Demacia, one of the most powerful city-states in all of Runeterra. It's golden opulence often blinded the masses to the near hypocritical righteousness of it's leaders. Politics were dirty, even in a morally strict society such as Demacia's. It's near draconian laws kept the masses in check, while any sign of rebellion was quieted with swift prejudice. However, today was a day of joy for the Demacian people, for their prince had finally found himself a wife.
While an unlikely pair, Prince Jarvan had found happiness in the Half-Dragon known as Shyvana. Perhaps he was only marrying her for some kind of strange alliance with the dragons, perhaps it was that thing she did with her tongue, perhaps it was many things, but love was in the air.
Of course to celebrate this matrimony, there would be a great ceremony held within the palace, where all the dignitaries and various other important people would gather to bless the new couple. Gossip was abound of how a half-dragon even wears a dress, would Jarvan wear a suit or his Royal Armor, and how much cake would there be? Of course none of this mattered as the ceremony would be a private one, held within the castle so assassins could not take out the future King and Queen.
Several days after the announcement, in Bandle City, the mighty blacksmith Poppy had received a flowery invitation in the mail. It smelled of lavender and had fancy script upon it with the Royal Demacian Seal keeping the letter from opening. Inside was a invitation to the Royal Wedding which, as the Ambassador to Demacia, she was expected to attend...in a dress. Dresses and Poppy were not the best of friends, but as a Government Official she was required to attend. Poppy had tried getting out of this kind of nonsense before, but her position had won out as she had been dragged off to a tea party for Jarvan's niece. Rather than face down an entire squadron of heavily armored Demacian guards, Poppy resigned herself to going to the frilly event. She wouldn't enjoy it, but Jarvan was a dear friend and she would support him in this mistake of his. Packing Whomper away, Poppy wrote in "steak," under the options to eat chicken or fish and headed for Demacia.
The wedding was only three days away now and all of Demacia was anticipating the event. All the newsstands were concerned with speculation over the event, tabloid magazines ran trashy pieces about "Shyvana's secret Dragon lover," and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, everyone except Poppy. She sulked about in the Royal guest room, having trashed every dress the seamstress had designed for her for being "too girly," "too frilly," and "too froo froo-ey."
She needed to see Jarvan about some unfinished business she had with him before she could give him her blessing. That and she wanted this crazy woman with the fabric to stop trying to "enhance," her bust line by stabbing her with pins and posing her like some sort of doll. Poppy was no doll, she was a powerful warrior and would be respected as such. Putting her far more comfortable armor back on and dismissing the forlorn looking seamstress, Poppy set out for the prince's quarters.
Garen and Jarvan stood together in the middle of Jarvan's room, on a rug made out of some strange beast's fur. The two gigantic men had been friends for many years and were supposedly having a serious meeting about the wedding's security details.
"So bro, you uh, been hittin' that."
Garen was far more crass than usual, having been relieved of his post for the day and chugging several pints of brew within the past hour.
"Course man, her tongue is like nine inches, which is nearly as big as my-"
Jarvan was interrupted by a muscular Yorlde, with a large hammer, tapping his foot. Looking at him with scorn in her eyes.
"Nine inches huh Jarvy? That's a bit of an overestimate from where I'm standing."
Poppy's reply was curt in tone and rather mean-spirited, but she needed to abuse Jarvan at this moment.
Garen could do nothing, but stifle a laugh as he extended a fist towards Poppy for her excellently timed burn, which she did indeed pound back. She had nothing against Garen, he might have been a bit of an oaf, but he was a strong warrior, and she gave him that.
"How long have you been standing there?"
Blushing profusely, Jarvan tried to retain as much of his princely aura as he could, but being cut down by a woman half your size, who can beat you in an arm-wrestling contest, is a blow one does not easily get over.
Jarvan waved Garen away as Poppy wandered about Jarvan's chambers, examining this and that, finally taking her place on his bed, as though she wanted to be drawn like some kind of French girl. Absent mindedly circling her left index finger on his silken sheets, Poppy continued with her roasting of the future king.
"Oh come now Jarvy, you act like I haven't seen it before. Or did you forget that night at camp hmmm?"
Indeed, Jarvan and Poppy had had a night of drunken passion on his last hunting trip. It had gotten cold and the both of them were piss drunk, so it had seemed like a good idea at the time. Still, how a Yordle can consume 13 pints of ale and retain a memory of the event astounded Jarvan as all he remembered was waking up cold, hungover, and naked next to Poppy underneath a bear skin blanket.
"I bet you haven't even slept with fire crotch yet, have you?"
Poppy stared hard in to Jarvan's now beet red face for a few moments before giggling as best she could.
"Oh my Gods you haven't. Are you really trying to impress that fool with your fantasies?"
Poppy fell over in hysterics. She hadn't meant to hurt Jarvan as much as she had, but he deserved it. Not even a box of chocolates afterwards, all he had said was "Sorry," after their night together and packed his things in a drunken haze. Like she was some kind of mistake. Now he had this new squeeze and he was head over heels for Dragon girl.
"Poppy please, let me explain."
"No, no need to. I get it. You're not in to little blue women, I get that, most humans aren't. What I don't get is why you haven't tried talking to me about it in eight months, like we never happened, like I couldn't care for you, like I couldn't have loved you!"
Poppy gasped as that last part hadn't meant to come out. She had let it slip and there was a very long, awkward silence in the room until Jarvan cleared his throat and began speaking in a hushed tone as he took a place on his bed, sitting next to Poppy, stroking her hair with his strong left hand.
"It's not that I never cared for you Poppy, I care deeply for you, dare I say it, I love you. It's just that, that night, I compromised our friendship for something that could have ruined our relationship. I never wanted to hurt you and I've been trying to find a way to say that, while I do love you, I just want our friendship to continue as it always has without that night having ever happening. Can you ever forgive me?"
Poppy's eyes were welling up with tears, she looked up in to Jarvan's deep brown puppy dog eyes and could see he was being as sincere as possible with his words. It was not the answer Poppy was looking for though. Pushing him to the ground with her great strength, Poppy took Whomper and stormed out of the Prince's room, running back to the guest room, tears streaming down her face, right past a very confused Shyvana.
"Sir, we can't find her anywhere on the grounds. The guest room was absolutely destroyed as well, but I think we have more pressing matters to attend to than finding a lone Yordle."
"No Xin, she is an Ambassador for the Yordle people, but more importantly than that, she is my friend. We shall find her before the ceremony or there shall be no ceremony."
Jarvan stood proudly once again, looking every bit the prince he didn't feel like. For the first time in his life, Jarvan felt like a scum bag. He had rejected many women before, but seeing Poppy cry like that had wounded him deeper than any sword ever had. He needed to make this up to Poppy somehow, but he could only think of one thing.
"Also, make sure to let her know that she can wear her armor to the ceremony, I know how she feels about dresses."
"Very well sire, we shall continue looking."
With that, Xin and his elite men went to comb Demacia for a single Yordle, who appeared to have rocked the guest room...like a hurricane.
Running as fast as her stubby legs could carry her, Poppy was headed for Bandle city. She never wanted to see Jarvan's stupid handsome face ever again. She wanted to smash it in with a hammer, wait, she already had a hammer, this was a much better plan than running. With that, Poppy turned around to head back for Demacia, she would show Jarvan how she really felt about him on his wedding day, maybe she'd smash fire crotch up a bit too. Just to make herself feel better. Hammer smashing always made Poppy feel better.
Demacia was all atwitter with the news that a single Yordle was putting the Royal wedding on hold. What was so important about her that the prince would halt his own wedding, the happiest day of his life, for her? Tabloids exploded with stories about Jarvan's secret trists with the Yordle and magically altered photos of young Yordle children to look more like Jarvan, claiming he was their father.
Xin and his men searched tirelessly until they found Poppy, walking ominously through the Demacian gates, her hammer held tightly by her side, a look of unbridled rage across her normally stoic face.
"Ah there you are Poppy, the prince has had us searching the entire city for you. he says the wedding can't continue without the maid of honor."
Poppy remained unmoving, unflinching. All she could see and hear was Jarvan and his stupid face with his stupid words. All the guards looked like Jarvan to her, so she ran up to one and brought Whomper across his gloriously stupid abs. Ribs shattered and blood was coughed up as the guard went down under the massive blow.
Xin stood bewildered. He hadn't seen power like this since his time in the arenas in Noxus, but now was not the time to think about that, now was the time to catch himself a Yordle.
"Restrain her, I don't care what you have to do, but get that fuzzy blue woman in chains!"
Xin bellowed his orders as his men rushed towards Poppy, confident in their ability to handle such a small opponent only armed with a Smith's hammer. Xin himself charged in, knowing Poppy was a champion of the League and surely a worthy foe for him to face.
Poppy only grinned at the challenge.
"Your majesty, we must start the ceremony now. Unrest grows within your city as this delay continues."
"Not until Poppy is here."
Jarvan stood firm with his resolve that he would have his dear friend here with him, on his wedding day. Regardless of what the priest said. Standing there, regally, with his sharp tuxedo on. Jarvan had opted to keep a thin suit of armor on underneath his suit just in case poppy did return angrier than he anticipated. She had been known to take down entire teams on the Fields of Justice herself when provoked. He was sure Xin and his men could handle themselves though.
Xin and his men could not handle themselves.
Poppy was an absolute terror to fight against. She seemed unphased by their blows, as though immune to their weapons, quickly striking each armored man down with a single crushing blow to the skull. Suddenly it was just her and Xin left standing, breathing heavily, Xin charged in to take down the ferocious Yordle, Poppy too charged back, but she was stronger. Taking Xin with her in to a wall. bricks crumbling to dust about them from the sheer force of the charge.
"Xin, you need to stop now while you're ahead."
Xin Zhao slowly moved his face to look at his attacker. Coughing up blood as she had surely bruised something internally.
"Why, it is my duty?"
"Because it's Hammer Time."
Xin Zhao crumpled in to a heap on the ground. Never before had he experienced that kind of power behind a single blow. He wouldn't die that day, but he would certainly be out of action for a few months as his broken everything healed. With his last breath before succumbing to unconsciousness, Xin wheezed.
"He...he would not start his wedding without you...he said that, he was sorry he betrayed his best friend. He also said you could wear your armor instead of a dress.
With that, Xin became a heap on the ground. There was nothing more he could do, the ball was in Poppy's court now.
It had been four hours since Jarvan had postponed his wedding and the people were growing restless, the buffet had been consumed, and Shyvana had threatened to burn the building down if they didn't start soon.
"Sire, we are starting this wedding now, there is unrest in the streets and we fear there may be a riot if you two are not wed within the hour."
Jarvan knew what he had to do, he was being selfish by putting himself before his people. He needed to marry Shyvana before he had to impose martial law on the city as the had been swept up in a wedding day fervor.
Jarvan nodded to the priest, it was time for him to get married.
"Now then, let us begin the ceremony."
The priest seemed pleased that he was finally going to get to perform the most important wedding of his life.
"May the bride be escorted down the aisle?"
Lacking a father to do so for her, Shyvana was walked down the aisle by Garen instead, dressed in his fanciest pauldrons with a boyish new haircut, Garen clinked and squeaked with his steaps as he walked Shyvana, in her red silk dress down the aisle.
What a dress it was too. A simple strapless piece and waist cincher with a golden clasp featuring a dragon. She looked beautiful though. Even Lux, the flower girl, was crying at how beautiful everything was.
All was going well until the priest asked the fateful question.
"Before these two wed, is there anyone who would speak against their union? May you be heard now or forever hold your peace."
Almost as if by magic, the door to the cathedral gave way from a powerful blow. As the dust settled, there stood Poppy, in her strapless silken white dress, holding a bouquet of flowers.
"I have nothing to say against them, only that Jarvy isn't allowed to get married without me to give him away!"
Tears were once again forming in Poppy's eyes, but the rage was gone from them, instead replaced by happiness, for her friend, and even for fire crotch. For after completely dismantling Xin and his men, she had gone through the majority of the cities guards and cleansed herself of the anger along the way by hammering it out. Poppy knew what Jarvan had meant now, after getting to think about his words for a few days, that their friendship was a friendship of love, that they held a bond like no other, just not the kind of bond he would be sharing with Shyvana.
Wobbling up to the main platform, as Poppy was still uncomfortable in heels, Jarvan dusted the wood chips from her choulders and bent down to hug her.
"You look beautiful by the way. You should wear a dress more often."
"I'll take the compliment, but if you suggest I ever wear a dress around me again I'll hammer you until they have to call you princess Jarvan."
Jarvan couldn't help but chuckle at Poppy's sense of humor, although he took the threat slightly more seriously when he noticed the bloodstains on her shoes.
The priest, looking slightly annoyed, cleared his throat and began anew.
"Well then, as all have said their peace, I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride."
Jarvan took Shyvana in his arms, embracing her in a passionate kiss that caused all the children in attendance, and a few adults, to murmur a collective "ewwwwwwwww."
As Jarvan went off to go schmooze, Shyvana hesitantly approached Poppy. While the two knew each other, they certainly weren't friends. Leaning over as best she could in her tight dress Shyvana whispered.
"So, ummm, how is he?"
Grinning slyly, Poppy quickly glanced about the room to make sure no one was listening in on their private conversation.
"Well if you get a few drinks in him, there's this thing he does with his tongue."
© 2014 Riot Games, Inc. All rights reserved. Riot Games, League of Legends and PvP.net are trademarks, services marks, or registered trademarks of Riot Games, Inc.