Just as a minor bump, and also perhaps to show some of the changes I'd make to the Observation that PsilonStefanov produced. Think of it as me adding personal touches to polish the final work. Don't worry; if I use your League Judgment and modify it, you'll still be credited, PsilonStefanov.
Hey, YouSo, and thanks for the edit...while I can't see all that many changes in the text itself the modifications to the paragraph do indeed make it a lot more readable, and what's more important separate things in a way that gives much clearer logical highlights. Thanks for the editing work (that I tend to be really bad at).
And sorry about my long silence - I'm a university student in an exam session and for the last few days I was stuck reading psychoanalysis... which killed all and any will to live and write I had.
As for more of my work, I finished the first scene of the reflection a week ago (I haven't uploaded it because I haven't found the time to edit it), and should start working on the second one today.
Okay...it's been too long since I've gotten feedback, and admitedly it's too late for me to exhibit self-control. Hence, here goes the first half (scene) of Nephry's Reflection, only subjected to a very quick and nasty edit. Feedback would be highly appreciated. And sorry about it being so long, like I said my page discipline failed me.
Selected? So quickly? And here I was, with my last hope that someone else (atleast you ) would join this challenge, and show me another take on the topic.
About the gripes...hmm...I beg the right to argue, unjust as it may be. About the first part - it wasn't so much about what he has seen, but about the fact that his own clumsiness lead to this situation. What you said makes it seem like that is unclear, so I'll explain, because I admit I couldn't shed as much light as I wanted on the issue, without leaving Nephry's point of view.
In general, the situation was such that our heroine had indeed chosen to turn her back on Swain as soon as the league let her join and she once again appeared in the public eye (as seen at the end of her observation). However as we saw in the start of both scenes things got messed up and there was some static, meant to indicate the fact that the sumoner didn't have an easy time probing her mind (I saw this as possible, because of Vayne's judgement, and indicative because we had never seen anything of the kind before (I think)). As a result of his problems his choice of scenes was subpar and damaging, while Nephry's still shaken from the torture mind couldn't tell that these were memories (this I think was quite obvious). The sumoner, being in her head became aware of the damage he had done (this was seen in the last few lines, both that he had made a mistake and that he was aware of it) and that was why he wanted to give his life up, rather than face judgement (internal or external), for this failiure on his end.
As for the second part, while I agree that a sob, let alone colapsing in tears, isn't something we can expect from him, thing is that there is no Swain there, just an image of him, in Nephry's memory.
Edit 1: I'm also ading the entire judgement for clarity's sake. (with your version of the observation)
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