do you like this fan fic

yes, keep posting this fan fic 3 75.00%
yes, but stop posting this fan fic 0 0%
no, but it is a decent idea 1 25.00%
no, stop posting fan fic all together 0 0%
Voters: 4. You may not vote on this poll

shadow of the kinkou: introduction

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Ouroborous HD

Senior Member

01-01-2012

IMPORTANT: this is my first time writing a fan fic. also i do have plans to submit a character design for the character in this story. if you think this is good and worth persuing then i will continue to write it if not then i will stop.

*italics signify a change in voice tone. said change is his voice taking an otherworldly quality as if it comes from every direction

sorry but i cannot put in more detail as that would involve revealing what i have planned for chapter 1 again sorry


INTRODUCTION

My name is etheria. I have devoted my life to the absolute preservation of balance. In order to persue this calling i have trained my body and mind so that they are not only perfect but are also perfectly balanced. During the decade i spent training i managed to gain control over magic and then through meditation i transcended what normal people call "limitations of magic". I have gained the ability to command both light and dark magic simultaneously. Through these two branches of magic I have created a fusion magic capable of both great creations and horrifying destruction. Now i am free from my training and will travel this world seeking to put it in perfect balance. The best way to do this is to shadow the kinkou as they seek the same thing i do but are clouded by their responsilities to their order. Following akali, kennen, and shen is ultimately the only way to obtain perfect balance. By shadowing them and correcting what they do from the shadows this world will ultimately fall into a perfect state. My story begins at the temple of the Kinkou where i will start persuing my purpose. I am Etheria the bringer of balance


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Ouroborous HD

Senior Member

01-01-2012

bump


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Ouroborous HD

Senior Member

01-01-2012

i need feedback or i wont know whether all of you want me to keep posting this fan fic or not


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Ouroborous HD

Senior Member

01-01-2012

bump plz give feedback


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nyarlaBROtep

Senior Member

01-01-2012

Bumping a thread every couple hours is kind of annoying.

Anyway, feedback?

Needs a bit more detail and length before people will know if they will read it or not. I know it's an introduction but it needs a bit more to get people hooked. From what you have, it seems okay but post a bit more and ill give another comment.


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Ouroborous HD

Senior Member

01-01-2012

bump


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FelixKam

Senior Member

01-01-2012

You need more details for people to judge it properly.


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Ouroborous HD

Senior Member

01-01-2012

what details specifically cuz i dont know which details im missing


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Thaisun

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Senior Member

01-01-2012

Got a few questions for you, first of all, is the main character a male or female? What do they look like? Where are they?
Also, you need to capitalize names. Other than that, it is interesting. I'm quite a fan of the ninjas.


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nyarlaBROtep

Senior Member

01-01-2012

I re-read your post an it's better. I might of been wrong in my first post. you can't really put detail or atmosphere in a first person narration of a story. As an introduction, its okay. If you can tell a little more about the plot/ story then that would be a bit better.

Couple of grammar/spelling things I've noticed.

Stand alone "i" needs to be capitalized.
"etheria" if this is a name, it should be capitalized.
Other little errors, like commas and run-on sentences.


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