Khawlah, Icathia Unrelenting
Khawlah is a tall figure, draped from head to toe in a long, torn cloak. Her entire face, aside from her eyes, which glow with a barely contained fury, is covered. She is armed with an enormous two-handed scimitar that she carries on her back, and that has been stained black by the blood of countless Voidborn.
Khawlah is meant to be an AD caster who can focus on rapidly slaying a single target or sowing destruction in an AoE. Her skills give her the option to build either pure damage, or take a tankier route, and her innate gives her the means to jungle effectively if she wishes to do so.
Hailing from the once great city of Icathia, Khawlah’s tireless work, and her seemingly limitless willpower had provided her with the means to rise up, and become the greatest warrior her era had ever seen. In her mind, no challenge was insurmountable, no task too great. This unbreakable determination had allowed Khawlah to exceed the limits of both mortal strength and endurance, turning her into an unstoppable force whose very name sowed fear and chaos into the armies who so foolishly dared to threaten her City.
Icathia’s ruling caste had been quick to notice her skill, and had shrewdly placed her at the forefront of the constant battles that raged with their neighbours. Her successes were rewarded with gifts of immense wealth, and with powerful enchantments that drew in the lifeforce of her foes, prolonging her own life. Alas, it was because of these constant military campaigns that she had failed to see a dark rot take hold of her beloved city. In her absence, the Void corrupted Icathia, and the city’s daily functions were completely replaced by an obsession to build twisted idols in honour of dark and horrific gods. Cruel rituals and sacrifices became the norm, as the city consumed itself from within, siphoning its life force for a nefarious purpose. The city Khawlah’s army returned to was not the one they had known. Surrounded by alien idols, the soldiers were bombarded by voices that warped their minds and compelled them to march obligingly towards the city’s center, joining a sacrificial ritual of terrifying proportions. The ground began to shake as more and more of Icathia tossed aside its life, and the buildings warped into geometrically impossible shapes, as if they had become mirages. Torn between Valoran and the Void, Icathia’s inhabitants were cast into the abyss, where hordes of Voidborn had eagerly awaited to feast upon them.
Beset on all sides by monsters they had gladly welcomed, the Icathians fell by the thousands. Only Khawlah had resisted the voices; only Khawlah stood and fought. One against millions ought to have been a short and brutally one-sided affair, but strength of will carried Khawlah onwards. Both Monstrosities the size of mountains and innumerable hordes of skittering horrors fell beneath her blade as neither side relented. In a realm where day and night are melded together into an unending twilight, she fought without ever a moment’s rest, sustained by a willpower that was finally reaching its limits, and enchantments that were denying her an end to her torment, until finally a light appeared. Her hope renewed, she charged forwards, cutting anything foolish enough to stand in her path. She dove into the shining beacon, and found herself stumbling through the room of a surprised summoner whose experiment had yielded a most unexpected result. Tired and free at last of the Void, Khawlah slept for the first time since her city had fallen, unaware that what awaited her was yet another imprisonment on the fields of justice, by summoners who would stop at nothing to learn all they could of both Icathia and the Void.
- Willpower triumphs over everything.
Lore analysis 4/5 I generally don't give many fours on lore and I rarely give 5's so be proud. I found your lore well written with only a few minor things that could be written in another fashion that would better captivate the reader. I felt that at times it was drawn out and a tad lengthy but you still kept it together and maintained a momentum in your tone that allowed for interest to be kept in the story. I think what your story lacks is character motivation, I think that the reader doesn't get to see too far into why our character acts in this fashion, I understand there is a brief explanation at the beginning but I would have loved to have seen what drove her in her final battle. Of course you are able to deduce why but I really feel you could have made her final stand seem more iconic for the reader establishing purely how despite the fact her people had died to the montrosities she still felt compelled to fight for her land and country.
Stats are organized in the the following manner: Base Stats + Per Level Stats -> Level 1 Stats -> Level 18 Stats
Health: 440 +90 -> 530 -> 2060
Health Regen: 5 + 0.8 -> 5.8 -> 19.4
Mana: 220 + 40 -> 260 -> 940
Mana Regen: 7.25 + 0.65 -> 7.9 -> 18.95
Range: 150 (It's a really big scimitar)
Attack Damage: 53.6 + (3.3) -> 56.9 -> 113
Attack Speed: 0.665 + 3.2%
Armor: 16 + 3.5 -> 19.5 -> 89
Magic Resist: 30 + 1.25 -> 31.25 -> 52.5
Move Speed: 345
seem relatively balanced 5/5
*Note: Swarm Slayer/Hulk Hunter is automatically available at level 1, in addition to the skill that she can normally choose to learn.
Innate: Unbending Will – A warrior without equal, Khawlah’s sheer strength of will, and the enchantments bestowed upon her by Icathia's long dead rulers have effectively granted her immortality.
okay that has me worried :S
Passive: Khawlah gains additional Health Regen per 5 equal to a percentage of the damage she both receives and deals(post-mitigation). Upgrades at levels 7/13.
Health Regen per 5 gained from Damage Dealt: 10%
Health Regen per 5 gained from Damage Received: 8/14/20% of damage received
Note: This ability can stack indefinitely, but each instance has a duration of its own. Receiving/Dealing multiple instances of damage over 5 seconds will not renew the duration of previously applied instances.
For Example: If a level 1 Khawlah is dealt 50 damage, she will heal 8% of that (4 health) over the next 5 seconds. Being dealt a further 50 damage one second later will cause her to heal a further 4 health, but will not renew the duration of the first instance. This means that her bonus health regen over the 6 seconds it is active in the example above would be as follows: 0.8hp, 1.6hp, 1.6hp, 1.6hp, 1.6hp, 0.8hp.
Okay I understand how this works; however, based on how it is written this ability APPEARS overpowered. It technically isn't overpowered because you are giving her a percent of the damage and allotting it to her as health regen over a period of time. So it is not 4 hp for 50 damage per 5 secs but rather 4 hp over 5 sec. At least this is what I am hoping for. If not this is way too overpowered considering damage can be anywhere from your 50 up to 2000+. This would be giving her an indefinate stacking buff that gives her 200 health regen per 5 secs. That is rediculous. It never stops occuring based on this line of usage and the amount healing is tremendous. 3/5 quite possibly overpowered and very unclear.
Ability (Q): Devastate/ Eviscerate: Doesn't matter how many foes there are, or how big they might be; it's always better to get rid of them quickly.
Active – Devastate: Lunges forward after a 0.25 second delay, and deals damage in a 240 degree AoE around her. Damage dealt increases by 10% for each enemy caught within the strike, to a max of +50%.
Lunge Distance: 200
Damage AoE: 350
Initial Damage: 20/40/60/80/100 + (Total AD*0.8)
Maximum Damage: 30/60/90/120/150 + (Total AD*1.2)
Mana Cost: 60/65/70/75/80 mana
Cooldown: 10/9/8/7/6 seconds
Active – Eviscerate: Damages target enemy, causing them to bleed over time. Bleed damage increases by 1% for each 1% max health the target is missing.
Cast Range: 250
Initial Damage: 10/25/40/55/70 + (Total AD*1)
Bleed Duration: 3 seconds
Bleed Damage (Over Duration): 15/20/25/30/35 + (Bonus AD*0.4)
Mana Cost: 50 mana
Cooldown: 5 seconds
seems relatively balanced and the second ability is low enough that the 1% will never become tremendously overpowered. I am only slightly concerned about the AD ratios involved. I feel that they are far too high. 4/5
Ability (W): Hinder/Onslaught: Being able to dictate the terms of the engagements is a necessity, especially if your opponents outnumber you a few million to one.
Active – Hinder: Khawlah strikes at her surrounding opponent’s feet, damaging and slowing them.
Damage: 50/75/100/125/150 + (Bonus AD*0.6)
Slow Duration: 2 seconds
Slow Amount: 30/35/40/45/50 %
Mana Cost: 50
Cooldown: 12/11/10/9/8 seconds
Active – Onslaught: Khawlah charges towards target direction. She will stop and Immobilize the first enemy champion or neutral monster struck, gaining additional attack speed for 3 seconds.
Maximum Dash Distance: 650
Immobilize Duration: 1 second
Attack Speed Increase: +40/60/80/100/120 %
Mana Cost: 80 mana
Cooldown: 12/11/10/9/8 seconds
Well you don't mention whether or not this goes through terrain so I am wondering about utility here, and if it can you should probably increase the cooldown a little bit due to the escape mechanism; however, this is probably balanced within the ultimate ability 4/5
Ability (E): Swarm Slayer/Hulk Hunter – The Void’s inhabitants vary from towering monstrosities to slithering hordes, and Khawlah has adapted her techniques to take any challenge head on.
Active: Alternates between the Swarm Slayer and the Hulk Hunter forms. Both forms grant Khawlah a powerful passive that affects her auto attacks, and her Ultimate, and grant her different Q and W abilities.
Cooldown: 4 seconds
Passive – Swarm Slayer: Khawlah’s gains additional attack damage, and her attacks deal damage in an AoE around the primary target. Allows her to cast Devastate, and Hinder.
Bonus Damage: +5/8/11/14/17/20
AoE Damage: 25/33/41/49/57/65%
Passive – Hulk Hunter: Khawlah’s gains additional attack damage, and her attacks inflict a stacking debuff that decreases her enemy’s armor. Allows her to cast both Overwhelm and Onslaught. Stacks up to 3 times.
Bonus Attack Damage: +5/8/11/14/17/20
Armor Debuff: - 4/5/6/7/8/9 armor per stack
Debuff Duration: 2.5 seconds
Well it is quite interesting to see a new way of having an ability changing person, usually it is their ultimate and the fact that you allowed for her to have a unique ultimate is something I believe a lot of players really would like to see out of Jayce, Elise, Nidalee type champions. This ability does a lot but it also does not have a major active so primarily it is just a passive that you can toggle. So I find this ability generally acceptable I think the amounts of splash damage is excessive however due to making tiamat completely useless as well as kayle :P. Interesting ability overall 4/5 but i would definitely like to see an improved form in game.
Ultimate: Overwhelm – Endless war against monstrosities many times her own size has given Khawlah little choice other than to learn how to quickly, and efficiently dispatch the worst the Voidborn have to offer.
Active: Khawlah inflicts a powerful blow on target enemy that inflicts physical damage and slows them. The Swarm Slayer form deals physical damage in an AoE, while the Hulk Hunter form increases physical damage dealt based on the target’s max Health.
Base Damage: (Total AD*1.5) + 10/15/20% target’s max Health
Slow Duration: 1.5 seconds
Slow Amount: 60%
Swarm Slayer AoE: 350
Swarm Slayer Secondary Target Damage: (Total AD*0.75) + 6/9/12% target’s max Health
Hulk Hunter Damage Increase: + 1% target’s max health per 250/225/200 max health target has
Mana Cost: 100 mana
Cooldown: 110/90/70 seconds
Well this seems actually rather difficult to determine. And frankly it is stuff like this that makes me hate percentile abilities and abilities that use stuff like AD as the base. There is so much variance involved here but I don't see this becoming majorly overpowered on the base level just due to max damage not being excessively high for tanky champions. My only concern here is the amount of stuff this does afterwords. The secondary effects seem quite disasterous and concern me. Plus I think the hul hunter damage increase is a little confusing to understand at first I think you should clarify it. 3/5
Surviving the End: Who better to survive the apocalypse than someone who has already lived through it? Khawlah is the sole surviving Icathian, cast into the Void when her city was consumed. She has endured an eternity in what could only be considered a living hell, and although you would hardly consider her unscathed, she has nonetheless managed to maintain her sanity (well.. most of it).
Scavengers: There are three possible ways that Khawlah could fulfill this requirement; Her Innate (Unbending Will) grants her increased health regeneration when enemies attack her or she attacks them, her R (Eviscerate) deals increased damage based on the enemy's max health, and her Q (Devastate) increases the damage it deals based on the number of enemes struck.
Adaptation: Khawlah fulfills this requirement through her E (Swarm Slayer/Hulk Hunter), which has her alternate between a form that excels at dealing AoE damage, and a form that excels at single target damage by changing her Q (which alternates between Devastate and Eviscerate), her W (which alternates between Hinder and Onslaught), and by granting her R (Overwhlem) an additional effect (either AoE damage or increased single target damage).
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