Guiding Light - A RivenXLux Fanfic

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CardsLafter

Junior Member

01-22-2013

So... Yeah, I write a good bit. Gotta say, when I first saw this... Shipfic...

Well, I wasn't expecting great things. But what the hell, it's popular for a reason and I needed to kill some time at work.

I read the entire thing within four hours.

Your grammar is pretty clean, your sentence structure can sometimes lead to walls of text (trust me, that's almost impossible to avoid), and your first chapter was absolutely painful to read.

I can relate to all of that... Trust me; that is not an insult. I've been there and can tell that you sometimes cringe when you go back and read your first couple of chapters. It's just how these things go. You get better as you go and you don't stop getting better but your past content never catches up.

After that, I was just having so much fun reading. Why? Well, a bit of meta is I noticed continuing improvement in description, characterization, and dialogue. Flow also picked up to a proper pace around fifty thousand words. It was absolutely thrilling and nostalgic to watch someone else go through the exact same steps as I did. :3 I had so much fun!

Now onto the content itself. Like I said, shipfic. Wasn't expecting much.

Totally was chewing my lip at Irelia. Why? I don't know. I don't even like Irelia! D: But I was so heartbroken watching her be heartbroken! That made me so sad! Hell, the romance with Lux, while charming and fun, was totally overshadowed by the Will of Ionia begrudgingly push her heart aside to nudge Riven towards Lux. Even if it made perfect sense!

Using Irelia as a rebound girl that consoled Riven without taking advantage of her vulnerable state was brilliant! AND PAINFUL.

I hate FF Ships! And I was practically beating my head on the desk at work (Mondays are so slow) because I wanted to see Riven be happy. Hell, I didn't even know what that meant!

... ... ... Well done, sir. Contact me if you'd like to chat in greater detail. I figure you've plenty of people to talk to concerning your work, but I don't often get to speak to other aspiring authors.


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Cerubois

Senior Member

01-22-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Doabarrelrolln00 View Post
I didn't know you knew each other, or was it just internets?
We know each other quite well now... ;P

Quote:
Originally Posted by Drakojan View Post
Idea: you know how you said you'd make a Fury Company story? What if you ads a younger Darius and Draven into it? That'd be awesome O_o.

Edit: "what if you ads a younger..." My English mayne. My English.
I do have an idea for Draven... I could probably find a spot for Darius too, but both of them would likely be short cameos, rather than significant roles. I don't want them to steal the show!

Quote:
Originally Posted by CardsLafter View Post
.
That was a much-needed critique after a long time of good ol' ego-boosting. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as you did, and got past the rough start. :P

One day I'll go back and fix it up properly (which may involve a lot of rewriting). I think it'll be much easier to do when I'm finished, which isn't too far away...


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Mr Ratz

Senior Member

01-22-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Drakojan View Post
Ceru. I'm pressuring you. DOOOOOOO IIIITTTTT. Nah I joke (sort of :P), do whatever you want with it, we'll enjoy it.
Idea: you know how you said you'd make a Fury Company story? What if you ads a younger Darius and Draven into it? That'd be awesome O_o.

Edit: "what if you ads a younger..." My English mayne. My English.

I love this idea. except wit only a younger Darius. Draven is too much of a show it and in no way disciplined enough to be in an elite batalion such as the fury company. Darius young crush is Riven? Oh the lols. No wonder he turned so bitter.


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Mr Ratz

Senior Member

01-22-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cerubois View Post
We know each other quite well now... ;P
.
I wish I could think of something witty, funny, and still appropriate to say about this. But being a non-creative engineer major I obviously fail at such acts. So I guess I have no more comments.


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BenDrowns

Member

01-22-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Ratz View Post
I wish I could think of something witty, funny, and still appropriate to say about this. But being a non-creative engineer major I obviously fail at such acts. So I guess I have no more comments.
I, the boring and normal highschool student, also digress.


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Roayel

Member

01-22-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Doabarrelrolln00 View Post
I didn't know you knew each other, or was it just internets?
The two hinted a long time ago at their... relationship haha, Silver said something like "ask ceru" when she was asked about a boyfriend I think? I can't quite remember but yea haha.


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Crankdawg

Member

01-25-2013

Chapter 14 was awesome. Great character building on Lux.

This one chapter made her entire character up to this point, believable, and relatable all at once.

Well done.


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Blaine Tog

Senior Member

01-25-2013

Moar.


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Cerubois

Senior Member

01-28-2013

I may need a short break guys. Give me a week or two. Personal stuff.

Sorry.


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BenDrowns

Member

01-28-2013

It's good by me, you deserve it.
Good luck with personal stuff!