One Who is Whole(An ?OCxRiven? FanFic)

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Magister Gir

Senior Member

02-19-2013

but you had Riven.... sober.... saying it was her room, she was walking around in HER room. She fell asleep on HER bed. It's bull ****. if you wanted it to be his room you need to put that in there not say she fell asleep in HER room. Anyway I'm done commenting I'm just going to wait for next ch.

As she came back to her house, another note was there like every other day.
^ that's why I call BS. Ch. 3


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Theamp4

Senior Member

02-19-2013

That was just an error on my part then. I didn't notice that part, if it really irks you, I can fix it.

TECHNICALLY. There should be 2 notes if I'm not mistaken. But I decided not to put a second one. I could be wrong. IDK.


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Magister Gir

Senior Member

02-19-2013

if you fixed it, it would mean having to re-write that whole,or at least the bottom part, ch.3 as well as 4. You have to re-read your stuff before posting it saying it out loud to see if it made any sense because it didn't, and please don't come up with a "oh she was teleported by blah blah to his room as a prank" please that's just poor writing.


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Theamp4

Senior Member

02-28-2013

Sorry for pissin about on writing. I just have been really demotivated lately...

Also, Frosty and Kitz, can I talk to you two ingame?


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Frost Archer

Senior Member

02-28-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Theamp4 View Post
Sorry for pissin about on writing. I just have been really demotivated lately...

Also, Frosty and Kitz, can I talk to you two ingame?
North American Eastern Time Zone<--- le moi. usually on from 8 to 10:30. :/


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Theamp4

Senior Member

03-01-2013

Alright!

It seems like I just needed a little outside help, thanks to frosty for doing nothing (lol)

Anyway Next chapter, NAO.


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Theamp4

Senior Member

03-01-2013

Chapter 10/Part 1.

A Punishment Worse than Death

“…Why am I not surprised…”

Cassiopeia averted her eyes. “I’m sorry… This light just appeared, and a wolf just popped out of nowhere it seemed. I didn’t want to risk anything with him there…”

“Whatever… Send for him. He must know what we are up to if he is to help.”

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Auron slowly climbed the mountain covering his village from sight. The village was surrounded by them, so it was almost impossible to not be seen coming down. The sun shone above him, causing him to sweat profusely. He always hated this part of coming home.

At the crest of the hill, he turned back, surveying the land where he had come from. The sight brought distant memories, memories that he quickly tried to file back into the file cabinet in his mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wow Auron… The sky is so beautiful…”

Auron gave a half smile. “Yeah Esmee… The night sky always is…”

The two lay flat on the ground, staring at the starry night. Esmee’s dark blue pony tail spread out behind her, held down by her splayed out hands to protect from the wind. Her body nestled close to Auron, and they together almost fit like a puzzle piece. Her mature form hid her more youthful side. Her legs crossed over each other. Auron, himself, was on his side, one hand holding his head up, the other at his side, and one leg lifted to rest as well. The two were in a very provocative pose, but only if you didn’t know them.

Esmee lifted herself up by her elbows, turning her head to him. “I should probably go…”

Auron groaned rather loudly. “Is he really making you do… that… again?!” Esmee nodded her head, to his discontent. Auron shook his head, and stared at the sky in silence.

As if on cue, they both stood up together. They exchanged a small smile and a hug. “Do you really have to go…”

Her response was unexpected at best. She broke down crying in his arms. “You don’t know what he will do if I don’t… Auron… You don’t know what he does to me every time… I’m alone here…”

Auron could only stand there, holding her firmly in his embrace. He stood there in silence, letting her take comfort in his arms. Quietly, he whispered in her ear. “You should probably get to him then… if it is that bad…”

She nodded, cleared her eyes on his shoulders, and pushed herself off of him gently. Esmee chuckled, and struck a pose such as a modern belly dancer would make. “Think he still wants me?” She said jokingly.

Auron looked her over twice. “I’m sure anyone would!” He said, giving her a cat call in the process.

Esmee blushed, gave him a quick peck on the cheek as a goodbye, and left him there.

Auron smiled… and wept when she was back at the village.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Auron returned to himself again, his eyes stained with tears. He wiped them away, and stared off into the distance. The view did little to comfort him, and he could only find bad thoughts in the solace of the soon to be setting sun. Auron took one last look, and turned around, facing the village.

In the twilight between light and dark, stood his destroyed village, large wooden poles holding up bodies of friends he once knew, of men and women he had grown to respect, and of children, ones either he had never really talked to, or some of his closest friends.

It was a slaughter at best. There were no swords on the ground, there were no defensive areas set should they be invaded. No, the invasion was swift and surprising. No extra bodies of the dead invaders were visible, nothing to betray the monsters who had done the atrocity.

Auron’s emotional status plummeted to the lowest it could be. “No… No this can’t be right! I’ve only been gone a week…”

He set off on a descent, half running, half sliding, down the mountain protecting his village, each moment crushing his mind and heart more and more.

Leila, Cori, Brok, Pete. Auron could name almost every man, woman, or child on their skewers. Every door to every house was wide open, or smashed into pieces, each one harboring his family as he liked to call his closest friends, and his farthest acquaintances before their untimely demise.

Every house he looked in showed no signs of life anymore. Even his own house had been untouched, save for the broken door and some furniture which had been placed in front of the door in protection, which apparently did little to help.

The town square had two stone tables, of which the chief of the village would make speeches, where they held festivals, and where main events for the village always were. The two tables themselves were occupied, by two bodies not on skewers.

His soul died at the sight.
“Mother…” The first table that was occupied held Lily, her hands folded in front of her, eyes closed. Her pose gave off an otherworldly glow, though the body was cold as ice. Nothing moved when he touched her, or held her hand.

Auron shook her violently. “P-please! Wake up Mom! Y-you can’t be gone!” His words fell on deaf ears, for she never once showed signs of waking up.

It was then his eyes fell onto the next table.

As had his soul died, so did his heart’s emotions.

“Esmee…”

Author's Note: This took WAY longer than it needed to. Sorry for the hold ups. Feedback es mucho appreciado. ”Graciąs!


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saladeo

Senior Member

03-01-2013

Creo que esta bien el capitulo, lets see what magister says :s


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Magister Gir

Senior Member

03-01-2013

i honestly like this chapter, it brings a backstory to the guy and the usual love background that raises the interest of who was going to beat and or rap.e her... unless this its present, if it is still intriguing enough to provoke that someone is now pushing for a war, a very subtle, and quick war. so all in all very good


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saladeo

Senior Member

03-01-2013

Because he's the member fanfiction deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So, we'll downvote him, because he can take it. Because he's not our usual feedback. He's a silent downvoter. A watchful criticer. A Dark Poster.