Alarac, The Son of Death

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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-09-2012

your lore needs proofread for syntax and fluidity.
your abilities are missing cooldowns at rank 5
i like the introduction of a new system it is creative.

I feel that it would not be right to review your concept at this time due to missing information and the minor errors. You also gave him what looks like flat 20 armor pen which seems unbalanced. I've never known a champion to have such a stat. :S


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DarthDevor

Senior Member

12-11-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moby the White View Post
your lore needs proofread for syntax and fluidity.
your abilities are missing cooldowns at rank 5
i like the introduction of a new system it is creative.

I feel that it would not be right to review your concept at this time due to missing information and the minor errors. You also gave him what looks like flat 20 armor pen which seems unbalanced. I've never known a champion to have such a stat. :S
I will edit it. Thanks.


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-13-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarthDevor View Post
I will edit it. Thanks.
i take that back Rank 5 is missing entirely from mostly everything please double check this


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Moby the White

Senior Member

12-13-2012

lore has improved however there is still work to be done here. I can do an edit for you but idk when


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DarthDevor

Senior Member

02-13-2013

Bump


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DarthDevor

Senior Member

02-14-2013

Bump


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DarthDevor

Senior Member

03-10-2013

Bump


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Drake O Dagger

Senior Member

03-10-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarthDevor View Post
If You have Comments Or Suggestions Please Post. I can not improve otherwise.
Name: Alarac
Theme: The Son of Death
Species/Race: Unknown, Supposed to be Demi-god of the Lord of Death
Gender: Male
Appearance: Black Hair with Dark red Streaks. Black Eyes, Pale Skin, Looks like Human, appears to in mid twenties
Weapons: Cursed Short Sword
Attributes: AD, Tanky, Melee, Solo-Top, Bot, can be carry

Lore:

Not many things are known about his early life which dates back to before King Jarvan I of Demacia, and no one knows where he came from. The only few things that are known is that he was an orphan and had a sister named Ovalia who was two years older then Alarac, and took care of him. One of the only things other then this known in record was that he lived in Demacia. All information after this is according to legends about Alarac, and is known well to only a few.



When Alarac was thirteen, Noxus attacked a small village which he lived in that was under the influence of Demacia. The battle raged on for three days, and with each death he felt stronger. His sister was the opposite, she was afraid of war, and was pale. During the battle Ovalia was killed by one of the two sides, and no one knows which. After the battle Demacia had held on by a thread but was victorious, and Alarac was looking for a way to bring back his sister. He went to shrine of the his religion's lord of the dead, "Evanas" in the jungle, and was hit by a vision of death and destruction, and showed him on top of a blade with blade that had an evil aura to it.



After the vision a sword that he named "Devonic" was in front of him releasing a faint aura. When he touched the blade his eyes turned black, and he found himself raising skeleton warriors to fight for him. He had several visions, one telling him that he needed a worthy soul if he wanted to bring his sister back from the dead, and he killed many, and with each murder, he grew stronger, his blade released a stronger evil aura, but no souls were worthy of those he killed and when he tried to bring back his sister, he summoned an evil magic that he controls to this day. Each soul was not worthy and he killed many until he realized that seventy years had past. When he went back to Demacia and was arrested for his crimes, but rather then kill him, he was out into the League of Legends in fear that if they killed him, the evil would be released.
"I will find the worthy soul, and my sister will return." Alarac the Son of Death

All Numbers are Subject to Change
Base Stats-

HP:560(Plus 100 Heath Per Level/2130 At Level 18)
Heath Regain: 6 Per Seven Seconds(Plus 1.25 Per Level)
AD: 79(Plus 12 Per level)
AP: 0
Difficulty(Each [] Equals One box): [][][][][][][][][](High)
AS: 0.634(Not Much)
MS: 320
Range: 300
Armor: 40(Plus 5.25 per Level)
MR: 30

He would run off of a new system called darkness, which works similar to mana, but can only be regained per kill.
Darkness: 450(Plus 90 Per Level)
Darkness Regain per Kill(Includes Minions/Monsters): Champion:35(Plus 2.25 Per level) Minion: 5(Plus 1 Per Level)
Armor Pen.:0



Skills-

(Passive/Innate) Blessing from the Lord:
Every Champion and Minion/Monster Kill Restores health.
Levels Automatically at Level 6/11/16
Heath Regain for Champion: 100/125/150/175)
Heath Regain For Minion/Monster Kill: 20/23/26/29


Q- Dance of the Cursed Blade
Alarac uses his dark magic to inflict small amounts of damage(plus 0.25 per AD) and taunts an enemy.
Damage: 80/85/95/105(Plus 0.25 Per AD Non-base)
Taunt Duration(Seconds): 1/1.25/1.50/1.75/2
Darkness Cost: 30/60/80/90
CD: 20/17/16/10/9.7
Range-560

W- Dark Magic(Need Help with name)

Alarac uses his dark magic to inflict damage on an enemy in a cone. If any enemies are hit while this ability is on them Alarac gains a small amount of darkness.
Damage: 90/105/120/135(Plus .35 Per Bonus AD)
Darkness: 40/60/80/120
CD-25/20/15/12/11
Darkness Gained per 100 Damage is done- 10/15/20/25
Darkness Increase Duration(Seconds): 2.5/3/3.5/4
Range: 500

E- Devonic
Alarac uses his cursed blade attack an enemy, making them bleed and get small amount of true damage. Increases movement speed for short time. The First basic attack after this ability used is when the attack is used.
True Damage: 55/65/75/85(Plus .15 Per Bonus AD)
Bleed Time: 2/2.25/2.50/2.75
Range: 325
Movement Speed Increase: 10%/20%/30%/40%
CD: 30/20/15/13/10
Darkness: 80/100/120/160

R- Summon: Skeleton Warriors
Alarac uses his blade's magic to summon two skeleton warriors, that land in AoE area and deal damage within area as well as marking enemy targets.
Skeletons Can not be controlled, they attack marked targets first, then attack nearest enemies with lowest heath within an area of 1000, but prioritize champions below half health.. Skeletons do not die if Alarac Dies.
Range: 350
AoE: 340
Skeleton Stats:
HP: 450/475/500
AD: 75/100/125(Plus 0.35 AD per AD)
Armor: 30/35/40
MR: 20/30/40
Range: 300
MS-330
Skeletons Last For(Seconds)-15/20/33

Darkness-150/225/300
CD-60/65/70

Speech
Upon Selection-"They Dare Challenge me?"
Move 1-"I can already see their deaths."
Move 2-"I will obliterate them!"
Move 3-"Haha. They see my power."
Move 4-"They will be killed, and I will become stronger."
Attack 1-"Ah, I feel myself getting stronger,"
Attack 2-"You do not want to see my bad side."
Kill Minion-"Useless, puny, soldier. You give me nothing."
Kill Champion-"I can feel me strength returning."
Q-"Know fear!"
W-"Feel, a fraction of my power!"
E-"Taste my blade!"
R-"Yes, come and fight for me!"
Death-"No! I have failed you sister! Agh."
Joke- Sings "Ring Around the Rosy"
Taunt: "Come and face death, it will come to you anyway!"

Playing As Alarac
Use your burst wisely. Get an enemy you need to kill and taunt him and then he his at your mercy.

Use your skeletons to hit low health champions dureing team fights. If you get them out of the fight, you have an advatage.



Playing Against Alarac
Beware of his burst capability and tuants. he has a high sustain and can quickly dispatch enemies in 1v1s. Take him on with numbers and he will be at a disadvantage.

Becareful if you have low health not ot get caught in the AoE of his untimate. The skeletons with target you first.

EDITS
12/2/12-CDs on Q,W, and E lessened, an Starting HP increased.
12/3/12- re-worded several skills.
12/5/12 Reworded Several Skill. Buffed Skeleton movement speed. Changed name of Q- Credit to Breylin. Changed E to add MS for a short time. Health per minion kill debuffed. Added Difficulty Rating
12/6/12- Minor Edits to ultimate, lessened range of skeletons, and increased range of their ability to target enemy champions. Added Time for Skeleton Period on Ult.
12/10/12 Got rid of Armor pen Stat. Added level 5 CDs, and added taunt.
Okay, this is one of the more painful to read champion's I've reviewed, but I'm gonna do it anyway. First off, lets cover the stuff that's not part of my review system.

EVERY one of the non-ult skills is missing the Rank 5 info. You say you added rank 5 CDs, but there's a lot more than just CDs at rank 5 that are missing. That's the most glaring problem to start.

Next, if you're going to include stats in your champion, PLEASE do research on stats first.

HP:560(Plus 100 Heath Per Level/2130 At Level 18)
Heath Regain: 6 Per Seven Seconds(Plus 1.25 Per Level)
AD: 79(Plus 12 Per level)
AP: 0
Difficulty(Each [] Equals One box): [][][][][][][][][](High)
AS: 0.634(Not Much)
MS: 320
Range: 300
Armor: 40(Plus 5.25 per Level)
MR: 30

^ that's your champion's stats. Lets break this down.

HP: 340-495 for real champions prior to level 1 stats being added. Now, if your champion started with 460, with 100 at level 1 being added, then it's not really a problem. BUT, a character with 100 health/level wouldn't start that high, they tend to be closer to 400 than 500 (not always, but in general). Ignoring that problem though, you state the max is 2130 at level 18, but gain 100 per with a base of 560.... so how do you lose 130 (or 230 if you're not counting level 1 in that 560 up there) health? Ignoring that its still WAY high for a starting champion's stats.

HP Regen: I don't usually care about this stat, but I'm going to point out that the game NEVER measures by SEVEN seconds, always 5.

AD: .... Okay, I can almost forgive the 79 starting stat, even if it is a touch high. But seriously, no one has commented on the freaking TWELVE per level yet? Right now, this champion has 295 (or 283 if 79 is at level 1) AD WITHOUT ITEMS! It's hard to get that much WITH items. I'm guessing there was suppose to be a . in there somewhere, so it would be 1.2, which is a LOT better, and gets 100.6 right now. Personally, I'd drop the starting AD a bit and bring that up to 1.5, it should scale more over time.

AS: This stat scales with levels, its not some flat amount that stays the same always. That said, this amount is at least reasonable and in-line with real champions.

MS: Minimum MS is 325, max is 355. This should be bumped up to 325 at least.

Range: This is right in the middle of ranged and melee. Melee is 125-175 and Ranged is 425-650. So this range is really weird. Please decide if this champion is ranged or melee.

Armor: 40.... Yeah, this thing again -_- Okay, so armor tends to be around 15, ranging from as small as 6 to as high as low 20s. Armor per level is 2.7 to 4, mostly 3 to 3.5 though. You have 134.5 armor without items or skills right now. WAY too high.

Okay, now that I've covered all that, here's a link I use for all my stats to reference real champions.

1 - [4/40 marks] Original mechanics and elegance

Divided into:

[2/4 marks]: Passive. (Pretty basic. Not really bad or good. I kind of like this, though the numbers may be a bit questionable.)

[0/4 marks]: Skill 1. (Okay, ignoring the lack of a 5th rank, the damage is way too low to be of use, the scaling is confusing (I'm assuming you mean Bonus AD though), and the scaling is inconsistent. The skill is unimaginative and just doesn't feel impressive or well put together)

[0/4 marks]: Skill 2. (Again with the inconsistent numbers that jump around. Damage is far too low to be of use for anything. I can't even understand this skill. "Darkness Increase Duration" of what? It doesn't make any sense.)

[0/4 marks]: Skill 3. (As best I can tell, this is an on-hit effect that deals a True Damage DoT that seems to scale both from the flat damage AND a scaling bleed duration. But, the duration doesn't make any sense in that case, cause it would have to be every 1 second, or every 0.5 seconds, or it would be broken as hell. Even 0.5 would be broken. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you don't even know what bleeding means.)

[2/4 marks]: Ultimate. (Surprisingly, this is actually not too bad. It's a nice concept, and aside from numbers, I don't really have any major problems with it aside from the fact staying even if Alarac dies is broken.)

[0/20 marks]: Skillset/Playstyle. (I can't really give you any points for this. The playstyle of this champion is pretty much non-existent. It's a neat concept if you actually managed to get it to work, but it's not working here. The passive gave you a really neat start, but you kind of dropped the ball after that. Let's start with a big problem though. Remove the Darkness mechanic completely, it's pointless. All it does is make the champion more complicated and less interesting, adding NOTHING positive. If you want a similar mechanic, use Mana with poor base regen and add an effect to the passive to gain Mana on kills.)


2 - [0/10 marks] Role and versatility

Divided into:

[0/5 marks]: Does the hero fill its roll well?
[0/5 marks]: Is the hero adaptable?

3 - [6/12 marks] Synergy

Divided into:

[0/4 marks]: Skill synergy.
[2/4 marks]: Ally synergy.
[4/4 marks]: Item synergy.

4 - [12/18 marks] Balance

Divided into:

[0/6 marks]: Skill Balance.
[6/6 marks]: Item use Balance.
[6/6 marks]: Teamwork Balance.

5 - [7/10 marks] Theme

Divided into:

[0/3 marks]: Does the hero fit in the LoL world? (Technically, Death doesn't really fit, so his "son" doesn't really fit either.)
[5/5 marks]: Is the hero original and consistent?
[2/2 marks]: Is the heroes Lore (if applicable) creative? (I tried to read the lore, but I just couldn't get through it. I'm giving you full points for this just cause.)

6 - [0/10 marks] As A Whole (The judge can give a few extra points based on how much they like the champion as a whole, rather than judging on a specific aspect)

I'm sorry to say, I really didn't like this champion. I'll try to get around to reviewing your other champion when I have time.

Final Score: 29/100

You can resubmit the champion for a review after changing him, but you'll need to review another champion.


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DarthDevor

Senior Member

03-11-2013

Alright, thank for the review, and I do know what bleeding is. Where you got that it did damage every 0.5 seconds I do not know, as it does not even say that, but As he levels the bleeding duration increases not that is does damage every 0,5 game.

Any Suggestions on how to GREATLY improve my Champion?


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DarthDevor

Senior Member

03-11-2013

Bump, mass edits


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