To the Edge of Light's Reach (Lux/Katarina)

Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

YYEEAARRGGHH

Junior Member

09-04-2012

Dat Chapter?
The entire thing made me feel so bad for katarina, wasn't even funny.
It also made me feel bad for those people i hesitated to help support when they were getting ganked, then they die horrible deaths.
Whole cliffhanger was like walking in slow motion from Nunu ultimate and having to wait 3 days to see if you escape the explosion alive. And you escape the Nunu, only to have Chapter 11 pop around the corner like a Yi with ultimate up. And you're not sure if you'll make it through the pain, until 3 days later. Arrr.....

*spoilers*

While I saw what you were going with the whole "Voices nagging me", it might be a bit more clear to label it as her "consciousness" or "Guilt", really make it obvious that she's being split apart inside by her family, her duty as a spy, and her (desires?/"friendship"), which you could obviously see when she breaks down end of chapter 10, beginning of 11. The extra little smack on the readers head to really get the point through that her feelings are being torn asunder by her "mission", and that she's really struggling to do this. Beating a dead horse works on this occasion, since its the central plot to your story (so far as I can see.)
PS. Take my literature advice with a pound of salt. Engineer Major, Terrible at Literature, but it might provide a useful opinion (more obvious emotion tearing to make us all even sadder than we read it the first time.)
PSS. Please make it a happy end. Beating the dead horse for all its tears and a few more would make me actually cry.


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

AerithRayne

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

09-05-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by YYEEAARRGGHH View Post
Dat Chapter?
The entire thing made me feel so bad for katarina, wasn't even funny.
It also made me feel bad for those people i hesitated to help support when they were getting ganked, then they die horrible deaths.
Whole cliffhanger was like walking in slow motion from Nunu ultimate and having to wait 3 days to see if you escape the explosion alive. And you escape the Nunu, only to have Chapter 11 pop around the corner like a Yi with ultimate up. And you're not sure if you'll make it through the pain, until 3 days later. Arrr.....

*spoilers*

While I saw what you were going with the whole "Voices nagging me", it might be a bit more clear to label it as her "consciousness" or "Guilt", really make it obvious that she's being split apart inside by her family, her duty as a spy, and her (desires?/"friendship"), which you could obviously see when she breaks down end of chapter 10, beginning of 11. The extra little smack on the readers head to really get the point through that her feelings are being torn asunder by her "mission", and that she's really struggling to do this. Beating a dead horse works on this occasion, since its the central plot to your story (so far as I can see.)
PS. Take my literature advice with a pound of salt. Engineer Major, Terrible at Literature, but it might provide a useful opinion (more obvious emotion tearing to make us all even sadder than we read it the first time.)
PSS. Please make it a happy end. Beating the dead horse for all its tears and a few more would make me actually cry.
I don't want you to be great at Literature. I want someone to tell me how it is, and I thank you and Eredaar for those honest replies. When I finish out the story and have time, I'm going back to tweak a few things with the story, and this will probably be one of them. Nothing major, just better word choices and the like. The plot will remain the same, no worries, lol.

I will try not to beat a dead horse (because that's inhumane!) for the ending, but they're not going to magically have everything solved for them and run away to be together. I already gave that disclaimer at the beginning. My apologies, but with how things are going now, it would be close to impossible to have a realistic way of obtaining that ending. I don't think you'll cry all yours tears and a few more, but the ending may make you reflect, and that may make you cry, if that makes sense.
/end possible spoilers XD


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Loso

Senior Member

09-06-2012

Bump


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

AerithRayne

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

09-07-2012

Working on the next chapter, I promise. The textbooks for my classes finally came in (got them cheaper online but forgot about Labor Day weekend shenanigans), and I have to hurry to catch up with the required readings before the first exam. I'm hoping to finish late tonight and post in the morning, but please don't hold me to it.
Thank you for your continued patience and your reviews. You help more than you know. Have a great day and weekend, friends!


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

DeathUntold

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

09-09-2012

No, thank you for the awesome story


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

AerithRayne

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

09-10-2012

So this weekend was spent playing a video game for three straight days. I forgot what a social life was like... My apologies for the lack of chapters recently, but they're coming soon, I assure you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DeathUntold View Post
No, thank you for the awesome story
Thank you, friend :3


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Loso

Senior Member

09-10-2012

Its not a problem. You can't always be writing. You have to take time an enjoy yourself. Soooo... you do that and we'll wait.


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

AerithRayne

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

09-11-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by AhLoso View Post
Its not a problem. You can't always be writing. You have to take time an enjoy yourself. Soooo... you do that and we'll wait.
Wait no longer, friend. Chapter up!


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Loso

Senior Member

09-11-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by aerithrayne View Post
wait no longer, friend. Chapter up!
Yay!


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Loso

Senior Member

09-11-2012

"Or maybe thisisn't"

Need a space.

Also this: " she repliedt."

Need to remove the 't'