Moby the White's stuff and other stuff

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DarthDevor

Senior Member

12-08-2012

Could you review my champion?
Alarac, the Son of Death
Fixed.


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-08-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarthDevor View Post
Could you review my champion?
Alarac, the Son of Death
i will add it to the list


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-09-2012

Each criterion is on a scale of 1-5. Rating is on 1-5 1 being poor 2 needs minor improvements 3 fits criteria. 4 being exceed expectations 5 being Excellent. Or Rating Scale can be 1 poor needs major improvement, 2 below average needs improvement, 3 Average fulfills requirements mostly but could be improved in certain ways. 4 Above average needs very little additions, 5 Excellent exceeds expectations is ready for Index. All concepts must be in thread and champions competing in contests will not be accepted until the contest is over.



Organization: Does your concept express methods of separation such as quote usage, bolds, underline, italics. Is everything easy to find or does the reader have to search.

Clarity: Syntax, Fluidity. Is everything spelled properly is everything easily understandable?

Artistic: Does your concept have descriptions of Animations, Icons, Champion Art, Lore. Is it canon to the Theme that you have established? ( Theme applies to abilities, icons, lore, and title)

Informative: Abilities, costs, cooldowns, ranges, base stats. Are they present or are they missing?

Balanced: Is all your information reasonable in scaling and base amounts or is your champion UP/OP?

Originality: Is your concept new and unique, are the spells new and unique. Is the lore original or is it a similar story arc to an existing champion?

Index Rating must exceed XX/30


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-10-2012

redo take 1:

All battles require resources, the greatest resource is food for the soldiers. In Demacia this food is supplied by local farms in a trade for protection over their lands. In one such village there lives a young boy named Longis-the son of the cattle farmer who transports all of the supplies from the village to the city-state of Demacia. Longis always begged his father to take him on the convoy to Demacia, but his father told him that he was far too young and small, and that he needed him on the ranch. Thus his father would journey off with his convoy of supplies to Demacia, and Longis would be left to guide the herd. The dull monotonous repetition of it all quickly drove Longis to boredom, and so in order to fill his time he began practicing using the herding whips every day for hours after finishing his choirs. Soon he became deadly accurate with the whips-the power of the blows amplified by the hard work on the farm. That fall his father saw his boy Longis had grown larger and stronger and told him that next summer Longis could ride along.

The following summer came fairly quickly, and the excitement in Longis could barely be contained. Longis and his father packed the supplies and left for Demacia, leaving a local neighbor in charge of the herd. They rode out the same trail that his father had been traveling for the last sixteen years, the journey seemingly smooth. Of course that was until they were attacked by Noxian forces attempting to sabotage the transport route. His father owned no guns or axes, but he did own a pair of metal whips with razor-like barbs. He gave one to his son telling him to fight for his life. Longis flicked and slashed his whip about killing men the instant it touched them. It seemed that he and his father were going to be okay until Longis turned around to see a man cleave his father in half with an axe. The man was the legendary hand of Noxus, Darius himself. Longis quickly rolled over to his father's whip, grabbed it and began fending off the incoming blows of Darius. After a long excruciating battle, Longis was able to tire out Darius forcing him to retreat. But Longis would not let him escape, he would follow Darius to the ends of Runeterra to exact his revenge. And so Longis followed Darius to the League of Legends.

"I never knew that the greatest potential lies in sheer determination until now" Irelia


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-11-2012

Lore PQWER review:

If you want to read more about Safir Click here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moby the White View Post
Lore PQWER review:

Lore: 22/25
Clarity: 3/5 slight grammer issues plus I had to reread a few lines just to infer their meaning
Theme: 5/5
Motivation: 5/5
Tone/Mood: 5/5 you made me hate him at times
Likability: 4/5 i felt the the kingslayer scene was anticlimatic and that the demon should not have made him more powerful than him

P: 23/25
Utility: 5/5
Synergy:5/5
Theme: 5/5
Clarity: 4/5 may want to rename it Prince's Dignity unless his name somehow became Dignity?
Balance: 4/5 scaling up of the passive appears to be missing only has two ranks of possible scaling.

Q. 23/25
Utility: 5/5
Synergy: 5/5
Theme: 5/5
Clarity: 4/5 I think the word you are looking for is envelop
Balance: 4/5 again you are missing some scaling here.

W. 24/25
Utility: 5/5
Synergy: 5/5
Theme: 5/5
Clarity: 5/5
Balance: 4/5 that missing scaling is killing you

E. 23/25
Utility: 5/5
Synergy: 5/5
Theme: 5/5
Clarity: 4/5 You could easily say that "Safir dashes forward to target location dealing x/x/x/x/x (+xAd) damage to nearby enemies; in addition, Safir stuns them for x/x/x/x/x seconds upon landing."
Balance: 4/5 need I say it?

R: 21/25
Utility: 5/5
Synergy: 5/5
Theme: 5/5
Clarity: 1/5 Okay so you lost four points here rather that 1 point per ability which is exactly the same when it comes to the total. The reason I docked it here was so I could explain it once. The dual name thing confused me at first and I was going to dock you 1 point per spell, but then I was able t infer after reading this spell 3 times that the dual names are the spells that you unlock while ulted. I felt that the wording of this ult was very confusing on both aspects the passive and the active as well.
Balance: 5/5

Bonus: +5

Total Lore PQWER: 141/150


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-11-2012

added safred the all knowing to assisted works


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-11-2012

I have a new champion concept in progress in my mind I may try and make him tonight if i get the chance.


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Leo Tomita

Senior Member

12-11-2012

Yo Moby...when you stop swimming and flee from captain Ahab could you review Gregorio "Greg" Gutierrez - the Limb Remover....link me whatever you want...Plus ill probably need with some help on Lore's...dont worry ill give you the credits with all my heart and as long the pre-lore i give to you do not becomes too diferent....we be fine....i already have Greg's Lore, i just need some time to translate and post it...needing help with some numbers..my eyes are bleeding and i can not see Greg's balance problems right now....
oh and i also friend of Mytharonias...
let make a trinity force, he makes the theme, you Lore, and i balance...im actually good at it...but i just got stucked at Greg.....

lol this post becomes HUGE...hope you read it!


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-11-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leo Tomita View Post
Yo Moby...when you stop swimming and flee from captain Ahab could you review Gregorio "Greg" Gutierrez - the Limb Remover....link me whatever you want...Plus ill probably need with some help on Lore's...dont worry ill give you the credits with all my heart and as long the pre-lore i give to you do not becomes too diferent....we be fine....i already have Greg's Lore, i just need some time to translate and post it...needing help with some numbers..my eyes are bleeding and i can not see Greg's balance problems right now....
oh and i also friend of Mytharonias...
let make a trinity force, he makes the theme, you Lore, and i balance...im actually good at it...but i just got stucked at Greg.....

lol this post becomes HUGE...hope you read it!
LOL ill see what I can do tonight I don't know how much I will get done at work tonight. Kids are crazy today...


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-11-2012

saving for later have a bunch of stuff written in here so noone can see it