Moby the White's stuff and other stuff

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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-12-2012

afk @ 5/5:30 am EST'
bbl @ 7:30/8 am EST


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-13-2012

Cilla the Psyche Review

author asked for a standard review rather than my typical review style, and it is by far the longest I've ever done.

you can read more about Cilla here

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moby the White View Post
I felt the story was good it just needs a few tweaks here and there to avoid run ons. Infamous threw me off at first just due to the intent behind the definition. After re-reading your lore I was able to grasp that you meant she was famous in a bad way but not famous for bad things. Almost as if they all teased her. This is a theme that you approached in the second paragraph. I really felt that the tone and mood of this piece shied towards desperation and wanting mainly applied to escape, whether she wanted physical or mental escape is up to the reader to interpret. I found that to be a nice touch of symbolism, metaphor, imagery, etc.

I saw you didn't like your passive; however, I found your passive to be relatively balanced with the exception of the massively large range of 2000. If you were to lower this amount to 900 or 1000 I feel it would be better suited for LoL. This is due to 1000 is if I am accurate just within sight range. If you don't have sight of the champ I don't think this should occur. I also think that maybe you should lower the time requirement to a more reasonable amount. But that is my opinion. With the way you are currently executing this you are forcing her to constantly be near enemies in order to gain the maximum benefit as quickly as possible. I like the idea; however, I feel you could execute it slightly differently and still be happy with it. If you want I can help you with this.

Your Q instantly reminded me of Stuffy Doll, not in its effect, but in that you are innovating a new way of establishing damage. With this spell you are establishing a theme that forces enemies to choose between one outcome or another. That is excellent since it synergizes so well with your theme of psyche. I found the wording of the spell unclear at first and had to read it several times before grasping it. Like Stuffy Doll I feel that this spell will require minor editting to wording before you get it perfect.

With that in mind I move on to your W, a spell which creates a synergy with your Q that may rival malzahar's malefic visions coincidentally the same spell as you originally compare Q to in animation sense. I think the wording of the secondary unit effect is a little confusing since you say "Target unit is also inflicted with psychosis" I think that by just saying "Secondary Unit is also inflicted with Psychosis" you can avoid confusion here. Late game damage here seems just a bit high because it is optimal to combo this move. You may wish to consider lowering the damage just a little bit not too much. Keep early game same just lower mid to late game by a few points. I'd say a nice round 200 would be fine, that 8 just drives me crazy. Return from tangent back to the synergy of the spell. I don't know if you meant to do it, but this spell is a force to seperate targets from groups in order to divide and conquer teamfights. Quite similar approach to how Zilean's bombs work.

Moving along we come to your E ability. This ability returns to the whole choose your fate aspect. Either take the damage or take the stun. I felt both were balanced since it gave the champion the option of running away or staying. This spell would work well specifically while combo'd with Psychosis cast on Neurosis. Force them to run and be stunned.

Finally your ult. I only found one problem with it. The current availability of casting it on an ally. That is not something I think you wanted. Maybe change to Target Enemy in your first sentence in order to clarify. I had to read the whole 10% sentence about 3 times before I realized exactly what it did. I should have understood the first time based purely on the fact that you said they were tethered and took damage from their allies. I don't know what it was about that sentence but it caught me in confusion for a brief moment.

Overall I felt that it was a well thought out concept that needs minor changes in order to improve it. I think with this review you could come closer to perfection.


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-13-2012

aww **** its that time where everyone falls asleep


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-13-2012

time for me to sleep now afk for hours not sure when I'll be back


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DarthDevor

Senior Member

12-13-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarthDevor View Post
Could you review my champion?
Alarac, the Son of Death
Fixed


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Zarkof

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

12-13-2012

As for your lore pqwer, please don't weigh syntax, clarity, and theme as highly as things like balance, utility, and synergy as far as skills go. I don't think you should have Lore weigh as much as the skills (perhaps a few points less), but if you think it's vital then so be it. If you don't already weigh every separate aspect equally then alright.

If I was taking test and I had a really terrible grammar but I had a perfect answer, I wouldn't want to get the same score as someone with perfect grammar but a terrible answer.


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-13-2012

even my physics teacher docked for spelling


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Zarkof

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

12-13-2012

yes, but not as heavily as the actual answer. maybe the question would be worth 10 points and you'd only get 1 point off for spelling


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-13-2012

Lore is your backbone so I feel that it should be weighted equally to an ability if not more. You should spend as much time on your lore as you do making your abilities.

Clarity is very important. If I cannot understand the spell or its effects then I shouldn't have to waste time figuring it out. Syntax is very important. By now you should be able to spell words properly and know how to use the English language. By posting here and asking for feedback you should realize that I will analyze this aspect in an effort to help you fix your spell's spelling and grammar. I spend ample time reading over each spell analyzing it for mistakes, Don't you want to know what mistakes have been made? Don't you as a writer want to be told about it so you can perfect it? I know I would.
Theme is the whole point. If you establish a theme in your lore about fluffy bunnies and all of a sudden your spells are about exploding fire then you didn't meet the theme. What was the point of reading the lore then? There is no point. The lore is now useless

I'm not going to defend Lore PQWER all day because i need to sleep, but just remember that it is purely so you can compare your concept to your own concepts. I do not think you can compare your lore PQWER to other peoples Lore PQWER since I know I don't always give the same effort while reading every lore. I'm sorry but doing it over and over again while staying up all night gets rather boring after my 5th review I get kind of annoyed that no one has said **** about my concepts.

It is my opinion and my rating system developed by me for me so I can help you. Your original review was ****. And I need to re-review that champion due to the conversion from 30 to 150 not being quite proportionally as accurate as I thought.


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-13-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarthDevor View Post
Fixed
I will look at this tonight