Why does the death of a loved one hurt?

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Jesus the Friend

Member

03-26-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elan Tedronai View Post
Maybe she should go on a diet? ...
Okay, I must admit, I loled.

+1



Elan(and others), I highly recommend you watch this video, it is related to the topic at hand... and it's also quite nerdy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6Bs4E0xCHE


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standin

Senior Member

03-26-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elan Tedronai View Post
Maybe she should go on a diet? ... I kid, I kid >.>

Anyway, I don't mean on a personal level, I mean on a human level. Yes, it hurts because we form interpersonal attachments. But it shouldn't if it's all we've ever known as a species. Thousands, hundreds of thousands of years of loved ones dying and we haven't learned to deal with it yet?
She's fit and very beautiful!! >: (

I can deal with it but it still hurts. I've found myself able to accept it because I've dealt with it off and on throughout my life. Grandparents, friends, I've lost an aunt or two. I think you can deal with it and still be depressed by it. It's a grieving process. I still get depressed when I think about some of my friends who have died.


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Elan Tedronai

Senior Member

03-26-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by standin View Post
I think you can deal with it and still be depressed by it. It's a grieving process. I still get depressed when I think about some of my friends who have died.
I can identify with you. I lost my parents at a young age. This is what I'm talking about, where and why did we pick up this need or desire to mourn along our evolutionary path? It doesn't make any sense. If we've never known anything but death why did we develop a mechanism to cope with it? When you think about it over the span of human history, death is the same as getting out of bed in the morning. It's the same as tying your shoes. It's a foregone conclusion that it's going to happen. I don't know about you but I never developed a coping mechanism for tying my shoes. We develop coping mechanisms for things that shouldn't happen.


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standin

Senior Member

03-26-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elan Tedronai View Post
I can identify with you. I lost my parents at a young age. This is what I'm talking about, where and why did we pick up this need or desire to mourn along our evolutionary path? It doesn't make any sense. If we've never known anything but death why did we develop a mechanism to cope with it? When you think about it over the span of human history, death is the same as getting out of bed in the morning. It's the same as tying your shoes. It's a foregone conclusion that it's going to happen. I don't know about you but I never developed a coping mechanism for tying my shoes. We develop coping mechanisms for things that shouldn't happen.
There's a difference between tying your shoes and losing a loved one.
You don't develop an intimate relationship with your shoes. You do with your loved ones. We pick it up because our loved ones are fellow human beings. We care about them and what happens in their lives and their connection with our lives.


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Elan Tedronai

Senior Member

03-26-2012

On the cosmic scale, there isn't a difference. You're talking about where we are now. I'm talking about how we got here. From an evolutionary perspective, death is as menial as tying our shoes. Why did we develop a need to cope with the loss? Why do I still feel a sense of loss 15 years after my mother died? Why is that sense of loss there? We feel a sense of loss when we had something we no longer have. Except, we've never had anything but death. I havn't lost anything. It's 'natural' that my mother would die. What did I lose? On the evolutionary scale, I've lost nothing. I got what was I always had. I'm not talking about the loss being too early, old people who lose their older parents still feel that loss.


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standin

Senior Member

03-26-2012

Again, because tying your shoes is vastly different than losing a loved one. On a scale of time, yeah, people tie their shoes a lot and people die a lot. But one holds more emotional meaning than the other. You're sad because she was important to you. You've lost her support and love. You've lost her in your life. You can no longer experience anything with her that you have. It's all emotional...


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Sailor Cosmos

Senior Member

03-26-2012

Emotional attachments keep the babies coming.


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Sailor Cosmos

Senior Member

03-26-2012

Oh, and also, it's in our natural biology to mate and was a main priority throughout human history and to sustain life. Death is not life (though it does help sustain life in terms of soil nutrients and such) so we feel emotions of sadness and grief as a means to keep reproducing and rely on each other rather than kill everyone off and humankind goes extinct.


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Flodoard

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Senior Member

03-26-2012

It's the loss of a valued relationship.


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IS1d69e2e5726f5f

Member

03-26-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elan Tedronai View Post
Those bonds have a 100% failure rate though. Why doesn't that lessen the sting of death over the course of the millenia?
actually, it does in tribal region of Africa where parents don't expect their children to live through infancy

they have lots of kids to make up for high infant mortality and they move on pretty fast if the kid dies (not sure if it's a behavior adaptation or evolution though). They probably didn't build up a strong bond to begin with


in more developed countries (both in modern and slightly earlier times), family just don't have the exposure to such death rate to build up a tolerance. In the US and Europe, I would imagine parents expect their kids to live a long live so they build up large emotional bond (I would imagine the bond increases the survival chances of kids)

so in summary, the living condition of human varies greatly throughout different regions, causing the optimal amount of emotional attachment different with each region. In Africa, human adapt to the condition by focusing increasing the numbers of offspring whereas in the US, a large number of offspring would decrease the living condition of the entire family so more emphasis is place on creating a small number of offspring with good living conditions

the same could be applied between a husband/wife relationship... or any other bond


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