Totally Lore Canon One Shot- The Pole

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LordHippoman

Senior Member

12-07-2012

"Sorry Katarina." muttered the Riot Police, "Turns out not everybody plays this game for boobs." The Noxian assassin looked behind her at the two men pulling her Candy Cane Pole (tm) into the truck. Thousands of raging summoners banged at the gates, shouting: "GIVE US THE POLE BACK!" "WE WANT KAT'S POLE!", but Volibear stood triumphantly above them on a raised platform. "Summoners, please, calm down! Someone get the appeasement!"

Mundo and Singed appeared, dragging a pouting Riven with them, clad in her Battle Bunny skin. "Sorry Riven," said Volibear. "We need you to take one for the team here." Katarina looked mournfully at the other champion as she was led into the leering crowd. Some sacrifices had to be made. "MUNDO THINK MUNDO SEXY SKIN BE GOOD IDEA!" shouted the doctor. "SEXY MUNDO SELL BEST OF ALL SKINS!" The truck, now with the candy cane lodged inside of it, began to pull out of the Institute of War. The word "REMOVED CONTENT" was plastered across the side. Mordekaiser ran after it, shouting. "Return my crotch spike to me, Riot! I demand crotch spike!"

A few hours later, the doors to the Institute swung open again, revealing a very angry Riven. "Nobody is allowed to ogle me for a month. That's the new rule.". Katarina turned to thank her. "I've no respect for you, Exile. But what you did was noble." Riven let out a half-smile. "Someone's got to do it. Say, I wonder what's going to happen to that pole?

MEANWHILE

Security doors swing open as the truck pulls in, Riot officials standing near an open pit. "Send it in." The pole tumbled down the hole, into Magma Chamber. A mysterious crawling figure skittered towards it, Lord Mordekaiser's old crotch spike affixed to it's back.

"Sweet!" shouted Omen. "New toys!"

Have a Very Omen Christmas!


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Sylph

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Emissary of the League

12-07-2012

Simply hilarious. +1

I am thankful to this day that General Discussion is separated from the rest of the logical, thinking world.


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Prince Kassad

Senior Member

12-07-2012

The people of the lore forums are awesome.


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LordHippoman

Senior Member

12-08-2012

Oh dammit, I just realized I should have had Omen wearing an Innervating Locket and drinking a nice cold Elixir Of Agility.


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KiteAzure

Senior Member

12-08-2012

Sexy mundo... image forever stuck in my head.


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shadooklaw

Senior Member

12-11-2012

"Nooooo! Don't take it!" Omen shouted at the Riot security guards, "Don't take it away again!" They manage to pull the Candy Cane Pole (tm) away from Omen and walk out, closing the doors behind them. Inside, Omen goes off to a corner and starts sippping his Elixer of Agility, his Innervating Locket dangling underneath him.

At the other side of the door, the guards were muttering to themselves, "Well, at least he didn't attack us." They hand the candy cane over to the Riot Police.

Outside the institute, Katarina is returned the pole in front of a whooping and yelling crowd. Volibear stood on the platform, telling the crowd that "Though we have returned to pole, there will be NO pole dancing. We apologise for the inconvenience."

After his speech the crowd started banging on the gates again. Volibear shouted something to the guards, and they nodded, heading in. However, when they came out again their uniforms were ripped and had chunks of broken carrot clinging on to them. As they started to explain, an angry voice shouted from somewhere within the Institute and a Wind Slash came out, slicing everything in range in half, including the Candy Cane Pole (tm) and the guards.



So, apparently Riot did NOT remove the pole, just changed it.


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Morec0

Senior Member

12-11-2012

Haha! Nice!


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Harvester

Senior Member

12-14-2012

There are monuments down there to those that climbed out of the pit and faced the light. They are heroes. They are Power. They. Are. CHAMPIONS.
And there names are:
Lee Sin
Wukong (Remember that looooong waiting period after his first announcement?)
And the greatest one of all time:
Urf. He comes and goes as he pleases.