Traditional Karma Does Not Approve

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Eyowyn

Senior Member

04-21-2013

Hey guys! This is an entirely crack spin off of Permafrost Diplomacy that is being written as a collaboration between me and MasterPenguin3, with yours truly as Karma and the noble Penguin as Lux.

Karma is so OOC in this I am not even kidding.

Enjoy! There will be 5 chapters, not counting the introduction, over the next couple of weeks.



Introduction



Karma sat, head down, elbows resting on the bar, her hand resting limply by her drink, and glared at the dance floor.

“You know, Lux,” she muttered, twitching in irritation as a thick clump of her dark red hair fell into her eyes, “parties are terrible.”

“Parties are great!” her friend squeaked beside her. “Look at everyone having fun! You’re not upset about the maimings, are you? Olaf and Tryndamere are just good friends!”

“No,” Karma grunted.

“You’re not upset that Kennen stole your hair bands, are you?” Lux asked sweetly.

Karma glanced at the Yordle, who was bouncing so energetically that the three metal rings he wore around his neck were flying nearly off his head before clanging back down to his chest. Miss Fortune was clapping wildly and throwing change at him.

“No,” she grumbled, shifting slightly so her shoulders pressed over her ears to try and block out the whistling as Ahri started dancing around one of the pillars. It was not exactly effective.

“You’re not upset that Cho’gath tripped on your dress and knocked an entire tray of drinks on you, are you?”

Karma shuddered faintly at the sticky wetness that made her clothes feel like lead, pressing her into the barstool and clinging clammily to her skin. The teardrops under her eyes were so heavily smeared by sweat and beer she looked like she had two black eyes.

“Not even that,” Karma sighed.

“You know,” Lux said reasonably, twirling a little plastic umbrella around on her finger, “it’s kind of your fault that he tripped on you. You really decided that wearing a collar-to-toe dress to Gragas’ Free Beer night was a good idea?”

“My fault!” the Enlightened One shrieked, slamming down her drink and paying little attention the shattering glass. A glove of will sputtered faintly around her hand, flinging the shards in all directions. “My fault that I’m the only woman in the League who isn’t an unapologetic ****!? Look at them, Lux! Ahri’s practically naked! Janna’s taking tips! Lee Sin is blind and he still can’t keep from staring at Caitlyn’s ass!”

“Well…” Lux said, chugging her beer. “Kayle’s not so bad, I guess.”

One eye twitching, Karma jerked upright and pointed at the stern angel, watching the frenzied crowd of champions with her hand on the hilt of her sword.

“You know she’s just hiding it under all that armor!” she howled. “I bet she takes Xin Zhao back to her room to compare spear lengths!”

“Kayle has a sword,” Lux said firmly.

“Sword, spear,” Karma wailed in despair, “they’re both unnecessarily huge!”

“Oh give us a break, little Duchess,” LeBlanc sneered, flickering out of invisibility to wrap her arm around Swain, who was ordering another drink. “You’re just jealous that you’re such a frigid ***** that you couldn’t get a man to look at you even without that ugly rag you’re wearing.”

Swain brought his hand up to hide his chuckle, but his raven, Beatrice, had no such compassion and cawed hysterically. Darius and Draven, within earshot, lost it and fell over each other laughing.

“Draven agrees!” the younger of the two brothers cackled.

“How dare you!” the Enlightened One shrieked, and everyone in the general vicinity ran in the direction of Sivir’s glaive whirling into a spellshield as Karma hurled green fire at the Deicever.

“BAR FIGHT!” Olaf roared joyfully, slamming his shoulder back into its socket and throwing his axe into the nearest table.

“Oh dear,” Karma murmured dizzily as the tiles splintered and LeBlanc hastily blinked away from the landing point of her poorly aimed flare.

Lux put her face in her hands as the flare simmered against the counter for a moment, blinked ominously…and exploded.

“BEST PARTY EVER!” Tryndamere cheered.

“More beer, Gragas,” Karma said blearily, slumping back down against the bar.

“You know alcohol poisoning won’t solve your problems,” Lux chided her.

“Never know until you try,” the Duchess grunted, and passed out.



Twelve hours later, on a balcony that would have been sunny if Lux, esteemed Lady of Illumination, hadn’t told the sun to go **** off and aggravate some Noxian’s hangover…

“This is much better,” Karma said, sipping at her tea in the comfortable shade. Lux poured herself some silently and bit her lip. How was she going to tell her?

“Karma...” she ventured.

“I’ve had the most terrible headache all day,” Karma said, smiling widely as a little of the pressure in her skull eased. “It’s so good to just be able to have tea and relax. By the way, Lux, what happened to the sun?”

“It was busy,” Lux grunted, subtly adding a little more of her hangover cure to the teapot.

“Ah, you would know best,” Karma acknowledged, inclining her head respectfully. Lux leaned back in her chair and shifted uncomfortably.

“Karma…” she tried again.

“I’ve been thinking,” the Duchess continued, folding her hands and gesturing at her surroundings. “It’s just outrageous that so many women at the League dress so provocatively! Do they have no respect for themselves?”

“Uh,” Lux stammered.

“I’m not sure where the idea came from,” Karma confided, “but now it horrifies me! Do you know how few female champions actually cover their midriffs? Much less keep their breasts concealed from a casual glance? “

“Karma…” Lux said uneasily.

“No, this cannot stand!” she continued hotly. “I won’t let these harlots continue to disgrace women everywhere! I will make a complaint to the Tribunal!”

“Well, the vast majority of them are from Ionia,” Lux muttered, giving in.

“What?!” Karma gasped, her hand flying to cover her mouth. “No, Lux, you don’t mean that!”

“Well,” Lux said, picking up her baton and summoning Ahri’s image with a flick of her wrist. “Let’s start with her…”


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Ark Angel HFB

Senior Member

04-21-2013

if you played it just a bit more deadpan, this could have been the start of a funny after hours series.


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Eyowyn

Senior Member

04-22-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ark Angel HFB View Post
if you played it just a bit more deadpan, this could have been the start of a funny after hours series.
This is not really my best style of writing. It's more whatever springs to mind while I'm giggling over Skype with mah buddy.

Hopefully it's a little amusing for you guys and a fun writing exercise for us.


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saladeo

Senior Member

04-26-2013

Continue, this is entertaining (imho)


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Eyowyn

Senior Member

04-26-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by saladeo View Post
Continue, this is entertaining (imho)

This is like a SIDE SIDE SIDE project for me. Like, both me and Penguin are busy with exams and I have a Creative Writing class that I have to churn out original fiction for, so I'm desperately trying to study, update Permafrost Diplomacy once every week or so, and write and edit my book. Plus there's poor A Light in the Desert, which has been shoved on to hiatus.

I swear on my writing honor that I remember this story and Penguin and I would be working on it tonight except we're both having extreme prom stress (and we're going together! )


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AerithRayne

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Senior Member

04-26-2013

Somehow, my comment never got posted. It was something akin to "LOLwut? I'm curious. Please proceed."


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Eyowyn

Senior Member

04-26-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by AerithRayne View Post
Somehow, my comment never got posted. It was something akin to "LOLwut? I'm curious. Please proceed."

My mission:

TO SINGLEHANDEDLY POPULATE THE SECTION OF KARMA FICS WHATEVER IT TAKES!


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AerithRayne

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Senior Member

04-26-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eyowyn View Post
My mission:

TO SINGLEHANDEDLY POPULATE THE SECTION OF KARMA FICS WHATEVER IT TAKES!
My mission:

Populate the world with love for supports like they truly deserve.


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Eyowyn

Senior Member

04-26-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by AerithRayne View Post
My mission:

Populate the world with love for supports like they truly deserve.

Karma's also a support xD


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AerithRayne

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Senior Member

04-26-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eyowyn View Post
Karma's also a support xD
I know. And you are helping me with this mission. My thanks.