Moby the White's stuff and other stuff

Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Moby the White

Senior Member

12-06-2012

added a review list to front page so that people know who i am reviewing each night


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Moby the White

Senior Member

12-06-2012

Lassarin's Lore PQWER: 149/150

You can read more about Lassarin here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moby the White View Post
i read this one before and i loved it i should probaly give it a score too

Lore Power Review Score:
Lore: 24/25
Reason: I absolutely love the lore I feel that it can be improved in some areas just with how you worded things I would be glad to elaborate if need be.

Passive: 24/25
Reason: Unique and original requires you to constantly move back and forth. fulfills the theme and it is clear concise and shows no major errors. I would change only one thing and that is how this sentence reads: he will take Flight after one second of continuous motion. I suggest saying he wil gain "Flight" after one second.... this way you aren't confusing your reader with the next couple sentences about how he won't lose Take Flight until he reenters combat.

Q. 25/25
Reason: despite what you may think i actually gave full credit for theme and synergy here. I felt that this skill is your last hit button or your opener. I felt that with your passive you are promoting that pacing technique used by a lot of players to avoid autoattacking. I felt that severance fits within the theme of being a stone idol of a god and the whole religious speel.

W. 25/25
Reason: okay so you just opened up with Severance and now your passive is gone. I feel that the synergy of the slow allows you to still have that upperhand and continually chase. I feel it fits well within the whole bird theme. plus you have additional synergy with E ability

E. 24/25
Reason: you provided a gap closer that allows you to reproc the bleed effect from the slow in addition you gave it a secondary effect that works while your passive is active providing lots of synergy here. The second ability provides lots of utility for escaping chases or getting back to lane incredibly fast i feel that being invulnerable during the duration is a bit much due to the fact that he travels so quickly i feel it is an unneccesary bonus.

R. 23/25
Reason: I felt that the balance here is questionable. You have low damage but high armor pen and high ad ratios. I can estimate the amount of damage based on research with 200 armor subtracting 100 armor leaves 100 armor, 100 armor mitigates 50% of damage. From this we can say that at 300 AD you are dealing 440 damage before mitigation occurs. 220 total damage is dealt to target at highest rank. At the same time if you put them at negative armor the damage is substantial. Maybe lower the armor pen but up the damage for a more consistent effect. This requires a lot of actual analyzation for me to judge and for that i docked you :P

Bonus +3
Reason: Originality, Organization, and Gameplay. Your organization was an inspiration to me when i first read it a while back. Since then I utilize quoting the seperate my stuff and make it look neater.
Lore PQWER: 146/150
+3
Total Lore PQWER : 149/150


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Moby the White

Senior Member

12-06-2012

Jenpa's Lore PQWER: 142/150

you can read more about Jenpa here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moby the White View Post
As promised
Jenpa's Lore PQWER:

Lore: 24/25
Reason: I noticed a few minor errors. I also found it odd that Zilean didn't inform her of the league when he first met her but that didn't cost you anything

P: 23/25
Reason: It meets the theme of vengence but I didn't think it met the theme of timey wimey stuff. Also i felt that 30% increased attack speed might be too high only docked one point for that because i may change it after researching other AS buffs.
I also will change this P score if you update your passive in the near future to something different. This one was a hard one to judge since you do have an underlying theme within your lore that being the theme of a vengeful assassin.


Q. 24/25
Reason: I felt it was pretty unique and cool, I feel you can touch up the description just a little bit to better describe the persist and re-activate feature. Maybe introduce a diminishing effect for damage dealt by additional knives. Make each knife do X damage. Each additional knife has their damage subtracted by Y. Maybe something like that. If you want you could make it so that she can press it and direct each knife individually just another idea for you.

W. 20/25
Reason: Zilean's E is called Time Warp, his only affects the movement speed of one target by 55%. I felt it was way overpowered, and slightly unoriginal. Your passive has a similar effect to this spell so it is almost as if you have a spell that can activate your passive at will. It has synergy with your passive but that is only because they are practically doing the same thing. I docked you points for stealing Zilean's spell name too.

E. 25/25
Reason: everything fulfulls my requirements. However allow me to just say that I don't really like how the animation description sounds. I kind of wished that she was going to throw the knife at target location, "stop time", dash to her knife, grab her knife, and then attack nearby targets. Just one of those jo-jo stylistic kind of animations that you could have.

R. 23/25
Reason: I felt you could clear up a few things in how you worded it. Also I felt that some indication of possible damage done by this spell would have been helpful no points docked for that though. I would consider adding in that damage mitigation for being hit by multiple knives in some fashion in order to regain the point for balance.

Bonus: +3

Total Lore PQWER: 142/150


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Moby the White

Senior Member

12-06-2012

Kawacko's Lore PQWER: 141/150

You can read more about Kawacko here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moby the White View Post
Lore PQWER review:

Lore: 23/25
Reason: Syntax- you had several spelling and grammar errors that made the story hard to understand for me unfortunately i docked you 2 points here. I think it is very good and original despite these errors and was actually well done just fix those errors.

P. 22/25
Reason: balance I felt that the ability to automatically see stealthed units removes several champions from the game entirely. I think that maybe he could just be alerted to nearby stealthed targets within 800 units without gaining sight of them.

Q. 23/25
Reason: Clarity and Balance. i felt that the description of the 7 secs was a little unclear and so i docked you one point in clarity. As for balance being able to do that much damage was far too powerful in my eyes in addition there is a 20% increase on that damage and a slow. i'd lower the damage a little bit on the second active.

W. 23/25
Reason: Balance 3 sec flat stun that doesn't scale up to three seemed overpowered. Plus the synergy with your Q. is far too powerful. Enemies that are pancaked should not be able to be attacked for the duration unless by an anvil followed by a safe followed by piano.

E. 24/25
Reason: balance olaf's ult is 6 secs 4 secs is a little too much, maybe reduce it to 2 secs with some scaling up to 2 secs.


R. 22/25
Reason: obviously for clarity sorry. If you could describe what you want it to do I could maybe help with what is should say; however, some may argue that my clarity is not always perfect itself either.

Bonus: +4

Total Lore PQWER 141/150


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Moby the White

Senior Member

12-06-2012

Rose the Blossoming Warrior Lore PQWER 140/150

you can read more about Rose here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moby the White View Post
Lore PQWER Review:

Lore 18/25
Reason: syntax-spelling and grammar errors. Needs work in fluidity as well

P.25/25
Reason: seemed well balanced and creates a strong theme.

Q. 22/25
Reason: Clarity- spell is very difficult to interpret. Does it work like broken wing combo or what?

W. 24/25
Reason: Clarity- you could touch up the consecutive hits sentence and make it easier to understand.
"First person the bullet hits deals full damage, the next consecutive person or minion behind it would receive 5% less of the original damage output." Just fix this up and make it more clear I understand it but maybe the average reader won't

E. 23/25
Reason: Clarity- "Attack speed is also increased. Along with that however, her range increases on all her previous attacks. Hence, her Q would have a +75 range (both times), her W would have a +100 range, and her R would have a +75 range. " you could word this part better. Try maybe " While Iron Blade is active Rose's basic attacks and spells gain 25/30/45/50/55% bonus attack speed and an additional +75 range." i would stick to just 75 or 100 for simplicity but that is up to you.

R. 23/25
Reason: Clarity- you should describe the twirling and rose petals better. How exactly does this spell occur is it because she spins her Scythe. give a better visual representation of how the spell goes off.


Bonus: +5

Total Lore PQWER: 140/150


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Moby the White

Senior Member

12-06-2012

added a faq for QOL


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Moby the White

Senior Member

12-07-2012

Reviewed Nathaniel Lore PQWER: 138/150

if you would like to read more about nathaniel click here.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Moby the White View Post
hmm well this was a little off kelter for you osprii

Lore: 23/25
Reason: Clarity and Syntax. A few minor mispellings here and there and a couple tricky parts to grasp. Overall great story you really made me hate your champion.

Opinion: the thematic approach is definitely here, synergy is here, I feel that the balance is off though the numbers appear far too high and are a flat percent that doesn't scale
P: 23/25
Reason: Balance

Opinion: has really nice late game scaling. however i found the bonuses made it only complex and harder to judge
Q. 23/25
Reason: balance i think its a great spell with great bonuses but with all these added bonuses it does far too much and some of the numbers are far too high with shield bonus need to nerf shield amount, with sword bonus need to nerf amplification amount %

Opinion: seems like a cool spell with a cool ability but i think the bonuses add too much
W: 23/25
Reason: same balance " i think its a great spell with great bonuses but with all these added bonuses it does far too much and some of the numbers are far too high" lower all percents to 10%

Opinion: seems like a really cool ability i think that 950 units is a bit too far i would suggest 900, your bonuses again do way too much
E. 23/25
Reason: same reason:" balance i think its a great spell with great bonuses but with all these added bonuses it does far too much and some of the numbers are far too high" lower all percents to 8%

Opinion: sword bonus too damn high
R. 21/25
Reason: balance sword does 90% arpen oh dear god! lower arpen to 40% lower slow to 50%
increase cooldown for activating bonuses up to 8 secs


bonus: +2
total Lore PQWER: 138/150

you can do better than this !!


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Moby the White

Senior Member

12-07-2012

sometimes this shift sucks...I enjoy the fact that i get to stay up all night and make champions and review champions. But then i sleep for like 10 hours and everyone else is awake and they bury everything. I think the most frustrating aspect is awaiting a reply from someone. its also nervewracking to watch views go up but have 0 feedback being given. And cause of this I always try to give someone a reply even if i am about to leave at least letting them know that i will try and look at the champion later.

thanks for listening to me *****

~Moby


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Moby the White

Senior Member

12-07-2012

sleep now afk


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Moby the White

Senior Member

12-07-2012

Tanasair's Lore PQWER Review:

You can read more about Tanasair here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moby the White View Post
Lore PQWER Review

Lore: 23/25
Reason: Fluidity- i think you can improve the first sentence

P: 25/25
Reason: name fit the theme, clear and concise, proper spelling, balanced, established synergy

Q. 23/25
Reason: balance increases attack speed by 0.5% that is increasing your attack by half a percent :S seems kind of low for on kill effect

W. 25/25
Reason: escape mechanics such as Ez's even has an additional effect on it so i felt it was still balanced.

E.24/25
Reason: Clarity - was unsure about what you meant by throws the anomaly because it was the first time you refer to it as such. After analyzing it I was able to defer your meaning.

R. 22/25
Reason: Clarity very confusing and hard to follow I had to read it three times in order to understand it.


Bonus pts: +2

Lore PQWER: 144/150