Shen's journey

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M3TASH33P

Senior Member

12-31-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by xwlr View Post
I'm sorry, I know I should have, but school always hits me hard, I'm a bit antisocial you know, and it's always difficult for me to start a year. Plus my parents moved to different homes so there's a lot of things on my mind, I do want to finish this, but I really can't say when will I be able to. I need to be really balanced to be able to write, unfortunately. I know, it's all excuses and stuff, but still. I'll try to get myself together, but I don't know when will that happen.

Anyway, thanks for still being here.
Your post got me all excited


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AngryGyarados

Member

01-05-2013

They tortured Lux? O.o
Nerf those dam Noxians. Nerf them hard.


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FATGUYSAY

Senior Member

01-08-2013

I just caught up with the story and man, you are great at killing characters; however, it felt that when you kill a character, it was fast. Also the torture of Lux was too cruel, but I understand how Draven wants to do it. I can't wait for more so keep it up!


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saladeo

Senior Member

01-09-2013

Bump, keep them coming.


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xwlr

Senior Member

01-22-2013

Holy ****, I don't even remember my own story now...

Okay, this week and the next is still filled up, but after that I'll read my story, and yeah, no promise of a new chapter yet, but I do promise I'll look into it and see if I can pick it up with the mood.

Thx for still reading tho.
Aaaand... how should I kill characters 'more slowly"?
Coz when I'll read through my story again now, I'll probably make a few slight adjustments to the non-core plotline.


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saladeo

Senior Member

01-22-2013

you know, you could make that noxus captures teemo and he dies, god, that would be awesome


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xwlr

Senior Member

01-23-2013

My Teemo is different with a purpose, I tried to alter the character to be less annoying, making him more serious, voice deeper and hoarse from tobacco, and no longer a ridiculous "Scout" but now a leader of Resistance Militia and commander of a recon unit.

But then it seems so I failed...


And Lux was totrtured because I remember she was #1 on my annoying champion list.

I also hate screaming women, and so Riven and this Vi turned up now, and yeah, I'm set.
Gotta kill them if I'm gonna continue this story...


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SpiritHacker

Senior Member

01-23-2013

The problem with Teemo is that LoL has us all already conditioned to hate him with an undying passion. I don't think even an official change of his character would fix that. :P Good try though.

Glad to hear you might be getting back into this. I'd love to see more!


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xwlr

Senior Member

01-23-2013

Yeah I'll try. But then again, if I do, I'll have to finish 'till summer, and I'm finishing high school this year, which means baziliions of exams.

And during the summer I'm full, I'm gonna learn cool 3D stuff like V-ray, Z-brush, Maya, and hell, even CryENGINE.

So in the end I might come up with a CGI illustration of my journey Shen. But that's exactly a year from now, coz that's when I'll finish my character spec course.

What matters is, that I really lack time full year for writing

But I'll try.


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xwlr

Senior Member

01-26-2013

Okay, so I read through the last chapter and corrected countless typos and grammatical errors I left in it months ago. I also added and expansion for the "escaping town" part, to make it more complex and believable. Unfortunately it then exceeded the character limit, and I had to cut it in half. So, this is the expansion, picking up after they reach the gate. I think it's worth re-read the last paragraph of the chapter from the previous post, as it really was almost cut off mid-sentence.

Okay, so this is not a whole new chapter, but at least something. Still no promises on anything tho, but I hope you'll enjoy this little addition. I think the Noxus chapter really lacked this. It's also a great opportunity to check if my style has changed during the passed months







Outside the wall lay the outskirts of Noxus, resembling more of a village than a town. According to lore, more honest citizens were residents here, those who worked inside the city but would rather choose to live outside. Therefore gates were usually open for the meantime, and also because trading caravans arriving from the North carried their goods into the city through the North Gate.

It praised the noxian military infrastructure, that alarm was already raised here as well, and guards were setting up a checkpoint. Preparations to close the massive gates were also in progress. Akali quickly grabbed Kennen and tucked him under his cloak, a little similar as if she would be holding a child. After a quick eye contact with Shen, she produced a very believable cry of panic and ran towards the village before the gates were shut.

Shen followed her with fast steps, and though his military disguise was poor, it was still that of a commander's, so he shouted with authorative voice again, before they could question him.

"If you close the bloody gates how are you going to search the outskirts?! Dispatch a search squad immediately!" - he shouted as he was walking with speed like never before. It took discipline not to start outright running. He didn't actually have time to think over what he just ordered.

"Sir, but we were reported that suspicious individuals fled towards the west..."

"Then WHY are there so many guards here?!" - he quickly grasped the opportunity - "Get your asses immediately to the west, and assist searching units there!"

"SIR! The gate must have a minimum amount of guards during an alarm..."

"They stay here for ****'s sake!" - Shen closed it down, maintining his arrogant noxian style. He needn't continue the argument as he got past the gate by now - "I'll look for viable soldiers to dispatch west myself!"

He finished as he stormed out. Now he needed to find Akali. They spoke no words, but he expected the woman to find a rather safe spot and observe from there, contacting him once safe. Years of work together was not in wain, she soon spotted Akali leaning out from behind the corner of a house, motioning him to follow.

Shen quickly caught up to her. Kennen was standing on the ground now, without the protection of Akali's cloak.

"This house is empty for now, quick, drop your armor in there, and here's a jacket I found inside."

"Professional as always..." - said Shen as he peeled off the armor from his body and quickly put the new leather jacket on, shifting his identity from a noxian commander to a resident of the outskirts.

"This village is too big." - Shen said as he looked around - "There's no forest or anything where we could quickly hide and disappear. We need to back it out somehow. Let me think..."

"Our best shot is to appear as strangers visiting town..." - Akali began.

"And strangers stay at the Inn..." - Kennen continued

"And Inns tend to be close to trading posts if there is one nearby. And there must be one here. We can look for a caravan there." - Shen took on.

"But trading posts, due to their nature, are at the edge of settlements, because that's where they have space for horses and carriages. It means we have to look for the Inn somewhere farther..." - said Akali.

"Farther along the main road of course." - Shen finished - "The one that starts from the gate. We must follow it from a distance though, because guards will also use it. Quickly, grab Kennen and go."

Staying a few house blocks away from it, they followed the widest road of the village, walking, but walking fast, trying to avoid suspicion. Lucky thing taverns always try to make themselves easy to find, this one having a huge sign hanging in front of it's veranda.

Slowing down upon arrival, they entered the building. It was full of merchants and peasents, chatter and voice filling the large hall. The alarm did not seem to get here yet, but Shen and Akali knew that in short time, it very much will. Still, it was an advantage because the people in there won't remember them as 'ones ran in during the chaos' even if they actually only arrived a few seconds before the first guards.

By the time the noxian military broke in the door, they were already sitting at one of the small, round tables, seemingly talking about something very important. Akali hid Kenen under the table, on her lap, covered by the cloak.

The troops started questioning the Inn dwellers, and soon one got to the group as well.

"We're visiting town." - Shen answered to the guard's question - "An old friend living here."

"And who might that? If that's a real person, surely you can tell where he lives..." - it seemed noxian trained military wasn't that dump after all.

"Ehhm ... we don't know exactly, we were just talking about how we're going to find him. You know it it's been some time we saw each other, and that was back in Bilgewater..."

"Really? Is that so?" - the soldier was getting suspicious.

After a quick thought Shen continued:

"But he did say he has a garden. I'm sure it's not that usual in Noxus, in fact, you might even help us out here."

"Ahm. Yeah. I know the old ****. An urban legend he is. But I have difficulties believing he actually has friends like you two... or that he ever was in Bilgewater. I'll think I'll just have to take you to a checkpoint and have someone look at your story, then we'll see."

"He's been to Bilgewater!" - Akali interrupted - "That's where he knows Gangplank from. Or did you not know? If he's an urban legend, then surely everyone knows he's a freind of Gangplank."

"Well, yeah, it's part of the story..." - the guard strached his head.

"I'm sure nobady wants unnecessary work, so spare yourself, and your captain the trouble, will you?" - Akali continued, with a bit of womanly charm - "Actually, might we know why are there militia all over the place?"

"No. Mind your business then." - the soldier grunted, then left them alone.

As the guard got out of hearing distance, they could finally take a relieved breath.

"That was close." - sighed Shen - "He actually caught me there. Thanks for the help."

"Naturally. So, where to go from here?" - asked Akali.

"Well, there is only one place Noxus hasn't conquered yet." - Shen answered - "And that is Freljord."

"The last place before they move against Ionia. But without Swain, Freljord stands a chance." - Akali nodded.

"Still, we will have to go there and warn them. Warn their king to organize the defense. Defense against a now much less tactical Noxus." - Shen added.




Ok, so feedback pls!!
I need motivation to start a whole new big chapter, and silence won't do it : (
Am I still ok? Should I try?