Swarm of the Void- Art included

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Cryoshell17

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01-08-2013

Bump.


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BergMeister

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Senior Member

01-09-2013

bumping.


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Nysta

Senior Member

01-13-2013

Review: Omen, Qualm, and Gevaar- The Swarm of the Void


MurdokX has earned a spot up here ... I think I'll skip that part.

Introduction Seem's cool.
I like the "I made a champion based upon one of the champion Riot dumped."-part most.


15 abilities.. ugh, I'd much rather play him and get what they do by that than read them, made some bad experiences with such Concepts. Takes a while till one gets what the creator means, hope this is different with yours!
"would indeed fit well into the League" - I wish they would occasionally do such stuff, I prefer it a little bit harder than as it is, and they are going on making it easier and easier.. I really hate them for that!


Base Stats:
Health: 480 +90 per level.
Health Regen: 7.5 + .75 per level.
Attack Damage: 53 + 3.8 per level.
Attack Speed: 0.600 (+ 1.5% per level).
Armor: 12 + 3 per level.
Magic Resist: 30 + 1.25 per level.
Movement Speed: 320
Basic Attack range: 175

Uhm.. That's lvl 1 to 18 right? Not lvl 0 to 18 as the original LoL pages suggest. You might want to update the movement speed part (Ranges: 325-355). Also, the attack speed is very very low (below LoL's usual ranges).

Abilities: Finally!

Costs and Cooldowns: Straight to the first question: You say all of the abilities have a 7 second cooldown once the combo is finished. Don't you think that that's a bit weird? I myself prefer having a little bit more of a flow into it, but I guess it's okay if this is an assassin. Otherwise I'd prefer having the first part used to go on cooldown for like 14 seconds, and the second part of the second ability used and so on.. that might be a little bit more weird but it would allow him to more constantly cast his combos. Sure, there should be a base cooldown, too. Not all that bad though, this is just my thoughts on it. It would also force you to use different combinations of abilities. Even more if you make the cooldowns be different.

Passive: Insatiable Hunger : Will be needed to sustain that damage that his own attacks inflict on him. It has a lot of effects though. Are you sure you want to reward a player for failing a combo? It isn't even much.

Note: I misunderstood the abilities. The 3rd part can only be the remaining key (key that was not yet pressed). This will be making it a total of 6 combos rather than the 12 I listed. I don't have the energy to sort that out right now, and I don't think it will matter much anyways.

Q: Omen of Agony - Combos Now, that's getting more interesting.
Now you might think of this as odd, but I'll skip the further effects it has, and add what the other abilities do after the usage of this ability. I assume the third cast belongs to the second cast though. Hope that is right.

Quote:
1st(Q): Strong poke if maxed, good initiator for dealing damage (2.5% increased damage).
The increase of damage on this ability is much too low. You could just leave it away and buff the other abilities damage and have a similar effect
Quote:
2nd(W): Provides vision, deals damage over time and increases the debuff to 5%.
Quote:
3rd(E): Bad Breath (Range 500): Gevaar breathes on the target dealing 50/100/150/200/250 (+.5 AD) magic damage and silencing them for 2 seconds.
v
3rd(Q): Skull bash: (Range 200) On next basic attack Omen slams the target's skull dealing 175% additional AD physical damage, stunning them for 0.5/0.75/1/1.5/2 seconds.
2nd(E): Gevaar opens a void portal in front of them teleporting them 375 units ahead of them. Allies who walk over the void residue will have their speed increased by 15% for 3 seconds. Residue lasts 3 seconds.
Quote:
3rd(Q): Cleave: (Range 200) Omen slashes at enemies in front of him causing them to lose 2/4/6/8/10 (+0.01 AP)% of their total health as magic damage.
v
3rd(W): Discharge: (Range 650) Qualm spits a ball of void energy that bounces between targets dealing 100/150/200/250/300 (+0.5 AD)(+0.5 AP) magic damage, if it kills a target the target explodes dealing even more magic damage.
Q - Combo summary:
-Poke(damage increase; ranged), vision(melee), stun(melee)
-Poke(damage increase; ranged), vision(melee), silence(range)
-Poke(damage increase; ranged), teleport-speed-up, AOE %total health(melee)
-Poke(damage increase; ranged), teleport-speed-up, AOE (ranged)

None of these seem really viable. The % total health is too low early on and probably still pretty useless late-game. 10% every 7-17 seconds if you get to finish your combo..
Poke and teleport makes sense, the other thing is rather defensive, seeing he can't gapclose and the initiate of this ability is ranged. It is pretty weird.
His other abilities might change that (mainly his ult.. as it is possible to cast it separately).
But I'll go to sleep for now. It's late here! Probably finishing this by tomorrow.


-edit-

W: Sentiment of Fear - Combos
Quote:
1st(W): Qualm hisses cursing the target dealing 50/75/100/125/150 (+.25 AP)(+.50 AD) magic damage to the target in addition reduces the effect of crowd control reduction and tenacity by 25% of its value for 10 seconds. (500 Range)
Quote:
2nd(Q): Crippling Bite: On the next basic attack Omen bites the target dealing 50/75/100/125/150(+0.65 AD) physical damage, and slows them for 25%
Quote:
3rd(W): Isolation: On next basic attack Qualm taps the very root of the the targets sanity dealing 100/150/200/250/300 (+.5 AD) physical damage and causing their thoughts to sap their very life force causing 50/75/100/125/150 (+1 AD) magic damage over the next 10 seconds.
v
3rd(E): Infection-- (Poison range 550) On next basic attack Gevaar bites an enemy champion or monster (baron/blue buff/red buff/dragon) poisoning them dealing 50/75/100/125/150+(.75 AD) magic damage over time, if another champion target stays too long near the original carrier the poison spreads to them as well targets who were previously poisoned cannot be poisoned again. It will spread only to one target at a time based upon who is closest if multiple targets are in its range.
Quote:
2nd(E): Bad Breath (Range 500): Gevaar breathes on the target dealing 50/100/150/200/250 (+.5 AD) magic damage and silencing them for 2 seconds.
Quote:
3rd(Q): Cleave: (Range 200) Omen slashes at enemies in front of him causing them to lose 2/4/6/8/10 (+0.01 AP)% of their total health as magic damage.
v
3rd(W): Discharge: (Range 650) Qualm spits a ball of void energy that bounces between targets dealing 100/150/200/250/300 (+0.5 AD)(+0.5 AP) magic damage, if it kills a target the target explodes dealing even more magic damage.
W - Combo summary:
-Poke(tenacity-reduction; ranged), slow(melee), dot(melee)
-Poke(tenacity-reduction; ranged), slow(melee), dot(spreads; ranged)
-Poke(tenacity-reduction; ranged), silence(ranged), AOE %total health(melee)
-Poke(tenacity-reduction; ranged), silence(ranged), AOE (ranged)



E: Agateophobia - Combos
Quote:
Gevaar hisses cursing the target dealing 75/125/175/225/275 +(.5 AP) magic damage. In addition this reduces the targets magic resist by 15%. (Range 500)
Quote:
2nd(Q): Energizing Roar: (Range 200) Omen roars increasing the swarms movement speed and attack speed by 10/15/20/25/30% for 7 seconds.
Quote:
3rd(W): Isolation: On next basic attack Qualm taps the very root of the the targets sanity dealing 100/150/200/250/300 (+.5 AD) physical damage and causing their thoughts to sap their very life force causing 50/75/100/125/150 (+1 AD) magic damage over the next 10 seconds.
v
3rd(E): Infection-- (Poison range 550) On next basic attack Gevaar bites an enemy champion or monster (baron/blue buff/red buff/dragon) poisoning them dealing 50/75/100/125/150+(.75 AD) magic damage over time, if another champion target stays too long near the original carrier the poison spreads to them as well targets who were previously poisoned cannot be poisoned again. It will spread only to one target at a time based upon who is closest if multiple targets are in its range.
Quote:
2nd(W): Icathian Gaze: (Range 300) Qualm stares into the targets eyes burning their soul dealing 50/75/100/150/200 (+ 0.5 AD) magic damage and further decreasing their magic resist.
Quote:
3rd(E): Bad Breath (Range 500): Gevaar breathes on the target dealing 50/100/150/200/250 (+.5 AD) magic damage and silencing them for 2 seconds.]
v
3rd(Q): Skull bash: (Range 200) On next basic attack Omen slams the target's skull dealing 175% additional AD physical damage, stunning them for 0.5/0.75/1/1.5/2 seconds.
E - Combo summary:
-Poke(mr-reduction, range), buff(movement/attack-speed, self), dot(melee)
-Poke(mr-reduction, range), buff(movement/attack-speed, self), dot(spreads; ranged)
-Poke(mr-reduction, range), Poke(mr-reduction, close range), silence(range)
-Poke(mr-reduction, range), Poke(mr-reduction, close range), stun(melee)

All Combos:
-Poke(damage increase; ranged), vision(melee), stun(melee)
For chasing, used when in melee range. The damage increase is pretty low though.
-Poke(damage increase; ranged), vision(melee), silence(range)
Probably when chasing someone and silencing someone else. Or just silencing the target because it was too fast.
-Poke(damage increase; ranged), teleport-speed-up, AOE %total health(melee)
That teleport-speedup is interesting. It teleports you and speeds allies up, does that include speeding yourself up or not? The AOE % Health seems a bit useless, mainly at early ranks. At least adjust its scaling to 6/7/8/9/10(+0.02Ap) or so, I'd recommend more.
-Poke(damage increase; ranged), teleport-speed-up, AOE (ranged)
This AOE seems a bit more viable, mainly because it doesn't require the target to be high health to have any effect.
-Poke(tenacity-reduction; ranged), slow(melee), dot(melee)
So you first make them be more vulnerable to stuns, then you get a better slow from that effect. Lastly you apply a single target dot that deals pretty nice damage.
-Poke(tenacity-reduction; ranged), slow(melee), dot(spreads; ranged)
Same here, just that the dot spreads. How fast does is spread? Also, don't you think it should better be some kind of illness? Never heard of poison spreading itself.
-Poke(tenacity-reduction; ranged), silence(ranged), AOE %total health(melee)
Makes the target more vulnerable to cc again, then silences.
-Poke(tenacity-reduction; ranged), silence(ranged), AOE (ranged)
Same.
-Poke(mr-reduction, range), buff(movement/attack-speed, self), dot(melee)
You didn't state any duration on the mr-reduction. Movement and attack-speed buff seem fine even though they seem to be a little low.
-Poke(mr-reduction, range), buff(movement/attack-speed, self), dot(spreads; ranged)
Same.
-Poke(mr-reduction, range), Poke(mr-reduction, close range), silence(range)
You did neither state by how much more the mr is reduced, nor its duration.
-Poke(mr-reduction, range), Poke(mr-reduction, close range), stun(melee)
Same.

All in all I don't see a lot of good possibilities to chain those abilities. There is twelve possibilities and still none of them have really good synergy, even though I can't deny that there is some synergy in it.


R: Dark Swarm: (No cost)(150 / 130 / 110 second cooldown)(AOE radius: 400)
This is the cast range I assume.. or the range those thingies can walk away from your own position..?
Passive: Every successive attack increases the swarms attack damage by 5 stacking up to 3 times for 5 seconds (max 10 seconds).
So you passively gain 5 ad per attack and they don't scale with the rank of the ult. Doesn't sound too good to be honest. Might want to buff it a little. Further question: Max 10 seconds? How? Does that mean after 10 seconds after receiving the first stack you will lose all stacks and have to build new stacks? Why is that so?

Active:The Swarm channels for 2 seconds and then summons 1/2/3 voidbeasts to join their ranks that have 0.25 AD total AD and 100% of the Swarm's attack speed. the voidbeasts will last 15 seconds. In addition the Swarm surrounds itself with void energy burning nearby enemies for 100/150/200 + (.25 AD) damage per second for 5 seconds. The additional void beasts are invulnerable but will not travel farther than a 200 radius from the Swarm of the Void, the additional void beasts will attack what the Swarm of the Void is currently attacking. They are uncontrollable otherwise.
Basically you gain a beast that will help you damage your foes based upon how strong you are. Okay, they have a 200 radius to walk in. I'll assume the AOE radius mentioned earlier is the burning damage. It seems to be rather high. Will it refresh or will a target only be able to burn once? This should be sufficiently strong though, you deal 500 damage (+1.25) over the course of 5 seconds at rank one, 1000 at max rank. I'd suggest nerfing it. It sounds like much too much. Even the mere existence of the voidbeasts will make you deal 1.75 with auto-attacks (effectively.. not counting crit in but w/e).

Okay, reading your 'understanding the swarm of the void' I see that there is merely 6 combinations in it and I listed 6 possibilities that don't even exist. I would mention this slightly earlier. You allow to activate every ability once in one round. Not more not less. I feel too lazy to delete my misunderstood stuff though. It won't matter much anyways, you should get the point. Also, you might want to consider changing it so that you can activate it the way I posted it, it just seems to be limiting him otherwise.

Lore:
"Of the many things it takes in, many are animals who..." I think I'd reformulate this to "May of the things it takes in are animals who.." or "Of the many things it takes in, most/lots are animals". I might be dead wrong here, english is not my first language, but to me it doesn't sound well the way it is.
"These creatures have began to..." I think it's "have begun" or merely "began". I'd just say "These creatures became known.."
"...Valoran, they are the most..." switch of time.
I'll stop that here..

His lore and Reflection make Qualm, obviously the head of the three, seem very powerful. I doubt he could beat those summoners, seeing there is many summoners, and not just one controlling him. But putting that aside, he decided to fight for the summoners rather than to die. He asked them why they wouldn't just kill him, so he must have kept his will to live on. Seems Omen is the main guy though?

Quotes: It's funnily, not funny. Whatever, good job at those!
Note: WTF.. that dance..? Do you even call that dance?
You have to turn one of his first three abilities into an AOE or just change how he works on lvl 1.. else he is not going to be able to jungle.. at least not jungle well. (Also: buff his attack-speed!) Alternatively.. well you know you would have a 12 second cd on the single ability you would use for jungling.. that sucks. I'd rework his cooldowns in some way (as mentioned).

I use gimp, too! Not frequnetly though. I don't like my drawings most of the time, at least when noone likes them. And, really, I don't think I'm bad at it, I don't even draw much, but getting no positive feedback is really demotivating. I hope you got more endurance than me

Okay, that's it for now! I'd appreciate if you gave me feedback on my feedback

-edit-

You do even plan to write a series of books? What are you going to write? How far have you come thus far?


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BergMeister

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Senior Member

01-15-2013

Theres still so much for me to read here, and a lot for me to figure out, I am taking this piece by piece as I'm still very very busy with my art. I've been pumping out pieces for practice as well as commissions and contests. Phew I'm tired. Anyway, I need to rework the Swarm from bottom up this I know, I like reviews for the possible idea of how to work with what I have. The Swarm was my first champion, and a lot of this was created based upon the Season 2 meta, where they would have still been viable in jungle, pre-Riot ****ing it up. Numbers are my bane, but right now, I'm not happy with the skill set at all. The synergy is bad. I agree. Far as the lore goes, aha.....my English skills.....lol, they're pathetic. Anyway, Omen was the creation of Riot, however, I got into the character of Qualm so much more and felt that in his primal creation, Omen was always just a bloodthirsty beast, by creation Qualm thought about things more, he had more of a sentimental side. He wasn't completely dead if you will. And as far as his power. We really don't know the full extent of the power of some of the things that come out of the void do we. Theres a reason why Kassadin is screaming bloody mary about the power of the void and how we need to do something. And the Swarm does not pull their power directly from themselves but rather from the void itself, or as much as they can. The dance was put in there temporarily until I could find something better haha. I forgot to modify that. And welcome to the art world, feedback is damn near impossible to get. The current generation has been flooded with so many images that seeing an image doesnt impress anymore. Its just more junk on the internet. Your review was completed. Also, no I don't plan to write a book. I plan to create my own video game. How far am I? mmm. I'd say I have about 50% of the story line complete. All the major stuff is thought out, but the gaps need to be sewn together.


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zergthefiregod

Junior Member

01-31-2013

want champion


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BergMeister

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Senior Member

02-03-2013

haha thank you. I'd be thrilled to have them too.


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BergMeister

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Senior Member

02-06-2013

The Heart of Darkness is upon us! Should you transcend mortality with the Swarm, or should you damn yourself to the inevitable death that Achion should bring!


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Yami arashi

Senior Member

02-07-2013

Oh god i love it, would be great to have thos 3 guys in the league!, its not a hard to play anyways, u just have to choose a path of skills, so even if thay has lots of skills (more than 20 maybe) u can only use 3 of em, so its kinda easy to play, but hard to master... i want a red post... NOW


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BergMeister

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Senior Member

02-07-2013

I do too. Maybe it will happen soon, keep the upvotes coming and maybe we can get their attention


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zergthefiregod

Junior Member

02-07-2013

bump