic bound in the cord, releasing it as a spell.

Imkor joined the order young, and was considered one of the most hopeless students ever to be admitted. She was unable to even form the magical matrix with a basic cord consisting of less than thirty metals. Then, one night, she stole her master’s cord, a full thousand metal masterpiece. When the order found her, she was forming advanced combinations of spells that had never been seen before. As the rest of the order stared at her in awe, she turned to them, her eyes burning, and spoke a single word: “Goodbye.” As she spoke, the spells she had woven opened a portal and she stepped through, into the unknown. It was at that moment that she first stepped into the city of Piltover.

Imkor's unique form of magic and desire to master her new found talent ultimately led her to the Institute of War. The League, concerned that someone had come to Valoran from another world without their involvement, accepted her into its ranks to ensure that they could keep some hold upon her.

So pretty much another instance of excalibur syndrome. I felt no feelings or personality nothing that made me see how badly she was mentally that she was forced to steal the cord. You need to over amplify the concept that makes this her defining moment. This is where she becomes who she is. So you need to make this part full of overbearing details showing the reader her thoughts and actions and give us shiny little adjectives and adverbs to help solidify the scene in colorful imagery. 3/5

Resource: I’m currently working with mana, but I’m considering making her just CD based, or maybe energy. This line of thought is because her real limiting factor is having to charge her abilities for full effectiveness. She could spam all day, but it would reduce her effectiveness considerably

Note: All numbers are estimates. My strength is in ideas, not necessarily the hard numbers.



Stats
Range: 400(Offensive)/500(Defensive) (I want her to be shorter ranged than most ranged champs, but definitely ranged). For comparison, Jayce is 125/500 (hammer/cannon), while Darius’ Decimate has a range of 425 yes but that is an ability not an attack
Health: 425 + 80/level (505@1, 1865@18)
Health Regen: 7.25 + .5/level (7.75@1, 16.25@18)
Mana: 230 +45/level (275@1, 1040@18)
Mana Regen: 7.0 + 0.5 (7.5@1, 16@18)
Attack Damage: 51 +3.4/level (54.4@1, 112.2@18)
Attack Speed: 0.675 +3.25%/level (0.6969375@1, 1.069875@18)
Armor: 14 +3.5/level (17.5@1, 77@18)
MR: 30 +0/level
Move Speed: 345 (offensive stance)/335 (defensive stance)

honestly i feel the ranges are mixed up tanks are generally close range defensive long range offensive. take for example maokai his offensive spells like sapling toss is long range but his defensive nature gives him closer ranged attacks. 4/5

Role: Imkor’s role depends on which stance she focuses on with her items. Her offensive stance will benefit more from damage and AP items, giving her more of an assassin playstyle. Meanwhile, her defensive stance benefits much more from armor, MR, health, and health regen, turning her into a competent tank. Building a more hybridized route, she can become a powerful offtank.

Abilities: Each of Imkor’s abilities has an offensive and a defensive version, according to her stance. They also need to be charged for their full effectiveness. This charge system is similar to Varus’ Piercing Arrow or Vi’s Vault Breaker. All charges require the same time to reach full power (probably 3-5 seconds).
Unless otherwise stated, her abilities have the same range as her autoattacks.

Matrix Enhancement (Passive): Imkor gains additional stats based on her stance.

Offensive Stance: Every point of bonus Attack Damage grants .25 point of Ability Power and every point of Ability Power grants .1 point of Attack Damage (does not stack with itself)

Maximum AP bonus: Assume a fully stacked Sword of the Occult (+110), 5 fully stacked Bloodthirsters (+500), a red elixir (+15), Gangplank’s Raise Morale (+20), Sona’s Hymn of Valor (+ 20), Janna’s Eye of the Storm (+ 50), Taric’s Radiance (+ 35), Masteries (+ 15), Ignite on Cooldown (+ 5), AD/level runes (+ 50.76), and the Exalted with Baron Nashor uff (+ 40). This is 860.76 bonus AD, resulting in 215.19 bonus AP.

Maximum AD bonus: Assume 5 Rabadon’s Deathcaps (+650, +25%), a fully stacked Mejai’s Soulstealer (+180), Masteries (+24, +5%), scaling AP runes (+ 83.16), Sona’s Hymn of Valor (+20), Lulu’s Whimsy (+ 60), Taric’s Radiance (+ 35), the aura of a Will of the Ancients (+30), Ignite on Cooldown (+5), the Exalted with Baron Nashor buff (+40), an Elixir of Brilliance (+40). This totals 1517.308 AP, resulting in 151.7308 bonus AD.

u mixed these up...

Defensive Stance: Every point of bonus armor grants Imkor +.1 MR, and every point of MR grants her +.1 armor

4/5 fix your example

Offensive

Fireball (Q): Imkor charges a fireball and launches it at the target location. The damage scales with AP, and the longer the spell is charged, the larger the AoE. The damage does not increase with charge time. Enemies on the edge of a charged Fireball take reduced damage, down to 50%
Notes: The size of the AoE would start at about the size of Cassiopeia’s initial Miasma AoE, and the fully charges version would be somewhere between a fully expanded Miasma and Zigg’s ultimate. The damage would be at 100% for the uncharged area, going down until the very edge of the fully charged spell takes half damage. Range from Imkor to the center would be determined the same way as the maximum range of Varus’ Piercing Arrow (the longer the charge, the longer the range).

Breathstealer (W): Imkor charges the power of air, and uses it to steal the air from an opponent’s lungs. Deals some damage (small AP scaling), silences and/or slows.
Notes: The damage would be small (maybe 200ish at rank 5) with bad AP scaling (10-20%). Charging would increase the duration of the slow and/or silence (need to determine which is better for this). The slow would be small with a good duration (10-20% for 5 sec, 10 sec full charge), while the silence would be short (.5 sec, 1-1.5 sec full charge). Range would be 400, and cooldown around 20 sec.

Lightning Strikes (E): Imkor charges the spell and releases it, increasing her movement and attack speed. Amounts are fixed and increase with rank, duration is increased by charging.
Notes: I’m thinking a duration base of about 5 seconds, with a fully charged being 10-15. The bonuses would probably be start at 20% each, and work up to 100. Cooldown would be about double the fully charged duration at rank 1, going down to about 1.5 times the full duration.

Defensive Stance (R): Imkor switches to a defensive stance

Defensive

Calming Waters (Q): Imkor calls upon the power of water to heal her target over time. Also restores a small amount of mana to the target.
Notes: The healing would be done normally over the course of 5 seconds, with the charged version keeping the rate and lasting for twice as long. The mana restore would be a third to half of the equivalent ranked Soraka Infuse (I like the idea of mana restore, but no one else has it)

Earthen Grasp (W): Imkor calls upon the earth to immobilize her target, snaring/stunning them for a time.
Notes: The duration would be entirely charge controlled; lasting about half of the time it takes to fully charge the ability

Spirit Link (E): Imkor channels the power of the spirit realm, creating a tether between Imkor and an allied champion. This bond transfers some of the damage done to the target to Imkor.
Notes: The percentage goes up with rank, and the duration is double the amount of time used to charge it. CD around 30 seconds, down to 20 by rank 5.

Offensive Stance (R): Changes Imkor’s stance into the Offensive Stance.
I see no cooldowns or mana...which means this work is incomplete.

Overall Incomplete Work automatic DQ.


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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fungusfingers View Post
Spencer, The Wanderer


Roles: Assassin, Melee


Lore:

Spencer, when he can be found, is not what one would call a forthcoming individual. Moreover, when he does speak, it becomes readily apparent that whatever horror Spencer survived it came at a cost. Most of his sentences make sense only to him, and he rarely has lucid moments. However, after many talks about his past, many summoners believe him to be a survivor of the Noxian attacks on Ionia. Many of the places he talks about have striking similarities to the environment in Ionia, and his constant talks about the “great cloud” suggest that he may have been a survivor of Singed and Warwicks chemical attacks on Ionian villages.

This is where the very feeble facts about Spencer end, and the theories about his motives in joining the League begin. During the Noxian invasion, there was a legend of a man called The Wanderer. He would free Ionian troops, lay waste to Noxian supply lines, and was always present whenever, and wherever, Warwick and his diabolical apprentice were. However, in the last battles of the war, The Wanderer was nowhere to be found and thought to be lost in those brutal last days. With the emergence of Spencer, and more importantly his use of The Wanderer’s signature weapon of a kunai on a chain, many are now thinking that something terrible must have happened to this broken man who has just been accepted by the League.


Appearance: Spencer is average height, with raven black hair and rather hawkish looking features. His build is slim, but he is very strong for his size. He has a brown leather vest with a canvas backpack over his shoulder, as well as some very basic pants and shirt. He carries a kunai attached with a chain (called Vixen) which he is an expert with due to his strength and agility, and cloth wraps around his fists which he loving calls them the “Wonder Twins”.


Abilities:


Passive: Waste Not- Spencer is a big believer in using everything he can find, taking supplies from recently downed minions and champions around him, permanently improving his attack damage.

When an enemy minion dies Spencer gains .1 attack damage, or 1 attack damage when any champion dies around him (up to a maximum of 15/25/35 attack damage).


Q: Swish / Flick-

Swish: Spencer’s next 3 attacks have increased attack speed and damage. Empowers Flick to have a full 360 degree rotation, if Flick is the next ability used.

Flick: Spencer throws Vixen in a target direction dealing damage to enemies in a line (reduced damage to minions). If it hits an enemy champion he swings them in an arc 180 degrees, if the enemy champion hits terrain they are stunned for 2 seconds and take damage. Empowers Swish to increase the next 4 attacks, if Swish is the next ability used.


W: Butterfly / Bee-

Butterfly: Spencer gains increased movement speed for 2 seconds. If Spencer is targeted by a damaging ability he dodges it, and empowers Bee, if Bee is the next ability used.

Bee: Spencer lashes out at an enemy champion with Vixen doing initial damage, deals physical damage over time if empowered. Empowers Butterfly’s movement buff to last for 2.5 seconds, if Butterfly is the next ability used.


E: Junk / Treasure-

Junk: Spencer throws his backpack to a target location (backpack does not give vision, except for on its hit box) which lays there for 6 seconds. Enemies who step on the backpack give vision for 2 seconds, and are slowed for 2 seconds. Enemy champions killed while Junk is on cooldown, reduce its cooldown by 100%

Treasure: Spencer uses his backpack as a fulcrum letting him vault to it, dealing damage to enemies around him when he lands. Enemy champions killed around Spencer while Treasure is on cooldown, reduce its cooldown by 100%


R: Wonder Twins / Vixen-

Wonder Twins: Spencer wraps Vixen around his fists for close combat, taking less damage from melee sources, but increased damage from ranged sources.

Vixen: Spencer unravels Vixen, using it to increase his attack range. Takes less damage from ranged sources, but increased damage from melee sources.

Wonder Twins / Vixen does not consume empowered charges.

Criteria Met:

Your champion must have a way of deriving power from elsewhere- Pretty much this entire character feeds off of other things. The abilities feed off of each other through empowerment, and his passive grants him extra attack damage for enemies/champions slain.

Your character must have some form of multiple skills on one slot- Every ability has at least 2 skills in one slot. You could argue that some of them have more due to extra effects in certain circumstances (Flick, Butterfly).

Items:

To be added.

Dueling:

To be added.

Teamfights:

To be added.
incomplete work automatic DQ


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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Killerpool View Post
Zack - The Devil Spear

Attack Damage: 9
Defense Power: 4
Ability Power: 2
Difficulty: 4

Overview:
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Origin: City of Geleus
Alliance: Unsorted
Class: Fighter
Subclass: Pusher
Weapon: Spear
Attack Type: Melee
Energy Source: Energy

Appearance
Height Medium ( like Ryze)
Physical Build like Lee Sin
Hair style and color Black hair
Eye color Blue
Weapons Spear
Attire Black suit and pants with bandages on hands and armor only on lower legs and feet.

Base Stats
Damage 55 (+ 3,5)
Attack speed 0.65 (+ 2,8%)
Movement speed 320
Range 150
Armor 18 (+2,5)
Magic resistance 25 (+1,2)
Health 410 (+ 82)
Health regen 0.8 (+0,5)
Energy 200
Energy regen 50

Abilities

(passive)Devil Spear: For each strike Zack gains a stack, up to 3. Then he reaches max stack he's next basic attack will deal 20% bonus attack damage and will hit two additional targets.

(Q)Lance Through: Zack will rush through enemies whit his spear dealing 30/55/80/105/130 (+40/50/60/70/80% AD) physic damage and knocking aside all enemies hit.
Cooldown 10/9/8/7/6 seconds
Cost 60 energy
Range 500/550/600/650/700

(W)Dust Wall Zack will spin he's spear creating wind that will blow dust in the air creating a wall of dust that will slow and silence all enemies hit with dust for 2/2,5/3/3,5/4 seconds. Enemies hit by spear will be dealt 30/40/50/60/70 (+ 30% AD) physic damage.
Cooldown 10/8,5/7/5,5/4 seconds
Cost 40 enrgy
Target diameter area 400
Slow 10%

(E)Devil Slash: Zack swings his spear on target slashing it dealing 50/90/130/170/210 (+ 60/70/80/90/100% AD) and slows it by 10% for 1/1,5/2/2,5/3 seconds.
Cooldownn 10/9,5/9/8.5/8 seconds
Cost 80

(R)Burning Edge:
(passive) - Every time Zack hits a enemy he will ignites them.
Ignite damage: 30/60/90
Ignite time: 5 seconds
(Active) - Zack spear is so hot that he swings it in front of him sending a wave of flames dealing 15/235/320 (+ 120% AD) and igniting all enemies hit, dealing them 30/60/90 damage over last 5 seconds.
  1. Enemies hit with handle of the spear will be dealt 90/175/260 (+ 120% AD) physic damage and will not be ignited.
  1. Enemies hit with the blade of the spear will be dealt 120/205/290 (+ 120% AD) physic damage and will be ignited.
  1. Enemies hit with a flame wave will be dealt 150/235/320 (+ 120% AD) magic damage and will be ignited.

Dialogue

Champion Selection:
Slashing time!
Movement Quotes:
Gladly.
Going.
[starts singing]
[starts swinging spear around him]
Attacking Quotes:
Zack Attack!
Feel the pain!
Swing on me, I swing on you.
You dead yet?
Q Use:
Charge!
W Use:
Look me spin.
E Use:
Swing!
[Laugh]
R Use:
Burn damn you!
Taunts:
Attack if you can.
Jokes:
Gotta dust in you're eyes too bad.[referring to he's W ability]
Recall:
Ooooo, I don't want to go back.
Lunch time, already?
incomplete work automatic DQ


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Moby the White

Senior Member

01-31-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by NA Rukhron View Post
Xugurlna’Quar

Lore

Deep within the heart of the Howling Marshes a creature defies the rule of its self-proclaimed sovereign. Xugurlna’Quar lurks through the death-filled waters of the marsh unhindered by the natural and magical hazards. While the origins of this creature are rather unknown it’s evident that it’s extremely well adapted for its environment. A scavenger by nature Xugurlna’Quar wanders the morass in search of dead creatures to feed. Strangely enough it often regurgitates its food back to the waters and soil of the Howling Marsh, just to come back and repeat the process, spreading the rotting results of his digestions all over the mire. It’s indeed true that this makes him responsible for the maintenance of the swamps soil and water condition to bear new life forms, as twisted as they may be, but Xugurlna’Quar is a cruel predator that stalks its pray maiming and infecting it with a strong disease that he grows in its own body. He then leaves his dying prey to rot out in the open attracting other scavenger so that he can add them to the mass of the mire, in fact he is responsible to attract wildlife into the Howling Marsh so often that he even lure prey for another predators to act as bait for bigger sources of food. Travelers speak of treasures left unchecked throughout the marshes and whole groups of plunderers vanishing in the night.

Some scholars, often survivors of the expeditions, firmly endorse the theory that Xugurlna’Quar has somehow evolved to contain its environment, that is: having the swamp be part of him as opposite to being a part of its wildlife. They affirm that the abomination is somehow able to know the position of others creatures within the marsh with senses fair more keen than sense of smell or hearing, in fact it’s able to react to creatures entering its territory from miles away, usually tracking them down to know it and leaving it be until it decides to maim it and leave to rot. In fact several disturbing reports depict him as an extremely hard to find and suspicious creature that seemed to act more freely grew easier and more fascinating to study as days passed. Those reports tell of a Xugurlna’Quar that’d go on with its habits and even speak with enthusiasm of how the beast seemed to show off, as if by some form of sentience it could recognize their effort into document the way he lived; sadly, those reports where commonly found near puddles of rotting remains by the rescue squads who successfully left the Howling Marshes.

Even with that Xugurlna’Quar was viewed as an exotic wild beast that was twisted by magic and ended up leading the unprepared scholar to maddened claims over unclear evidences. This until the constant requesting of Karthus' presence in the Fields of Justice left him unhindered to act and a significantly large increase on the size of the Howling Marshes was perceived. The summoners realized that Xugurlna’Quar had to be summoned away from the Howling Marshes regularly to balance the effects. It was then that they were greeted by an unnerving truth, not only the abomination was sentient, but it was able to communicate and understand the environmental impact of its actions. With origins still unknown and an unclear living habit Xugurlna’Quar is now summoned to fight into the field of justice and to keep the greater forces of the Howling Marsh in a state of balance. It seems undisturbed by the summonings, but in its behavior a clear intention can be perceived – for Xugurlna’Quar everything shall become its territory, its marsh, its maw.

“When crossing the Howling Marshes, touch nothing, follow nothing and do no noise, just cross it and leave a horse.” – Travelers’ Saying

I noticed a few phononyms that were misused and improper use of words in general. It was filled with minor structural errors as well as a few other mistakes but overall it kept my interest despite being rather lengthy. 3/5

P. Rotting Disease
Enemies around you are granted a stack of Rotting Disease every half second.
Rotting Disease lasts 5 seconds, every second 1 stack of Rotting Disease is consumed to deal 4 (+2*Level) (+0.1*AP) (+3*Current number of stacks of Rotting Disease).
An enemy that dies while infected releases a fog in its place that has the same number of stacks and loses 5 per second; it infects each enemy inside the area with 1 of the lost stacks, unused stacks are simply lost.

So this just happens...you don't have to hit them or anything...this seems unclear, overpowered and is missing range at which this happens. 3/5

Q. Drag to the Swamps.
Passive: Every 12/11/10/9/8 seconds your next attack is a sweeping strike with extended range that hits all enemies in a cones and pull then closer and inflict Rotting Disease.
Active: Operates with Charge – Rested Tentacles; can hold 2 and refresh at the rate of 1 every 24/22/20/18/16 seconds (lowered by cooldown reduction).
Stretches one of the tentacle-mouths in your back to take a bite of enemies in target area dealing damage and applying 1 stack of Rotting Disease; flings the innermost one toward you.
Cost: 120 mana
Cooldown: 3 seconds

well i do like how you gave the champion a way to apply rotting disease. It already get's applied and is consumed over time. Unless you have another consume function here I don't see this being used as just a way to apply the disease consistently. Your cooldown is far too low in my opinion and the amount of damage is missing 3/5

W. Digestive Morass
Active:
Cast Self (Alt+W)
The various mouths around your body start puking and oozing over 3 seconds covering a large area around of you in a Thick Digestive Ooze every half second.
Cast Skillshot
Puke violently in a straight line dealing magic damage to the first enemy hit and stunning it by from the impact; applies one stack of Rotting Disease. A small area around him is turned into an area of Digestive Ooze.
Violent Puke Damage: 40/70/100/130/160 (0.4*AP)
Violent Puke Stun duration: 0.75 second.
Digestive Ooze [and Thick Digestive Ooze] stats:
Duration: 3 [7] seconds
Damage per second: 10/18/26/34/42 (+0.1*AP) [20/30/40/50/60 (+0.2*AP)] + 1 stack of Rotting Disease
Slow: 30 [45]% movement speed
Radius: 135 [250] units radius.
Activation Cooldown: 15 seconds
Activation Cost: 100 mana

Well you should really state that it isn't an area of ooze but more so that it spawns ooze. I think that would be more accuarate. 4/5 minor touchups

E. Maiming Entanglement
Extend your tentacles in a cone and rake enemies inside dealing an initial damage and applying 1 stack of Rotting Disease and a damage of time that slows their movement and attack speed by 30%. Enemies bleeding that way are more prone to infection and gain 1 stack of Rotting Disease for every 4 stacks gained through regular forms.

Well there is no damage here no cooldown here no mana cost this is not a completed ability

R. Devouring Plague:
Instantly consumes up to 4 stacks of Rotting Disease from all enemies infected by it in a huge area to deal 120/135/150% amplified damage plus 75/100/125 (+0.4*AP) magic damage and 10(+10 per stack consumed)% movement speed slow for 3 seconds (recovering over the duration). Xugurlna’Quar is healed by 50% of the damage done this way.

no cooldown or mana cost incomplete
overall: incomplete work automatic DQ.