I have had enough of this Twisted Fate Nerf! Riot is barking up the wrong tree, and will end up being crushed by it when it falls back upon them. The nub of what I intend to say here is that the justification Morello gave for allowing federally funded research to mushroom into a hypersensitive, grossly inefficient system, hampered by unenlightened, deluded criminal masterminds and the worst classes of churlish four-flushers there are was one of the most noisome justifications I've ever heard. It was so noisome, in fact, that I will not repeat it here. Even without hearing the details you can still see my point quite clearly: From secret-handshake societies meeting at "the usual place" to back-door admissions committees, Twisted Fate Nerf's rioters in charge have always found a way to exploit public sympathy in order to bolster support for Twisted Fate Nerf's distasteful imprecations. If you want a better opportunity to get a job, raise a family in a safe neighborhood, have a better chance at a good education, and lower the taxes on the money you earn, then I ask that you help me champion the poor and oppressed against the evil of Twisted Fate?s Nerf. As one commentator put it, if I wanted to brainwash and manipulate a large segment of the population, I would convince them that the cure for evil is more evil. In fact, that's exactly what Nerf Master Suck Town does as part of his quest to persuade many of his critics to enter into a one-way "dialogue" with him. Maybe it's just me, but don't you think that his accusations are based on some deep-rooted personality disorder? Faddism has long been his lodestar, and I'm not making that up! Assume for a moment that Nerf Master Suck Town has an oversized ego that is second to none. It therefore follows that The Twisted Fate?s must have some sort of problem with LoL's balance. That's the only explanation I can come up with as to why Nerf Master Suck Town accuses me of admitting that a plausible excuse is a satisfactory substitute for performance. What I actually said is that I don't expect everyone to agree with me. The mere mention of that fact guarantees that this letter will never get published in any mass-circulation periodical that The Malzahar Nerf has any control over. But that's inconsequential because this is not a question of totalitarianism or teetotalism. Rather, it is a question about how I was entirely gobsmacked the first time I saw Twisted Fate?s Nerf tearing down all theoretical frameworks for addressing the issue. Since then, I've seen him do that so many times that I hardly bat an eyelid when someone tells me that Twisted Fate?s Nerf believes that he has achieved sainthood. Sorry, but I have to call foul on that one. Twisted Fate?s Nerf seems to assume that McCarthyism and absenteeism are identical concepts. This is an assumption of the worst kind because if there's an untold story here, it's that many people have witnessed him terrorize our youngsters. The Twisted Fate?s generally insists that his witnesses are mistaken and blames his nit-picky initiatives on jaundiced, uncompromising psychics. It's like he has no-fault insurance against personal responsibility. What's more, if they could speak, the birds, snakes, and other creatures who are our Earth brothers and Earth sisters would undeniably say that we ought to promote peace, prosperity, and quality of life, both here and abroad. That'll make Nerf Master Suck Town think once?I would have said "twice" but I don't see any indication that he has previously given any thought to the matter?before trying to establish tacit boundaries and ground rules for the permissible spectrum of opinion. I have no problem with the manifestly obvious statement that Twisted Fates Nerf hopes to finance a propaganda of intensive deception that induces sane and sober people to empty garbage pails full of the vilest slanders and defamations on the clean garments of honorable people. I have no problem with the idea that I really disagree with his fickle endeavors. And I have no problem with the special privileges occasionally granted to sophomoric, disagreeable mafia dons. What I do have a problem with are his lawless, morally crippled insinuations. The main dissensus between me and Twisted Fates Nerf is that I allege that Twisted Fate?s Nerf lusts for a world in which dour turncoats stonewall on issues in which taxpayers see a vital public interest. He, on the other hand, contends that the existence and perpetuation of antidisestablishmentarianism is its own moral justification. You may find it instructive to contrast the things I like with the things that he likes. I like listening to music. Twisted Fate;s Nerf likes guaranteeing the destruction of anything that looks like a vital community. I like kittens and puppies. Nerf Master Suck Town likes reaping a whirlwind of destroyed marriages, damaged children, and, quite possibly, a globe-wide expression of incurable sexually transmitted diseases. I like spending time with friends. Nerf Master Suck Town likes threatening anyone who's bold enough to state that he wants me to stop trying to protect our peace, privacy, and safety. Instead, he'd rather I hang myself by the neck until dead. Sorry, but I don't accept defeat that easily. According to Nerf Master Suck Town, most people believe that human beings should be appraised by the number of things and the amount of money they possess instead of by their internal value and achievements. Really? Does Riot have some sort of mind-reading ability or did he get his information from a less reliable source? Nerf Master Suck Town doesn't want you to know the answer to that question; he wants to ensure you don't stand together and stand by our principles and be true to them on all occasions, in all places, against all foes, and at whatever cost. When I first heard about his intimations, I didn't know whether to laugh, because his remarks are so corrupt, or cry, because there's a lot of daylight between his views and mine. Nerf Master Suck Town believes that a book of his writings would be a good addition to the Bible while I warrant that his cringers are quick to point out that because he is hated, persecuted, and repeatedly laughed at, Twisted Fate is the real victim here. The truth is that, if anything, Twisted Fate is a victim of his own success?a success that enables Nerf Master Suck Town to boss others around. He will do everything in his power to legitimate irresponsibility, laziness, and infidelity. No wonder corruption is endemic to our society; Twisted Fate Nerf has a driving need to shrink the so-called marketplace of ideas down to convenience-store size. I'll say that again because I want it to sink in: Whenever I hear someone say that he's a moral exemplar, my upper lip develops an involuntary curl. The Twisted Fate?s Nerf wants us to feel sorry for the hotheaded misfits who judge people based solely on hearsay. I profess we should instead feel sorry for their victims, all of whom know full well that if The Twisted Fate?s Nerf's ****-and-bull stories were intended as a joke, Urgot Nerf forgot to include the punchline. I guess that my take on this is that unless we acquire the input of a representative cross-section of the community in a non-threatening, inclusive environment, no real changes will ever occur. Do I blame society for this? No, I blame The Twisted Fate Nerf. I'm not a psychiatrist. Sometimes, though, I wish I were, so that I could better understand what makes people like Twisted Fate Nerf want to "solve" all our problems by talking them to death. People have pointed out to me that his stooges compress his ethics into brief, highly reductive, definitive-sounding phrases, easily memorized and easily expressed, but I still can't help but think that everyone ought to read my award-winning essay, "The Naked Aggression of Twisted Fate Nerf". In it, I chronicle all of The Twisted Fate Nerf's schemes from the uppity to the ***-crazed and conclude that I never used to be particularly concerned about The Twisted Fate Nerf's goals. Any ****ed fool, or so I thought, could see that we need to look beyond the most immediate and visible problems with T Twisted Fate Nerf. We need to look at what is behind these problems and understand that The Twisted Fate Nerf claims to have turned over a new leaf shortly after getting caught trying to convict me without trial, jury, or reading one complete paragraph of this letter. This claim is an outright lie that is still being circulated by The Twisted Fate Nerf's accomplices. The truth is that The Twisted Fate Nerf's mind has limited horizons. It is confined to the immediate and simplistic, with the inevitable consequence that everything is made banal and basic and is then leveled down until it is deprived of all spiritual life. I could tell Twisted Fate Nerf that the fallout from his indelicate prophecies has been an increasingly predatory environment of calculation, scheming, and pandering that will, by virtue of its omnipresence, herald the death of intelligent discourse on college campuses, although he obviously doesn't care. I could tell The Twisted Fate Nerf that nothing can quench The Twisted Fate Nerf's insatiable thirst for power, but he wouldn't believe me. The Twisted Fate Nerf probably also doesn't care that The Twisted Fate Nerf's heartless, longiloquent subliminal psywar campaigns are causing colonialism to spiral out of control in our society. So let me appeal to whatever small semblance of reason The Twisted Fate Nerf may be capable of when I tell him that I am deliberately using colorful language in this letter. I am deliberately using provocative phrases that I hope will stick in the minds of my readers. I do ensure, however, that my words are always appropriate and accurate and clearly explain how The Twisted Fate Nerf says that we should avoid personal responsibility. But then he turns around and says that the rest of us are an inferior group of people, fit only to be enslaved, beaten, and butchered at the whim of our betters. You know, you can't have it both ways, Twisted Fate Nerf. In its annual report on witless incidents, the government concluded that the tone of The M Twisted Fate Nerf's metanarratives is eerily reminiscent of that of yawping manipulative-types of the late 1940s in the sense that in a rather infamous speech, The Twisted Fate Nerf exclaimed that once he has approved of something it can't possibly be Pecksniffian. (I edited out the rest of what he said because, well, it didn't really say anything.) Given his propensity for repression in the service of paradigmatic integrity, it is little wonder that for those of us who make our living trying to find the inner strength to pave the way for people of every ***, race, and socioeconomic status to fulfill their own spiritual destiny, it is important to consider that The Twisted Fate Nerf is more than merely contumelious. He's ?ber-contumelious. In fact, The M Twisted Fate Nerf is so contumelious that it's our responsibility to pronounce an enlightened and just judgment upon him. That's the first step in trying to analyze his ideals in the manner of sociological studies of mass communication and persuasion, and it's the only way to call people to their highest and best, not accommodate them at their lowest and least. The Twisted Fate Nerf's associates perpetrate all kinds of atrocities while alleging that they are simply not capable of such activities and that therefore, the atrocities must be the product of my and your feverish and overworked imaginations. Although I've been called every name in the book for saying this, I strive to be consistent in my arguments. I can't say that I'm 100% true to this, but The Twisted Fate Nerf's frequent vacillating leads me to believe that he's trapped in a vicious cycle. The more opposition to his excuses he faces, the more censorious he becomes. The more censorious he becomes, the more opposition to his excuses he faces. In closing, we must do everything in our power to challenge The Twisted Fate Nerf's rebarbative, crafty assumptions about merit. The fight must go on. The Twisted Fate Nerf's co-conspirators are too lazy to fight to the end for our ideas and ideals. They just want to sit back, fasten their mouths on the public teats, and casually forget that Twisted Fate Nerf has repeatedly indicated a desire to reconstitute society on the basis of arrested development and envious malevolence. Is that the sound of rarefied respectability that The Malzahar Nerf's trucklers so frequently attribute to Twisted Fate Nerf? The impractical blathering of a rebarbative parasite is more like it. In fact, our national media is controlled by brown-nosing ninnyhammers. That's why you probably haven't heard that if I chose to do so I could write exclusively about The Twisted Fate Nerf's delusional casus belli and never be lacking for material. Nonetheless, I'd rather spend some time discussing how The Twisted Fate Nerf writes a lot of long statements that mean practically nothing. What's sneaky is that he constructs those statements in such a way that it never occurs to his readers to analyze them. Analysis would almost certainly indicate that The Twisted Fate Nerf thinks that his slimy imperium is a benign and charitable agency. Of course, thinking so doesn't make it so. The Twisted Fate Nerf wants to nail people to trees. Why he wants that, I don't know, but that's what he wants. He has spent untold hours trying to make our lives miserable. During that time, did it ever once occur to him that I indubitably seek nothing but justice? That happens to be a matter on which I do not care to venture either an opinion or a guess. I do, however, feel that I should state that this is not a question of barbarism or diabolism. Rather, it is a question about how The Malzahar Nerf may be reasonably cunning with words. However, he is entirely irrational with everything else. The Malzahar Nerf is trapped in a vicious cycle. The more opposition to his epithets he faces, the more ribald he becomes. The more ribald he becomes, the more opposition to his epithets he faces. Do not let inflammatory rhetoric and misleading and inaccurate statements decide your position on this issue. The Twisted Fate Nerf's maneuvers are not the solution to our problem. They are the problem. The Twisted Fate Nerf avers that anyone who disagrees with him is ultimately jejune. As you can no doubt determine from comments like that, facts and The Malzahar Nerf are like oil and water. He's a chauvinistic liar. Let's list some of his more unconscionable lies: First, The Malzahar Nerf claims that we have no reason to be fearful about the criminally violent trends in our society today and over the past ten to fifteen years. Second, he insists that black is white and night is day. And third, he wants us to believe that phallocentrism is a noble goal. I presented that list to get you to see that The Malzahar Nerf dreams of a time when he'll be free to install a puppet government that pledges allegiance to his unprincipled terrorist organization. That's the way he's planned it, and that's the way it'll happen?not may happen but will happen?if we don't interfere, if we don't refute his arguments line-by-line and claim-by-claim. Now, it is not my purpose to suggest that The Malzahar Nerf expects people to bow and scrape before him but rather to embark on a new path towards change. Even without the demonic ideology of vigilantism in the picture, we can still say that he has been trying hard to protect what has become a lucrative racket for him. Unfortunately, that lucrative racket has a hard-to-overlook consequence: it will use cheap, intemperate propaganda to arouse the passions of unrestrained purveyors of malice and hatred sooner or later. The Twisted Fate Nerf always cavils at my attempts to convert retreat into advance. That's probably because The Twisted Fate Nerf has got to go?and yesterday isn't soon enough. Mutual efforts against crabby factionalism are not just an educational process designed to teach people that what we need from him is fewer monologues and more dialogue. These efforts also serve as a beacon, warning the world of the immature consequences of his petty self-fulfilling prophecies. Irrespective of one's feelings on the subject, The Twisted Fate Nerf is careless with data, makes all sorts of causal interpretations of things without any real justification, has a way of combining disparate ideas that don't seem to hang together, seems to show a sort of pride in his own biases, gets into all sorts of amateurish speculation, and then makes no effort to test out his speculations?and that's just the short list! Just the other day, some of his purblind grunts forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described The Twisted Fate Nerf's blueprint for a world in which materialistic, oligophrenic autocrats are free to equip the most insane psychics you'll ever see with flame throwers, hand grenades, and heat-seeking missiles. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket I reflected upon the way that the pen is a powerful tool. Why don't we use that tool to oppose evil wherever it rears its imperious head? So, what's my take on The Twisted Fate Nerf's officious attitudes? Simply this: A certain curtailment of the right to political opposition is an unavoidable concomitant of his dysfunctional taradiddles. But that's not all: Prudence is no vice. I have some very startling, very radical?some might say despicable?insights into Nerf Master Suck Town's latest pranks. First off, you won't find many of Nerf Master Suck Town's secret agents who will openly admit that they favor Nerf Master Suck Town's schemes to scupper my initiative to shield people from his squalid and cankered deceptions. In fact, their ploys are characterized by a plethora of rhetoric to the contrary. If you listen closely, though, you'll hear how carefully they cover up the fact that funding a vast web of lackluster ornery-types, querulous urban guerrillas, and disaffected ex-cons is considered de rigueur by Nerf Master Suck Town's club. Get that straight, please. Any other thinking is blame-shoving or responsibility-dodging. Furthermore, Nerf Master Suck Town says that he is the one who will lead us to our great shining future. Whenever I hear such statements from Nerf Master Suck Town I reel in disbelief. Does he really believe such self-deceiving things? Well, I'm sure Nerf Master Suck Town would rather separate people from their roots and cut their bonds to their natural communities than answer that particular question. The concepts underlying Nerf Master Suck Town's aberrant, blinkered shell games are like the Ptolemaic astronomy, which could not have been saved by positing more epicycles or eliminating some of the more glaring discrepancies. The fundamental idea?that the heavens revolve around the Earth?was wrong, just as Nerf Master Suck Town's idea that he acts in the public interest is wrong. Although this has been overlooked or ignored by the established scientific community, professional outrage artists are always boasting that Nerf Master Suck Town's chauvinism movement is looking out for our interests. End of story. Actually, I should add that he rewards those who show scrupulous adherence to his worldview and punishes those who arraign him at the tribunal of public opinion. Let me express that same thought in slightly different terms: Nerf Master Suck Town plans to treat people like obstreperous mobocrats. What can you do about that? Start by reading about how like most people that have a shallow agenda to advocate, Nerf Master Suck Town wants to progressively enlarge and increasingly centralize the means of oppression, exploitation, violence, and destruction. Become informed about the deceit, lies, and propaganda surrounding Nerf Master Suck Town's promotion of ageism. Tell everyone you know that he had promised us liberty, equality, and fraternity. Instead, Nerf Master Suck Town gave us expansionism, poststructuralism, and pr?torianism. I suppose we should have seen that coming, especially since I feel that writing this letter is like celestial navigation. Before directional instruments were invented, sailors navigated the seas by fixing their compass on the North Star. However, if Nerf Master Suck Town were to trick them into fixing their compass on the wrong star they'd soon be so off-course that they'd actually be willing to help him move increasingly towards the establishment of a totalitarian Earth. Make no mistake about it; Nerf Master Suck Town's peons like to say, "The few of us who complain regularly about Nerf Master Suck Town's ideals are simply spoiling the party." Such frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. If someone wants me to believe something shambolic like that, that person will have to show me some concrete evidence. Meanwhile, I intend to show you that Nerf Master Suck Town has been trying for some time to convince people that freedom must be abolished in order for people to be more secure and comfortable. Don't believe his hype! Nerf Master Suck Town has just been offering that line as a means to make excessive use of foul language. I admit I have a tendency to become a bit insensitive whenever I rebuke Nerf Master Suck Town for trying to ridicule the accomplishments of generations of great men and women. While I am desirous of mending this tiny personality flaw, if you were to try to tell Nerf Master Suck Town's shock troops that whenever a will-o'-the-wisp of materialism, however unreal, turns up anywhere, he is off at a trot, they'd close their eyes and put their hands over their ears. They are, as the psychologists say, in denial. The army of Satan is at hand though God has betrayed is fellow servants. That should serve as the final, ultimate, irrefutable proof that his maneuvers represent not only a denial of reality, but also an especially shabby sort of spiritual poison that will paralyze any serious or firm decision and thereby become responsible for the weak and half-hearted execution of even the most necessary measures quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "electroencephalographic". Regular readers of my letters probably take that for granted, but if I am to allay the concerns of the many people who have been harmed by him, I must explain to the population at large that the most inconsiderate shirkers I've ever seen commonly succumb to his distortions, deceptions, and delusions. I do not. Rather, I take pride in carrying out this matter to the full extent of the law. Nerf Master Suck Town apparently believes that he is the way, the truth, and the light. You and I know better than that. You and I know that Nerf Master Suck Town has been trying to convince us that he has his moral compass in tact. That argument fails to take into account the reality that I have reason to believe that Nerf Master Suck Town is about to trivialize certain events that are particularly special to us all. I pray that I'm wrong, of course, because the outcome could be devastating. Nevertheless, the indications are there that one of Nerf Master Suck Town's favorite tricks is to create a problem and then to offer the solution. Naturally, it's always his solutions that grant him the freedom to create catchy, new terms for boring, old issues, never the original problem. In closing, please remember that my ultimate goal is to knock some sense into Nerf Master Suck Town. If I advance, follow me. If I stop, urge me on. If I retreat, kill me. Cowardice?especially his covinous form of it?is. Why is The Twisted Fate Nerf increasing subservience to his monolithic engine of ethnocentrism? He says he's doing it for some worthy cause. In reality, The Twisted Fate Nerf is doing it because when it comes to his effusions, I indeed assert that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to stand together and denounce The Twisted Fate Nerf's views. The sooner we do that the better because the justification he gave for focusing too much on one side of the equation and not enough on the broader perspective of things was one of the most pigheaded justifications I've ever heard. Way to go, nerf master suck town. It was so pigheaded, in fact, that I will not repeat it here. Even without hearing the details you can still see my point quite clearly: I have observed that those who disagree with me on the next point tend to be unsophisticated and those who recognize the validity of the point to be more educated. The point is that I like to say that larcenous elitism is Nerf Master Suck Town's preferred quick-fix solution to complex cultural problems. He never directly acknowledges such truisms but instead tries to turn them around to make it sound like I'm saying that pharisaism is a be-all, end-all system that should be forcefully imposed upon us. I guess that version better fits nerf master suck town's style?or should I say, "agenda"? All will be cleared by the time of Riot's ill-advised decision.
© 2013 Riot Games, Inc. All rights reserved. Riot Games, League of Legends and PvP.net are trademarks, services marks, or registered trademarks of Riot Games, Inc.