To the Edge of Light's Reach (Lux/Katarina)

Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

AerithRayne

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

08-18-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by AhLoso View Post
>.>

<.<

You win this one.
*bows* Thank you, my friend. I eagerly await your next attempt.


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Cerubois

Senior Member

08-20-2012

Finally caught up on this one. I'm liking it.

I'm finding that the League matches are a bit too... game-ish. What I mean is, the slang and mechanics we use/talk about in-game are a bit disruptive to getting into the flow of the story.

But that's my opinion, as a romantic. I wish it were easier to write things like Lux throwing her baton for a shield, however the intricacies of that work, or 'getting gold for kills', which is just not an appealing point to bring up. I myself have been struggling to come up with ways to make the matches sound good and flow well, without the constant "An ally has been slain!" interruptions (because as we all know, they're are a lot of those announcements in a normal game >.>).

But aside from that, this is quite nice, and I'm curious to see how it goes.


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

AerithRayne

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

08-20-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cerubois View Post
I'm finding that the League matches are a bit too... game-ish. What I mean is, the slang and mechanics we use/talk about in-game are a bit disruptive to getting into the flow of the story.

I wish it were easier to write things like Lux throwing her baton for a shield, however the intricacies of that work, or 'getting gold for kills', which is just not an appealing point to bring up. I myself have been struggling to come up with ways to make the matches sound good and flow well, without the constant "An ally has been slain!" interruptions (because as we all know, they're are a lot of those announcements in a normal game >.>).
I felt the awkwardness of the interruptions, but there had to be a way for Lux/the reader to know with certainty "Oh, well, ****. They just died." Or maybe "THEY DID IT!" And I kinda took a little liberty with the writing and made it so that it was the summoner, not some great voice in the sky, that told the reader. But even then, blah...

The interruptions aside, any specific spots you felt were at their worst? I would like to hear more of your thoughts.

Also, glad you're enjoying. I hope I don't let you guys down.


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

AerithRayne

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

08-20-2012

*horrified face* Oh goodness. I never wrote today's chapter! Just multiple other chapters for later. *facepalm*

Edit: I have a lot of stuff to do with regards to classes starting Wednesday, so the chapter will probably be post late afternoon/evening time. I don't know how long this will take. My apologies, friends.


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

AerithRayne

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

08-22-2012

Chapter 7 is being processed. I apologize for skipping Monday. There's a note for my readers at the top of the chapter. The university threw me a couple of curve balls and I had to fix some of their ****. If you want to blame your missing chapter on someone, I'd be happy with passing it onto their shoulders :P

That aside, enjoy the odd installment. Give me your usual criticism and eagle-eye "Uh, WTF is this supposed to say for real?" statements. They make me laugh.


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

TastyBeeBurgers

Senior Member

08-22-2012

I admit I'm not usually a fan of X or slash stories, but this one's grabbed my attention. The build up between Lux and Kat is subtle and very patiently done. It gives your story a lot of suspense. Personally, I like your story as is, and I wouldn't suggestion changing it to fit the new lore. (That reminds me how much of a change are we talking about, lore-wise?)

Your writing is very nice, smooth sentences, and nice flow. You might try mixing up your sentence structure a bit more. You have quite a few sentences that don't follow the Subject-->Predicate--> Direct-Object forumla, but the more the merrier IMO. That being said, it's a minor issue that comes naturally with practice.

One more time: Well done. This is a well written story, and I look forward to what comes next.


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

AerithRayne

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

08-22-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by TastyBeeBurgers View Post
I admit I'm not usually a fan of X or slash stories, but this one's grabbed my attention. The build up between Lux and Kat is subtle and very patiently done. It gives your story a lot of suspense. Personally, I like your story as is, and I wouldn't suggestion changing it to fit the new lore. (That reminds me how much of a change are we talking about, lore-wise?)

Your writing is very nice, smooth sentences, and nice flow. You might try mixing up your sentence structure a bit more. You have quite a few sentences that don't follow the Subject-->Predicate--> Direct-Object forumla, but the more the merrier IMO. That being said, it's a minor issue that comes naturally with practice.

One more time: Well done. This is a well written story, and I look forward to what comes next.
Wow. Another name I've noticed on the threads!

I'm glad you chose to read this story regardless of your usual taste in genres. I can assure you that whatever relationship grows between them will not be geared only towards romance (still in the air if any of that will be in here). There is a distinct plot to this story, not "OMG, I like this person! Lemme flirt! *flirt* *kiss* I WIN! *end*" XD

I'm glad you agree that changing to the new lore would be ill-advised. If you're wondering about what Riot has done with her, here's a link
http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/....php?t=2461652

As for the writing, I actually feel incredibly limited with my speech because of how I am choosing to portray Lux. I'm sorry that it has been noticed, but I am glad that it's not too overbearing to read. I will see if I can work on it a bit more while keeping to "her style" in coming chapters. Thanks for the tip!

Thank you so much for leaving me a message. It made me happy to see your name. I hope I don't let you guys down with the coming installments


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Loso

Senior Member

08-22-2012

"It strengths you just as much as me..."

Strengths should be 'strengthens' or 'benefits'

Other than that, this was an excellent chapter. Also, your use of ellipses is refreshing. I rarely see others (outside of this forum) that know how to use them so well.

When I read this sentence "You... think we're... friends?" I smiled. That sentence was perfect.


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

AerithRayne

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

08-22-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by AhLoso View Post
"It strengths you just as much as me..."

Strengths should be 'strengthens' or 'benefits'

Other than that, this was an excellent chapter. Also, your use of ellipses is refreshing. I rarely see others (outside of this forum) that know how to use them so well.

When I read this sentence "You... think we're... friends?" I smiled. That sentence was perfect.
****it, that was supposed to say strengthens. Microsoft Word betrays me so often, and yet I keep crawling back... Thanks for being a better friend XD

Also, I'm glad you enjoy my use of ellipses. I could never get the hang of dashes very well unless the words were stuttered. It felt too unnatural and harsh when reading. Takes too much away from what (and how) the character's trying to spit out something. Thanks for liking my style!


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

AerithRayne

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

08-23-2012

I can't wait until tomorrow morning to post this chapter. I've been working on it for weeks (instead of the chapters for the week XD). God I hope it's as good in everyone else's head as it is in mine. Assuming I don't add to it even more, it's the longest chapter yet.

Is it bad that I'm excited to share?