(Astor's) League Judgment - Swain

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Candidate: Swain
Date: 4 October, 20 CLE


Swain looks up at the words that hang over the doorway, but he has left his reading glasses at home. Cursing his forgetfulness, he mouths some words to himself, trying to play the part of a wise, brooding tactician.

"Watermelon, watermelon, watermelon," he mumbles to himself, pulling his scarf over his mouth. The illusion is complete

Even with those faint words, Swain's voice cracks. His dried throat produces a raspy croaking noise, nearly impossible to decipher. He is clearly wearing his pajamas, with a gold plate hastily thrown over it to give the appearance of a regal figure. Though he is disguising the fact that he has not left his bathrobe, the monogrammed J.S. is clearly visible, resting over his heart. A bird rests on his shoulder. Though wild, it seems to enjoy his company.

“Come my sweet,” he whispers, "let's see what lies ahead."

The Raven pecks at his temple.

Swain looks at the door puzzled, knocking at it tentatively. There is no answer, so he goes to pull at the large handles. He struggles, yet the massive doors do not budge. Leaning on it to catch his breath, they push inwards to reveal a dark corridor. With a triumphant look on his face, Swain hobbles through the doorway..


The Raven he had known and loved all his life was locked back in a cage. A bead of sweat crawled down Swain's neck... he expected the League to pick out a dark memory, but to call upon this one was almost inhumane.

"Caw, caw!" cried the Raven, pleading for Swain to save him.

"Come on Swain, save your pet!" taunted his old childhood bully, Jeremy McMann. "Save your girlfriend!"

"You guys! Stop it! This isn't fair! Give her back!"

Swain tried to jump up and grab the cage from their hands, but they were too tall and Swain was a gimp. They shook and rattled the cage, with his bird, his lover, crying for help. No matter what he tried, he couldn't beat them. Then an idea struck... he would fight brute force with strategy. Spying their schoolteacher nearby, and remembering the rubber band, slice of ham, and fourteen paperclips in his pocket, his plan soon came to fruition.

Swain cried. Even if he knew it was all an illusion, he knew he had to defeat his bully for the League to take him seriously. He cried, and bawled, and wept as loud as he could. Just as it had in the past, the teacher noticed him and took the cage from the bully's hands.

"Shame on you, picking on a gimp like that! You know he doesn't have any friends!"

Swain smiled slyly to himself, knowing his cunning plan had succeeded. It was a risk, but even a master tactician has to play against the odds sometime.

Having freed his bird-wife, as he clutched the cage to his chest, the bird turned to him and said, "why do you wish to join the League, Swain?"

This was not at all startling as the Raven asked him this many times on their way to the Judgment.

"I told you, my sweet, to fight for man-bird rights! We should be able to love just as any man and woman or Yordle and Yeti does!"

"That's stupid," said the Raven in an entirely different, masculine voice, "but at least it's nothing moronic like wanting a hairbrush back. I guess you'll do."

Suddenly he was back in the Great Hall. He had passed his test. He jumped with glee, but in his leg's condition it snapped in half. Crying tears of joy and pain, he grabbed on to the Raven's leg as it tried to fly, slowly dragging the pitiful, broken figure out the doorway.

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Okay so clearly I enjoy parodying the Judgments. Unlike my Teemo one, I thought I would come out the gates like a bat out of Fenway Park beating people over the head with the fact that he is a nutty, old man. I had fun writing this one, though I did borrow from the original Observation too much, IMO.

That being said, Riot's Judgement was particularly good for Swain. I just think mine is better. Maybe mine can become canon? Just saying.

Edit: Also, as of 10/6/10 I have started a petition in GD to give Swain's bird form a particular dance. You can guess the one.

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idk i honestly like yours better because the official judgement left me going "SO WTF ACTUALLY HAPPENED?!" The only problem i have with yours is that he cries in pain when he breaks his leg at the end, which is totally not-canon (unlike the rest of it, which can maybe kinda if you squint really hard make total sense)

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