I am already 17 and my parents still do this... Is this a problem?

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Tyhan

Senior Member

10-06-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by poe tay toes View Post
if the kid wants to act like an adult, do what he wants and all, then the kid needs to get a job and start footing a share of the bills. otherwise, he's just being a whiny kid and deserves a boot the day he hits 18.
He specifically states that he has a job and does all of his chores. But not only is he forbidden from the computer, he's forbidden from spending his money.


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My Face Is OP

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Member

10-06-2012

Have they told you what they want you to do with your free time instead of being on a computer?


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Revanence

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Senior Member

10-06-2012

My parents put a password on the computer for like 7 years which forced me to learn and understand BIOS, keyloggers, and other unsavory things. After the 3rd or 4th broken password they stopped putting one on the computer. They used to tell me the computer was a tool for learning, not a toy.

They despise it when I bring it up in front of people. I do so every chance I get.

Lastly, don't let your parents tell you it was for your own good. Parents love to say that to get you to accept their decisions without any logical reasoning. Chances are you know the importance of your studies and that it comes first. You don't need a baby sitter to tell you these things nor should they bar access to something as awesome as a computer even for something like gaming. I'm sure many people would agree that they've met awesome people online through forums, gaming, etc.


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Powerstoned

Member

10-06-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by KonFewShuN View Post
Respect is earned, not given, i didn't read the OP so i don't know if he's earned it or not. If my kid(s) want extra privileges, they need to earn them. Teaching a kid that nothing they want comes easy is a really good way to instill responsibility and motivation.
I agree that respect is earned, but in this case it should be by the parents. Parents choose to have the kids, not the other way around. Kids are a blank slate, and if you want to teach them about respect, you lead by example, and that starts with giving respect, not demanding it.
Some parents are aholes, dont interact on a personal level with their kids, dont treat them as they would want to be treated, and yet feel they deserve the upmost respect because they feed/cloth/shelter their kids. -Again- parents chose to have kids, they produced something that is alive that requires food/clothes/shelter and are going to be a complex emotional being that requires tons of patience and nuturing. Kids dont choose to be alive, they don't need to beg or bargain with their parents to raise them correctly.


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Reconsul

Senior Member

10-06-2012

Tell them you will start smoking cigarettes if they don't calm down.


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KonFewShuN

Senior Member

10-06-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Powerstoned View Post
I agree that respect is earned, but in this case it should be by the parents. Parents choose to have the kids, not the other way around. Kids are a blank slate, and if you want to teach them about respect, you lead by example, and that starts with giving respect, not demanding it.
Some parents are aholes, dont interact on a personal level with their kids, dont treat them as they would want to be treated, and yet feel they deserve the upmost respect because they feed/cloth/shelter their kids. -Again- parents chose to have kids, they produced something that is alive that requires food/clothes/shelter and are going to be a complex emotional being that requires tons of patience and nuturing. Kids dont choose to be alive, they don't need to beg or bargain with their parents to raise them correctly.
Absolutely, then the problem becomes making sure you have a solid line between a friend and your child. Every child would rather have their parent act more like their friend.


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Yaomon

Senior Member

10-06-2012

Make a new user then set your own password.
You mad parents?


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ChaseTheWeak

Junior Member

10-07-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by KonFewShuN View Post
Absolutely, then the problem becomes making sure you have a solid line between a friend and your child. Every child would rather have their parent act more like their friend.
while its true that every child would rather have their parent act more like a friend, the reality is that children HAVE friends, what they really need are parents.

like it or not, parents have an obligation that goes well beyond "friend"; a good parent is always thinking about the life long success of their child. Friends tend to think in terms of hours, days, or "right now" hehe

anytime you think your parents are treating you unfairly try this:
take two sheets of paper
-on one right down EVERYTHING that was given to you; ever meal, every dollar, ever item; every ride, every act to get you in a good school/parttime job, etc.
-on the other right down EVERYTHING you have done for them

never fall into the trap of thinking that parents (which are people as well) have an obligation to give you everything you want. Also, their success in life is not your success; you need to make your own.

until you are on your own, and that includes at college unless you are paying your own way, I suspect almost all children will find they are getting wayyyy more than they realize, and certainly way more than they have given.

always remember, parents ARE responsible for you until you are an adult..not close..not almost...but actually are legally responsible for your own actions. So they are trying to help you. So many kids get into trouble later in life because they do something stupid online, create that insulting facebook page, like stupid pictures, etc.
These are all things that will not haunt you until 5+ years later and thats well outside the planning range of any teen.

want to be treated as an adult, start learning those lessons that show you really are ready.
learn to negotiate, learn to compromise, you will NOT always get your way in life, be "adult" about it.


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Kiddalee

Senior Member

10-07-2012

Your parents think they want the best for you, but their actions prove otherwise. They want you to be a child forever, and they want to control you. No matter how hard it is, it is better to move out. You may have to delay Uni for a few years, but an education is useless if you don't feel like a human being. You need to feel like a human being in order to have a will to live; you need to have a will to live in order to work hard for the things you want and be successful.


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Kiddalee

Senior Member

10-07-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChaseTheWeak View Post
while its true that every child would rather have their parent act more like a friend, the reality is that children HAVE friends, what they really need are parents.
Children need parents. OP is not a child. Parents also don't need to be codependent to be parents.