UPDATE 8/14/12 The changes of Runeterra and Katarina's return, 10th down, 41st page.
UPDATE 6:17:12 - Life on Runeterra part 5, the Art Gallery, charity auction, modeling. 5th down on the 39th page.
UPDATE: 5:22:12 - Life on Runeterra part 4, post april fools day. 8th down on the 38th page.
UPDATE: 4:5:12 - Katarina's april fools day antics. April 1st special part 2. First on the 30th page.
UPDATE: 4:1:12 - April 1st special, part 1. 8th down on the 29th page.
UPDATE: 3:27:12 - Day one of a new life, 6th down on the 28th page.
UPDATE: 3:3:12 - Life on Runeterra part 3, 7th down on the 26th page.
UPDATE: 1:27:12 - Life on Runeterra part 2 + Morde es #1 Posted. 4th and 5th down on the 23rd page.
UPDATE: 1:19:12 - Prequel posted. Parts 1-4 are 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th down on the 22nd page.
UPDATE: 1:17:12 - Life on Runeterra part 1 posted. 10th down on the 21st page.
UPDATE 12:25 Holiday Special parts 1 and 2 posted. 6th and 7th post down on the 19th page.
UPDATE 12:18 - Hospital Chronicles Part 4 Posted. 8th down on the 17th page.
UPDATE 12:12 - Hospital Chronicles Part 3 Posted. 6th post down on the 16th page.
UPDATE: 12:11 - Hospital Chronicles Part 2 Posted. 2nd post down on the 16th page.
UPDATE: 12:10 - Hospital Chronicles Part 1 Posted. 6th post down on the 15th page.
UPDATE: 11/14 - Part 9 posted, 4th down on the 12th page.
UPDATE: 10/16 - Part 8 posted, 4th down on 9th page.
Introduction, background story, and the "technical" first post, located in this post, as well as part one of the story.
Part 2, located further down on the first page of this thread.
Part 3 of the morning sequence and part 4, gentleman cameo have both been edited in this morning. Part 5 will be posted when I get some time. Part 3 is closer to the bottom of the first page of this thread, part 4 gentleman cameo is on the 2nd page.
Part-4-night-sequence-end has been posted and is on the 5th page, 3rd post down.
UPDATE - 9/18 - Part 5 is on page 6, 5th post down.
UPDATE - 10/8 - Part 6 was edited into the post on page 6, 5th post down, and part 7 has been posted, and is the 9th post down on the 8th page.
UPDATE - 10/16 Part 8, posted on the 9th page, 4th post down.
Ooookay, so some of you may be familiar with This Thread. For those not - in summary, the thread was originally posted by someone who made a cross between Runeterra and Earth and suggested that many of the champions in the league in Runeterra would be locked in mental facilities if they were on Earth.
I made a rather lengthy response detailing that today's definition of "mentally unstable" varried from place to place, and I pointed out that things changed in our history and in other areas of the world (like how many other, much more vile and sadistic people exist in our world and remain outside of confines). My post was both very dark and serious, but also rather silly.
I've been conisdering making a series of clips from the daily lives of Runeterra champions if they suddenly moved to Earth for some time now, playing with the idea, but seeing my post be uprated much more than I expected sealed the deal for me that I should do it.
This is going to be a series of clips out of the daily, normal, ordinary lives of champions - and will be both very serious, and also somewhat of a romantic comedy, as relationships in reality so often can be!
Part of my argument in the original topic was stating that I wouldn't have issues with being friends with some of the people the poster labled as "in need of mental care", and I said that, assuming she's single, I'd date Katarina if she appeared on Earth in real life, and that I'd be happy to be friends with Vladimir, despite his issues. As such, I'm keeping the original pairing.
So I'm going to build off of my original post - pairing myself (Belthazor) with Katarina, Vladimir with Morgana (whom were paired together in my original example, though I may add in a Pantheon love triangle later) and I'm going to try pairing Garen with Kayle, since I think they'd make a good couple as well - that, and Garen is one of my favorite lore characters, so he needs a woman, not an Ezreal.
It will contain some serious stuff, some drama, some normal stuff, some satire, and some other random stuff. If ya don't like it, do us all a favor, and don't read it. = )
Hello everyone! Today, your overly-cheery narrator will take you on a journey to a world far far...
well... a PLACE IN THE WORLD far far...
...well, probably not in the same town. After the disasterous monopoly board-game "can't find the ten dollars" incident of the previous double-date, we find that our heroes Vladimir and Morgana went home, after Morgana angrily destroyed the monopoly board when she lost a blue square property to Katarina. Scrolling ahead several hours, her companion, Vladimir, is sound asleep in the wee hours of the morning, sleeping softly beside his lover...
Morgana: VLADIMIR!!! WAKE UP!! WAKE UP NOW!
Vladimir: ggguh? huh? wha? what's going on? what's wrong?
Morgana: I had a bad dream. I can't sleep.
Vladimir: ...so why did you wake me up?
Morgana: Well, if I can't sleep, you can't either.
Morgana: I need you to hold me so I can feel safe.
Vladimir: I... you... you can shoot stuff with your fingers! UGH..
Morgana: That's not the point.
Vladimir: <swats Morgana with his pillow>
Vladimir: I'm going back to sleep.
Morgana: If you do, you're not getting any cookies for a month.
Vladimir: You never share any with me anyway. You always give the extra ones to Katarina. Besides, you can just turn the light on.
Vladimir: <turns on the light, then pulls a pillow over his head>
Morgana: <angrily fires a black ball of energy at the light, blowing it to bits>
Morgana: Oh no Vlad, the lights are out and can't come back on! I need you to protect me.
Vladimir: GO. TO. SLEEP!
Morgana: Well FINE! I need chocolate.
Morgana: <gets out of bed and leaves the room>
Vladimir: <groans> must... get back to sleep... so tired.. so sleepy... mmm...
Vladimir: <Sighs contently> warm beaches.. small bikini-BWWWWAAAUUGGGHHH!!
Morgana: <sprays vladimir with an ice-cold sink hose>
Vladimir: AGAGAGAAAHHH!! <flailing>
Morgana: There. You can't get to sleep now. SO HOLD ME.
Vladimir: I THOUGHT YOU WENT TO GET CHOCOLATE!?
Morgana: I did. I also went to get some cold water for my sunnymuffins.
Vladimir: My name is Vladi-GAGGAHHH!!!
Morgana: <sprays vladimir with the hose>
Vladimir: My name IS VLAD-GAAAAAAH!!
Morgana: <sprays vladimir again>
Morgana: Sunnymuffins. Come on, SAY IT! What's your name, say your name!?
Morgana: <holding the hose threateningly> what's your name?
Sunnymuffins: my name is Sunnymuffins..
Morgana: I love you Sunnymuffins!!
Morgana: <she hugs her sunnymuffins and kisses him multiple times>
Sunnymuffins: <in a defeated tone> whyyy?
Morgana: You wouldn't hold me. So I reminded you that you're my sunnymuffins and you love me. So now, you'll know to hold me next time.
Morgana: <gets back in bed with her sunnymuffins and snuggles up against him>
Morgana: NOW HOLD ME!
Kayle: *yawwwn* *stretch*
Garen: Good morning, angel.
Kayle: If you make any more puns about my wings, I'm going to stab you in the forehead.
Garen: <frowns> I always call you angel.
Kayle: Yeah, but I'm going to take it the wrong way this time.
Kayle: you can make it up to me, you know...
Garen: Oh, How?
Kayle: mmm... pancakes?
Garen: With chocolate or strawberries?
Kayle: You know I hate chocolate!! I want strawberries.
Garen: alright, you just wait here and snooze for a little bit.
~~~~~~<approximately 15 minutes later>~~~~~~~
Garen: I'm back! With strawberries.
Kayle: Ooo! Gimmie!!
Garen: <carries the trey over to the bed, and places it beside Kayle, then gently kisses her cheek, followed by picking up a strawberry, and pressing it gently into her mouth>
Kayle: <playfully grabs Garen and pulls him onto the bed, and they share the meal together>
Kayle: This is almost a perfect morning...
Garen: <moves the finished tray to the bedside table>
Garen: What would make it better?
Kayle: mmm... I can think of a few things you can do for me...
Garen: OHHH NO! I'm expected somewhere in twenty minutes. I need to get ready to go, I need to get dressed.. that's not enough time, I - wait!!
Kayle: <grabs Garen and pulls him back down>
Kayle: You're not going anywhere untill I'm happy.
Garen: But I...
-----I'm pretty sure I'd get in trouble if I included the rest of this scene in the forum post-----
~~~<approximately 10 minutes later>~~~
Veronica: *answering phone* You've reached the-
Phone: hey Veronica, it's Garen. Listen, I need you to tell the saturday morning fencing class that today's lesson is being canceled. I might be in for the afternoon class, though. Maybe.
Veronica: what, why? you've had me cancel three classes in a row.
Phone: <background> GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES! <whiplash sound> DOWN!
Veronica: Nevermind. <hangs up>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile, on the other side of town~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alarm Clock: beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! beep! bee-CRUNCH
Katarina: <picks up a knife from the bedside table and throws it across the room, landing it squarely into the alarm clock, knocking it off the table, onto the floor, where it promptly breaks into several pieces>
Belthazor: You know, the reason I put those things on the other side of the room, away from the bed, is so that you'd stop stabbing them.
Katarina: It was an accident.
Belthazor: Throwing a knife across the room?
Katarina: Yes. Don't you believe me?
Belthazor: oh, don't even... sad puppy eyes will NOT work on me.
Katarina: <sad puppy eyes>
Belthazor: Well maybe just this once...
Belthazor: But, no. uh-uh. nope. not going to work.
Katarina: <fake tears>
Belthazor: You know that I know those are fake.
Katarina: Yeah. But you love me anyway.
Belthazor: True. <gently wraps one arm around her, and kisses her>
Katarina: Mm... besides, now we can sleep in with that annoying contraption out of the way.
Belthazor: Also true... <gently moves his hand up and down her side, holding her close>
Belthazor: *yawn* time to sleep in?
Katarina: For now... mmm.. <she purrs>
Belthazor: Later, we'll have an entire morning all to ourselves...
Katarina: with no one expecting us anywhere...
Belthazor: no demands...
<Katarina and Belthazor look into eachother's eyes>
Katarina: We'll talk about that later. You're not getting off the hook that easy.
Belthazor: but for now...
Katarina and Belthazor: Sleep in.
~~~~~~~They both go back to sleep, contently dozing off together~~~~~~~
~~~~~Part 2 - boring morning routines and lazy saturday afternoons, has been posted below~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~Part 2: boring morning routines and lazy saturday afternoons~~~~~~~~
Hello again! Your overly cheery narrator starts our morning off visiting the now out-of-bed, but still sleepy looking, Katarina and Belthazor...
Belthazor: <opens the refrigerator and pulls out some milk, then walks over to a cabinet and pulls out a bag of white stuff and a brown-black-ish container of some sort, then starts creating some alchemist's mixture>
Katarina: What is that?
Belthazor: Chocolate milk.
Katarina: Is it to poison someone?
Belthazor: No, it's to drink. It tastes good.
Katarina: So what're these? <holding up the bag of white stuff>
Belthazor: Those are marshmellows. Sometimes you put them ontop of the chocolate milk, or on ice cream.
Katarina: <opens the bag and eats a marshmellow>
Katarina: Ooo! Yummy.
Belthazor: Sometimes I forget you've only been on the planet for a short time.
Belthazor: <turns his attention to the "chocolate milk" mixture, stirring it vigorously. This is probably because both elements are poisonous when not combined properly>
Belthazor: There's so much to show you. Where to begin...
Belthazor: <finishes the stirring and turns to Katarina>
Katarina: <nibbling on marshmellows> Mmmp?
Belthazor: I need the marshmellow bag.
Katarina: MMP!! <moves the marshmellow bag behind her back>
Belthazor: Give it to me.
Katarina: <grabs a small group of marshmellows and devours the helpless creatures, feeding off their wholesale mass slaughter, and the destruction of the tiny cultures in each bite>
Katarina: Nope! Mine! I like marshmellows. <holds the bag above her head>
Belthazor: I'm taller than you. That only works on those kids you keep stealing candy from. You don't even eat the candy after you steal it. You just like watching kids cry.
Belthazor: <reaches to snatch the bag of marshmellows, immediately noticing a quarter of the bag is missing>
Belthazor: ...how many of those did you eat?
Katarina: A few.
Belthazor: You shouldn't have so many.
Katarina: Oh yeah? Are you going to stop me? Are you going to punish me??
Belthazor: Really, it's not healthy to -
Katarina: If you want your precious marshmellows back, you'll have to catch me!
Katarina: <Immediately runs off out of the kitchen>
Belthazor: ...here we go...
<cue benny hill theme>
<cue chase montage, leading from the kitchen to the bedroom, onto the bed, a brief wrestling session, Belthazor being hit in the face with a pillow, followed by chasing Katarina out of the bedroom, down the hallway, out into the back yard, multiple circles around a shrubbery, back into the house, into the living room, around the recently-replaced lamp-post, up and over the couch (where Belthazor was again smacked with a pillow), down the hallway, and back into the bedroom>
Belthazor: <Enters the bedroom to find Katarina holding her knife, the same one used to slay the innocent alarm clock not hours before, up to the underside of the bag of marshmellows>
Katarina: Don't come any closer, or I'll kill the hostages!
Belthazor: You're going to kill all of them anyway.
Katarina: I'm a bad person.
Belthazor: Yes you are.
Katarina: And you love me for it.
Belthazor: <coming closer to Katarina>
Belthazor: Yes, I do.
Belthazor: <gently places his hand on Katarina's forearm, pushing her arm down to her side, and making her let go of the knife, dropping it to the floor, then kisses her>
Katarina: <closes her eyes and purrs softly>
Belthazor: <shoves Katarina onto the bed and smacks her with a pillow repeatedly>
Belthazor: HAH! That's for earlier.
Katarina: YOU MONSTER! <grabs a nearby pillow as and uses the defenseless creature as a shield, then tosses it at Belthazor>
~~~~~Approximately 10 minutes later after a wrestling match that involved a large sum of tickling, each pinning the other down to the bed and beating said other with a pillow, some kissing, and a blatant disregard for the well-being of the innocent pillows who were unfortunate enough to be at the wrong place at the wrong time~~~~~
Katarina: Woah... I feel tired suddenly...
Belthazor: Well, that's what you get. I told you all those marshmellows were too much sugar. You had a sugar-high. And now the high has worn off.
Katarina: You could've warned me!
Belthazor: I did.
Katarina: You could've stopped me!
Belthazor: ...I tried to. Honestly.
Katarina: This is all your fault.
Belthazor: Right. It's also my fault that the sky is blue. Did I mention that? I am secretly an evil villain bent on world domination via controlling the weather. I'm going to say lots of bad puns and wear impractical spandex outfits. I will rule this world, one climate change at a time...
Katarina: <expends all her remaining energy to chuck a helpless pillow at the Evil Doctor Belthazor, in a final attempt to halt his diobolical plan - hitting him squarely in the kneecap>
Belthazor: <falls on his back, exhausted, next to Katarina - though more exhausted from keeping up with such an agile opponent than from sugar withdrawal>
Katarina: You know what I'm thinking?
Belthazor: Hot bath... long, hot, relaxing bath..
Belthazor: Mmhm. I'll get it started.
~~~~<three minutes later>~~~~
Belthazor: <returns to the bedroom and picks up Katarina, one arm under her knees, one behind her back, and carries her off to the bathroom, where he gently places her in the warm water, and they enjoy a nice, warm, relaxing bath together>
~~~~~The two spend the following hour half-asleep in a warm bath, with lots of bubbles~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~meanwhile, across town~~~~~~~~~~~~
Garen, after his "interesting" morning, has finally arrived at work - his co-instructor, Kayle, following closely behind him, looking happier than normal.
Garen: <enters the workplace, limping and visibly tired>
Veronica: Ahh, you're here finally. You're just in-time for the final ten minutes of the fencing class you're supposed to be teaching.
Garen: Do you remember what I was going to teach today?
Veronica: I'm a secritary. That's not my job.
Kayle: <cheerfully humming> My lil' pony, apocalypse pony, punish mankind for their siiiins!
Garen: But I thought a secritary's job was to know everything that's going on at any time.
Veronica: It is.
Garen: I'm confused.
Veronica: Get used to it.
<Garen enters the room where his fencing class is waiting for him, remembering what he was going to cover when he noticed the marks on the squeaky-board - "Saturday, we'll be covering proper swordfighting techniques, when surrounded by multiple targets">
Garen: Good morning class!
Class: Good morning Mr.Garen.
Garen: Today, we're going to be covering how to rapidly hit multiple targets. You have to spin - that's right class, and if you can spin fast enough without getting dizzy, you will hurt your targets more than they can hurt you - spin to win. Now, you have to -
Kayle: Crush your enemy's spirit and make them do anything for you, to serve you and be obedient, under the designer-heels of your law.
Random Student 1: But... that sounds kinda..
Kayle: It works. Trust me.
Random Student 2: What's with the wings?
Kayle: I'm an angel, and if you ask again, I'm going to send you to hell and char your corpse beyond recognition.
Random Student 2: ...oookay then. <mumbles something about angels and unexpected mannerisms>
Garen: Okay, class, who here would like to help me demonstrate the spinning tactic?
<Random Student 1 and Random Student 2 immediately step back, and shove Random Student 3 forward>
Garen: Thank you for volunteering! Now, I want you to hold this sword, and spin without getting dizzy.
Random Student 3: What does this have to do with fencing?
Garen: Quite a bit. This is a tactic I use in the league all the time to hit multiple targets.
Random Student 3: Like?
Garen: JUST SPIN!
<random student 3 immediately spins multiple times, knocking over a chair, Random Student 1, then falling down onto the floor, but not managing to get within a foot of Garen or Kayle>
Garen: ...Good start... if your goal is to defeat a squirrel in honorable combat.
Garen: Oh, we're all out of time for today.
Kayle: <waits untill all the students have left the room>
Kayle: So I was doing a little research, and I found this job I'm interested in.
Kayle: "Professional dominatrix." It's apparently a job where I can discipline people who are repentant and feel guilty of their crimes... at least, I think that's what it means. The wording was a little confusing. This world has some strange terminology. But I think it would be a great fit for me.
Garen: <stares blankly at Kayle>
Garen: That's not... exactly what a dominatrix does...
Kayle: What, don't think I'd be good at it?
Garen: That's not what I meant...
Kayle: I'll go ask Veronica.
Garen: No, no no that's not needed.
Kayle: <frowns at Garen>
~~~~~<fade to black>~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile, Across Town~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morgana: Sunnymuffins, I need to go to the store. Will you check the cookies in a few minutes while I am gone?
<Sunnymuffins is still laying in bed, after having a night that wasn't all that restful, in stark contrast to Morgana, whom seemed to be very well-rested>
Morgana: I'll take that as a yes. Back soon!
Morgana: <leaves the building>
Vladimir: <gets up and out of bed, moving to the bathroom, to shave>
Vladimir: <while shaving, notices a small fly buzzing around>
Vladimir: No.. I didn't sleep at all last night...
Vladimir: You.. you came here to mock me.
Vladimir: Hold still.. you'll regret intruding here, you disgusting creature!
<Vladimir retreats from the bathroom, only to return minutes later, after frantic searching for the flyswatter>
Vladimir: Come out come out, wherever you are...
Vladimir: I know you're in here somewhere...
Vladimir: ...I'll find you.. and when I do..
<several minutes worth of low-toned one-liners and searching for the elusive insect later>
Vladimir: ahh... there you are... yes, you sit there, content.. not a care in the world.. just to make people's lives more difficult, like the dirty creature you are.. Hold still... for just a few more seconds..
<ominous murder music plays as Vladimir creeps up on the fly>
Vladimir: DIE!!! <Vladimir brings down punishment from above onto the fly for its sins against humanity>
<a door elsewhere in the building opens loudly>
Morgana: I'm back! Did you check the cookies like I asked?
Vladimir: <freezes in place, thinking "oh no..">
Vladimir: <thinking> What to do, what to do, what to do, think, think, THINK... Well... I could just be honest with her and tell her I forgot or that I got distracted.. I'm sure she'd understand, she hates flies too.
Vladimir: <yelling to Morgana> Yes I did dear, I thought they needed more time.
Morgana: Okay. I'll even share them with you this time.
Vladimir: <feeling guilty> Thanks, honey.
Morgana: Oh it's alright, you're my Sunnymuffins. I know you'd always treat me perfectly and never do anything to lie to me or hurt me.
Morgana: <goes into the kitchen>
Vladimir: <feeling very guilty> I love you too!
Morgana: Oh Sunnymuffins.. would you come here please...
Vladimir: <goes into the kitchen>
Morgana: So Sunnymuffins... how much extra time did you give the cookies?
Vladimir: ...a few more minutes?
Morgana: Really... so what is THIS!?
Morgana: <Points at a trey of ordinary-looking cookies>
Vladimir: <thinking> oh, they didn't burn. Thank heaven.
Morgana: WELL!? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!?!
Vladimir: ...what's wrong with them?
Morgana: They're golden and brown. You know I like them brown and golden!
Vladimir: What's the dif-
Morgana: YOU RUINED THEM!!!
Vladimir: What did I-
Morgana: SHUSH! I'M MAD AT YOU!
Vladimir: <leaves the room, not knowing what he did or what the difference between "brown and golden" and "golden and brown" cookies is>
Morgana: <after Vladimir leaves, she picks up a cookie and promptly takes a large bite out of it>
Morgana: <thinking aloud> Men.. so fun to toy with.
~~~~~FIN - Stay tuned for part 3, saturday afternoon activities~~~~~
PART THREE - Posted. Finally.
Hello Everyone! Once again, I, the overly cheery narrator, have arrived despite being attacked by a giant raccoon. Once again, we join out heroes as they are focused, hard at work, mentally preparing, trying to build a future for -
Morgana: <packaging up her golden-and-brown chocolate chip cookies>
Morgana: *pondering* I think I should try oatmeal rasin next time. This world has so many interesting recipies!
Morgana: <yelling> Sunnymuffins! It's time to go! We need to meet Katarina and Belthazor!
Vladimir: <yelling> Coming! Coming!
Vladimir: <enters the living room with a comb still in hand>
Morgana: You're even more picky about your hair than I am.
Vladimir: But my hair has to look nice.
Morgana: We're only running errands and then meeting Kat and Bel. It looks fine.
Vladimir: But -
Morgana: No. Give me the comb. It's going in my purse untill we're home.
Vladimir: <grudgingly hands his comb over to Morgana>
Morgana: That's better. Now let's go!
~~~~~~Meanwhile, across town~~~~~~
Katarina and Belthazor have finished both their bath and the lengthy ritual of washing Katarina's hair, have already dressed, and are getting ready to walk out the door.
Belthazor: Ok, your class lecture, then we'll meet Vlad and Morgana. I've got both boxes.
Katarina: Great! I'll drive! <she says as she snatches Belthazor's car keys out of his hand>
Belthazor: Oh, no, no, no, NO, NO!
Katarina: <frowning> what?
Belthazor: I am NOT letting YOU drive.
Belthazor: Well, you don't have a license, for one thing.
Katarina: But I have a permit! And you will be in the car with me!
Belthazor: You are SUPPOSED to have more practice hours, since, you know, you failed your driver's test.
Katarina: That's not my fault.
Belthazor: You ran four stoplights, broke two stopsigns, and hit three people while asking the instructor how many bonus points on the exam you would get for the people you hit... then hospitalized him when he told you that you didn't pass.
Belthazor: You know that packet of driving rules I gave you? The one you havn't opened? You were supposed to read it.
Katarina: <frowning> You drive a Volvo. You kept telling me you got it because it's sturdy. Isn't that the point?
Belthazor: <snatching his keys back> You're lucky you have diplomatic immunity. If I did that, I'd be in prison.
Katarina: Your world is confusing. I thought you got bonus points for hitting people and not crashing.
Belthazor: Where did you hear that? Did you finally figure out how to watch TV?
Katarina: No, I guessed the password on your computer.
Katarina: You probably shouldn't name passwords after someone you're dating, by the way.
Katarina: I thought I would score higher if I hit more people. I won't do it this time, I promise. At least not much.
Belthazor: Did you notice that I've never hit anyone while driving?
Katarina: Oh, I just thought you were being cautious because you care about me and want to keep me safe. I thought it was because you love me. You love me, right?
Belthazor: Of course.
Katarina: So... <reaching for the keys> give me another chance?
Belthazor: ...You're not driving my car.
Katarina: FINE!! <pouts>
Katarina: <storms out the door>
Katarina: <yelling> You can carry the boxes all by yourself! I'm not helping!
Belthazor: <yelling> THEY'RE NOT HEAVY!
<90 seconds later>
Belthazor: <closes the car's trunk, after placing two boxes inside>
Katarina: I could just stab you and take the keys, you know.
Katarina: I'd get away with it, too. May I have the keys? Give me the keys!
Belthazor: GO IN THE CAR!
Katarina: <gets into the car and honks the car horn repeatedly until Belthazor opens the driver-side door>
Belthazor: <sits down in the driver's seat of his car, and closes the door>
Katarina: <moves to the passenger seat, her arms folded, pouting>
Katarina: It's all your fault for having an emulator of crash team racing on your computer.
Belthazor: How is that my fault? You didn't read all the driving rules. Or any of them. I even gave you a list.
Katarina: You know I can't read your planet's languadge!
Belthazor: So how'd you guess the password on my computer?
Katarina: ...I'm not talking to you.
Belthazor: Real good response. That's totally convincing.
Katarina: <Sticks her tongue out, then continues pouting>
Morgana: VLADIMIR! ASK FOR DIRECTIONS!
Vladimir: We don't need directions.
Morgana: We're lost.
Vladimir: It's only a 10 minute drive! How can we be lost?
Morgana: We're totally lost because you wouldn't ask for directions.
Vladimir: I USED THE MAP THINGY!
Morgana: What map thingy?
Vladimir: This car has this little screen thingy that tells me where I need to go.
Vladimir: <points at his smartcar smartscreen of smarty-smartness>
Morgana: Oh. Well how do you know it's right?
Morgana: Pull over and let me drive.
Vladimir: You and Katarina both failed your driver exams.
Morgana: I didn't fail mine! Only Katarina did!
Vladimir: You blew up the car when you couldn't fit into the driver's seat because of your wings.
Morgana: ...manufacturer error. No angelic being support.
Vladimir: ...you fit in the passenger seat if we scroll the chair back. You're lucky you don't have to sit in the back.
Morgana: Did you just call me -
Morgana: How come you MEN get to drive?
Vladimir: Because we didn't kill people or break things?
Morgana: I think it's a bias problem.
Vladimir: You broke Belthazor's lamp last night, and our bedroom ceiling light early this morning.
Morgana: That was YOUR fault.
Morgana: YOU DIDN'T HOLD ME!
Vladimir: Whatabout Belthazor's lamp?
Morgana: He wanted to replace it anyway.
Vladimir: ...right. So if I ask him if he wanted the lamp replaced, he'll say yes.
Vladimir: Howabout I call him right now, where you can't throw black energy balls at him?
Morgana: It's illegal to talk on your phone while driving! Don't you dare! I'll hurt you.
~~~~at a local sports club, 15 minutes later~~~~
Belthazor has successfully driven Katarina to the women's self defense class that she instructs, without running over anyone - despire numerous attempts by Katarina to grab the steering wheel when near intersections, and a "BONUS POINTS!" shout on her part when driving by an elderly lady whom was crossing the street.
Belthazor: Okay, we're here. I'm going to go to the snack bar and get something to eat.
Katarina: Bring me something too, and make sure you sit in for my lecture, I think you'll find it interesting.
Belthazor: I have to sit in for them anyway just so you're allowed to give them, remember what happened last week?
Katarina: Hey, no one told -me- that there were unfair limits placed on what I'm allowed to teach a class.
Belthazor: I'll bring you a snack. But we'll want to save room for dinner later.
~~~three minutes later~~~
Katarina has started giving a lecture to a small group of women, and Belthazor enters the room with two muffins, a newspaper, and a bottle of water; he hands one of the muffins to Katarina, kisses her cheek, then sits in the corner of the room on an unfolded collapseable chair and begins to pretend to read the newspaper - though he is actually just looking at the comics section.
Katarina: So anyway, class, today we are not going to cover advanced poisons like I planned, apparently there's some rules about teaching people these things, so I had to come up with something else.
Katarina: <taking a bite out of her blueberry muffin> I didn't really have anything planned, but I came up with the perfect topic on the way here, so class won't have to be canceled today.
Katarina: <turning to look at Belthazor, and raising her voice> We're going to talk about what happens to mean boyfriends when they're not nice to their women.
Katarina: <louder than before> Specifically, we're going to talk about how to kill them painfully.
Belthazor: <lowers the paper and glares at Katarina, before pulling it up past his nose and blocking eye contact>
Katarina: We're also going to be covering torture, and how easy it is to get rid of their bodies.
Belthazor: <clears his throat loudly>
Katarina: What? That's not allowed?
Belthazor: Not the part for getting rid of bodies.
Katarina: SERIOUSLY!? What -am- I allowed to teach?
Vladimir and Morgana have just arrived at a large building and gone inside.
Morgana: Vladimir! Come!
Vladimir: Why are we here anyway?
Morgana: We're going to pick up Bel and Kat's package, because Kat's at work.
Vladimir: Can't Belthazor pick it up while she's at work?
Morgana: No point, we're closer... that, and Katarina would probably stab him for not listening to her lectures; and I think that he has to sit in for them now anyway after she got in trouble.
Vladimir: Oh yeah! The driving instructor she took to the class and stabbed.
Morgana: I thought it was about poisons?
Vladimir: Maybe she poisoned the knives she stabbed him with?
Morgana: <shrugs> Whatever.
Jimmy: Hey there, welcome to Jimmy's package storage. What can I do for you?
Morgana: We're here to pick up a package for Belthazor.
Jimmy: Alright, I'll just need to see your I.D.
<Morgana and Vladimir stare at Jimmy blankly>
Jimmy: Your identification, it's company policy.
Vladimir: Umm... isn't that... kinda obvious?
Jimmy: No I.D., no package.
Vladimir: Umm, how could you not know who we are?
Jimmy: Do you not have an identification card or driver's license?
Vladimir: I have a driver's license!
Jimmy: Okay, what about her? <points at Morgana>
Morgana: I don't have a driver's license...
Jimmy: Ohh, that's too bad. I can't give the package to you, ma'am.
Morgana: Why not?
Jimmy: I have no way of identifying you.
<Morgana stares at Jimmy blankly>
Morgana: ...I have wings?
Jimmy: <shakes his head> the rules are the same for everybody. No I.D., no package.
Vladimir: Here's my driver's license! Can you give it to me?
Jimmy: You bet! Sign here, sir. <hands Vladimir a pen and a piece of paper>
Morgana: May I have the box? Give me the box!
Jimmy: I can't.
Morgana: You're going to give the package to -ME-.
Jimmy: But I have no way to identify -
Morgana: I HAVE WINGS! MY EYES GLOW! MY SKIN IS PURPLE!
Jimmy: You could be a cosplayer.
Morgana: <flapping her wings angrily and charging a ball of energy>
Jimmy: <folds his arms> No I.D., no package. Did you notice the sign outside of my store that said "freely give away people's packages storage"?
Jimmy: You can't have noticed the sign because it's not there. I don't give away packages without I.D.
Vladimir: Okay, I signed the form. Let's go.
Jimmy: Alright, have a nice day.
Morgana: NO!! I want you to give me that package.
Vladimir: <holds out the package to hand to Morgana>
Morgana: NOT YOU! HIM! <pointing at Jimmy>
Vladimir: Watch your temper, dear.
Morgana: My temper? MY TEMPER!? He wouldn't give me the box!
Vladimir: Honey, remember Belthazor's lamp.
Morgana: GRRRRRR!! <snatches the box from Vladimir and storms out of the building>
~~Stay tuned for part 4! Cameo by an extraordinary gentleman of the league, and the evening segment!~~
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