[Champion Concept] Gabriel, the Scrap Animator

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deusexeesti

Senior Member

09-17-2012

I think the W should be a weaker version of the R and make the R a toggle like Nidalee and give more options. Make him more interesting.


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Shrouded Snake

Senior Member

09-17-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by ALGSA777 View Post
I think the W should be a weaker version of the R and make the R a toggle like Nidalee and give more options. Make him more interesting.
The problem I see with that is that Gabriel will have no reliable form of CC (I do not count slows and blinds reliable with this guy) until level 6. Given how my champ will take enough risk just going into melee, with this change, he'll be risking a lot more and will have a difficult early game if he doesn't have decent backup if any back up at all.

Sorry but the tornado stays where it is.


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Chamenas

Senior Member

09-17-2012

I added this to my review queue, expect a review in a few days.


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Shrouded Snake

Senior Member

09-17-2012

Thanks.


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Raizau

Member

09-17-2012

Stone cold is OP, 600 range sounds a lot more balanced. Shouldnt be able to get almost a whole team when they are spacing pretty well. Amumu stun balanced because he has to put him self in danger after the stun comes off. Stone cold is place at a range and walk away


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Shrouded Snake

Senior Member

09-19-2012

Yet another change has been made. Not entirely sure it'll stay though.


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TeaCrusader

Senior Member

09-20-2012

Why hello there!
I saw you featured in Wulffe's thread and since i'm trying to make a habit of reviewing champs that get featured (at least 2 a week) I thought i'd have a look at Gabriel.
Also Scrap is a boss design hook and I've always been fond of it so off to a good start! =D

Quote:
Gabriel, the Scrap Animator

Lore: The city-state of Zaun can be an excellent city for those with the money and equally loose morality. For those who donít, you wonít find a bigger cesspit in all of Valoran. Gabriel grew up in the latter part of Zaunite life. Every day is a struggle just to make ends meet. In order to simply survive in such a world, Gabriel had taken the path of a scavenger, often going to Zaunís junkyards to find scraps that could be repurposed or reused. Of course, such a life is not free of risks, especially in a city where you can find the likes of Singed, Twitch and Mundo.

Although Gabriel does have a natural talent for animating and controlling non-sentient objects by infusing them with mana, he keeps his talent a secret out fear that it would draw the attention of some the unsavory citizens of Zaun. As much as he hates living in the city-state and wishes to move to a more respectable city like Piltover, he canít. He loves his family too much to leave them, especially his little brother and sister nor do they have the money needed for such a thing. So he keeps going; his solace lies in spending time with his siblings.

ďMommy, look! Gabe made a living metal bunny for my birthday.Ē Linda, upon receiving her gift from Gabriel.
I like this lore, it's nice to see a Zaunite who isn't just a crazy nasty man.
My only issue with his lore is that.. I think what you've got should be paragraph 1. Usually champs have some sort of scene setting and then an event that sparks the desire/power/need to be in the league.
Basically I think Gabriel is lacking a reason to be in the league and an explanation as to how he got in.
Also I love the hint to his Q in the lore, that's awesome.

Quote:
Appearance:

Height: 5'2"
Hair: Rich brown, keeps it in a short low cut.
Eyes: Hazel brown.
Build: Some muscle but skinny for the most part.
Other features: Very effeminate to the point where people couldn't tell if he's a guy or a girl if it weren't for the hair cut.
Clothes: Padded workman glove, worn heavy duty boots, overalls and a t-shirt with stains all over them.
Ok so.. primarily I'm kinda a concept guy, visually and idea wise (or at least I like to think so xP)
I like this, but I think it's missing the most important thing. He needs some sort of visual hook, something that sets him apart from both the other champs and any similar characters from other media.
Think: Caitlyn's hat with the pull down scopes.
Mao'Kai's animated shield arm.
Fiora's Demacia logo shoulder cape.
Not all champs have this but it's always the thing that sets aside good designs from great designs.
I'm not sure what to suggest for Gabriel (I usually work these things out by doodling personally) but maybe some sort of cobbled together scrap armour? Or some sort of scrap helmet? Maybe a bag for scrap?


Quote:
Passive: Scavenge
When you kill a minion or get an assist or kill on a champion, junk is placed in its location (1 for minion, 3/4/5 for champions). Upon picking up the junk, your CDs is reduced by 2 seconds and you regain 2% of your total mana
This is a pretty sweet little passive.
My main issue is whether it would work in game (LoL doesn't seem to have the most robust code) but screw it lets assume it will!
I think you need to put how long scrap stays for.. 2/3 seconds? I'd think that was about right but I dunno.
I'd like to suggest a potential change to this, but i'll get to it a bit later as the reason is tied into something later in the design.

Quote:
Q: Kamikaze bunny
Effect: a metal bunny leaps from you and to targeted location, upon reaching the location; it explodes, dealing 70/110/150/190/230 + (0.65 AP) magic dmg to minions and champs within radius. Champions can intercept it with their bodies but takes 150% of the normal damage.
Type: Think Anivia's Flash Frost.
CD: 10
Mana cost: 65/75/85/95/105
Range: 900
Radius: 325
bunny speed: 800
Extra: Ignores minion collision. It just jumps over them anyway.
As I mentioned, I LOVE the lore tie-in to this, that's great.
I think it's a pretty neat skill, though I feel it could do with a bit of utility perhaps? Though I guess the extra damage to cancel the aoe is a neat twist to make it different.

Quote:
W: Crab grab (Horrible name, I know.)
Effect: You scatter 5 mini-crabs at target location, rooting nearby champions in place for 1/1.25/1.5/1.75/2 seconds and dealing 15/25/35/45/55 + (0.35 AP) per crab
Creation period (Delay): 0.55 sec.
CD: 17
Mana: 50/60/70/80/90
Range: 600
Radius: 315
Extra: Root duration does not stack per crab but Damage does. Follows a 1 crab/champion rule but extra crabs targets a random champion. Example: 2 champion get's caught. By default, each champion gets a crab and the other 3 pick a random target so it could go 1/4 or 2/3. For 3 champs it's 1/2/2 or 1/1/3.
I'm.. not a fan of this skill.
Having read through the thread I know you want some hard cc. And I completely agree, you'd be hard pressed to find a mid option who doesn't have at least one very noticeable cc option. (At least one that's a common pick or ban in tourneys).
I think this skill feels quite.. messy? also I'm not sure I like the crabs.
If I'm honest I think the bunny works because of the lore, but I think it'd feel better if his non-bunny skills felt like he was constructing something.. well less crafted? Like more something on the fly? And maybe something a bit more threatening.


Quote:
E: Nom Nom Nom
Effect: A set of gator-like metal teeth rushes in a line, dealing 65/100/135/170/205 + (0.55 AP) damage to everything in its path. Upon reaching the end of that path, the teeth latches to nearest champion and deals 10/15/20/25/30 + bonus + (0.4 AP) damage over 3 sec.
CD: 14
Mana: 55/65/75/85/95
Range: 950
Radius (for the latching): 175
Bonus: 5 per minion (max of +25) and 10 per champion
Ok not gonna lie I don't like the name XD
But pretty cool skill, the bonus damage for things it passes through is in interesting touch (but the damage seems pretty low but eh.) And the little chase at the end is quite nice.

Quote:
R: Scrap Tornado
Effect: You create a tornado of random sharp objects. Everyone caught inside takes 200/300/400 (+ 0.95 AP) over 2.5 seconds and is blinded. Each second spent in the tornado refreshes the DoT.
Duration: 4 seconds
CD: 125/125/125
Mana: 125/175/225
Range: 1000
AoE Diameter: 650
Ok this is a pretty sweet ult.. it's got a nice level of utility purely from being a damage aoe, you can block off escapes or chases which is great.
I'd say make sure you note that the blind cannot be refreshed, so it's a one off when they first hit the tornado.
Also while i like the aoe size I think the cast range is a bit much. considering that the cast range always goes to the center of the aoe you'll be able to hit champs 1325 distance away.. which is.. kinda silly :x I'd say lower the cast range, keep the aoe.

Quote:
Alright for the explanation of creative process.

The whole idea behind this champion is to create a person that embodies ingenuity. To make the most out of even the most mundane and unlikely stuff. That even mice still has a place and reason in the world and the League of Legends.
Ok so this.. kinda put me on edge a little. I like the champ, he's got a nice skillset a really cool passive and a nice amount of subtle utility..
And then you said you wanted him to embody ingenuity.. and... I don't think you've quite nailed that.. =/ sorry.
I think very little in his kit feels like it gives you spur of the moment situational options, which is what I'd thought would be best for getting a feel of ingenuity.

I'm gonna make some suggestions, some of them are kinda small.. some of them are like.. kit change-ingly huge. Don't worry I don't expect you to pick up any of these, but hopefully they might give you some food for thought, or reinforce that you like Gabriel the way he is (which is not a bad thing at all!)

Ok so passive.. I think.. don't change anything here.. except make the scrap empower his abilities if they pass over it.

So the Q. I like this, but I personally would want it to feel more like a bouncing bunny. How about if you do it like rumble's ult or victor's e? You click and drag. The first click selects aoe 1 and the location of your mouse at the end is aoe 2.
It deals small damage and picks up scrap on aoe 1.
It deals large damage, and gains bonus damage if it picked up scrap on aoe 2.
I understand that it's a bit more complicated..
Could have it work like Zigg's bouncing bomb, but without diminishing distance on the bounces?
I'm thinking the bunny either gets bigger or gets like spiked feet or something if it passes over some scrap.

As I said I'm not a fan of the w but I don't really have any specific suggestions for the other skills, but I do have a couple of random ideas for skills.

So how about a damage-dealing shield that refreshes if the aoe touches some scrap? I am aware that you probably don't want a shield, or something that would probably be a mini version of his ult though.

I had an idea for something, a passthrough skillshot.. it starts as like flying scrap and over the distance turns into a hand made of scrap. At the end of the range (last 100? 200?) it stuns those it hits. If it travels over scrap it speeds up how quickly it gets to the stunning stage of the skill. (larger section of the skillshot is a stun).
Think this would give you some hard cc, but also would require skill and synergise with the scrap collecting and the ingenuity and resourcefulness I feel you want to get across in this character. Also I think it'd look boss!

Well I think that's all for now, though I'll keep an eye on this thread.
It's nice to see someone who is really keen to get feedback and implement it, I hope at least some of my ramblings are useful.

Great concept! Awesome Character, pretty sweet skills.

Good job! especially for a first champ!


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Shrouded Snake

Senior Member

09-20-2012

Thanks for the review, Crusader. I'll keep in mind some of the ideas and suggestions you've mentioned but there are a few things I don't want to do with this guy.

I don't want the abilities to interact with the scrap on the ground. The idea of Gabriel going into melee is meant to be a trade-off. If his abilities interact with the scraps he'll essentially have no reason to go into melee, essentially removing what makes him vulnerable. Not to mention, I've been in a number of blind pick games with 2 Teemos spamming mushrooms everywhere. If the code can handle that and Syndra's orb manipulation, it can handle random junk for a few seconds.

Sorry but the bunnies stays as is. The extra damage effect is so that Q would have some flexibility when up against multiple opponents or just one. Also, if you're brave enough to stop a kamikaze with you body, more power to you but it's going to hurt..

Yeah. Even with the change, W is still lacking something and it's starting to sound like a zoo. But it's not as if i can make rain rusty canon balls, torn kitchen sinks, and a few rocks from the ground over a wide area and knock the wind out the people caught in it.

Good point about the ult's range. I'll tone it down a bit.

Edit: Over 1000 views? Thanks guys.


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Chamenas

Senior Member

09-21-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrouded Snake View Post
Lore: The city-state of Zaun can be an excellent city for those with the money and equally loose morality. For those who donít, you wonít find a bigger cesspit in all of Valoran.
A fairly decent description. I do feel like something is missing from it, but can't figure out what. Probably the writer in me bugging out over nothing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrouded Snake View Post
Gabriel grew up in the latter part of Zaunite life. Every day is a struggle just to make ends meet. In order to simply survive in such a world, Gabriel had taken the path of a scavenger, often going to Zaunís junkyards to find scraps that could be repurposed or reused.
I like this a lot, though be careful with mixing tenses. It gives a simple, clear statement as to who Gabriel is, how he survives, and paints, in my mind, a clear image of a young man crawling through piles of junk in order to salvage whatever might help him survive. It's awesome.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrouded Snake View Post
Of course, such a life is not free of risks, especially in a city where you can find the likes of Singed, Twitch and Mundo.
...and.... ??? You don't make such a statement and leave it alone? This is a perfect setup for some sort of tragedy to have happened to Gabriel. Maybe he had to take care of a younger brother or sister and they died or something when one of the things he salvaged blew up. Maybe he's scarred because of something he found. There's all sorts of places this could be going

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrouded Snake View Post
Although Gabriel does have a natural talent for animating and controlling non-sentient objects by infusing them with mana, he keeps his talent a secret out fear that it would draw the attention of some the unsavory citizens of Zaun.
Makes sense. This is also awesome. However, once again, be mindful of your tenses. There's nothing wrong with present tense, but, if you're going to use it, then don't use past tense. However, I would suggest making sure it's all past tense, as that's the tense used in all of the Riot lore and you gain no creative advantage with present tense in this case.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrouded Snake View Post
As much as he hates living in the city-state and wishes to move to a more respectable city like Piltover, he canít. He loves his family too much to leave them, especially his little brother and sister nor do they have the money needed for such a thing. So he keeps going; his solace lies in spending time with his siblings.
Why can't... they flee Zaun with him? Still, this seems like good reason for him to use his power within the League, to gain the status necessary to move. However, you neglect to mention that very key motivation in your lore. It's an opportunity missed. First things first though, you need to EARN why he's trapped in the city. How young are these siblings. Why are they unable to travel with him?

Overall Lore:
This was a neat and creative story that I think would make a refreshing addition to League of Legends. I would definitely team up with one of the community writers to nail down some of the holes in your story, poking at your brain for more creative highlights, and fixing up some of the tense issues that seem a bit rampant. Overall though, I really liked it, and have enjoyed learning about who this character is.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrouded Snake View Post
Appearance:

Height: 5'2"
Hair: Rich brown, keeps it in a short low cut.
Eyes: Hazel brown.
Build: Some muscle but skinny for the most part.
Other features: Very effeminate to the point where people couldn't tell if he's a guy or a girl if it weren't for the hair cut.
Clothes: Padded workman glove, worn heavy duty boots, overalls and a t-shirt with stains all over them.
A different appearance for sure. I mean, I guess some might say he's a brown-haired Ezreal. But I really think Ezreal is not all that effeminate. Anyways, interesting and different.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrouded Snake View Post
Stats
Health: 365 (+74)
Health Regen: 4.5 (+0.55)
Mana: 250 (+55)
Mana Regen: 5.5 (+0.7)
Range: 550
Attack Damage: 49 (+3)
Attack Speed: 0.625 (+1.65%)
Armor: 10 (+3)
Magic Resist: 30
Speed: 315
The stats mostly seem to make sense to me, I don't see anything particularly out of the ordinary here. His movement speed is a little on the high end for a ranged champ though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrouded Snake View Post
Passive: Scavenge
When you kill a minion or get an assist or kill on a champion, junk is placed in its location (1 for minion, 3/4/5 for champions). Upon picking up the junk, your CDs is reduced by 2 seconds and you regain 2% of your total mana
Only issue I see here is that this is going to be seen as awfully similar to Heimerdinger's new passive after his remake. However, it fits the character thematically. I would alter this a little though, 2% mana regen for every minion kill is a little excessive for mana sustain, and 2 second reduced cds for every minion kill is over the top. Now, if this were based on every X junk collected triggered the effects, it would be a bit better.

[QUOTE=Shrouded Snake;29109280]
Q: Kamikaze bunny
Effect: a metal bunny leaps from you and to targeted location, upon reaching the location; it explodes, dealing 70/110/150/190/230 + (0.65 AP) magic dmg to minions and champs within radius. Champions can intercept it with their bodies but takes 150% of the normal damage.
Type: Think Anivia's Flash Frost.
CD: 10
Mana cost: 65/75/85/95/105
Range: 900
Radius: 325
bunny speed: 800
Extra: Ignores minion collision. It just jumps over them anyway.
[./quote]

So really slow, can be blocked, but, if it doesn't reach its target destination it does extra damage? I suppose that's okay. I can't comment on numbers too much, but it does seem like a fun ability to play with. Flash Frost can stun though, what extra effect does the bunny have?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrouded Snake View Post
W: Crab grab (Horrible name, I know.)
Effect: You scatter 5 mini-crabs at target location, rooting nearby champions in place for 1/1.25/1.5/1.75/2 seconds and dealing 15/25/35/45/55 + (0.35 AP) per crab
Creation period (Delay): 0.55 sec.
CD: 17
Mana: 50/60/70/80/90
Range: 600
Radius: 315
Extra: Root duration does not stack per crab but Damage does. Follows a 1 crab/champion rule but extra crabs targets a random champion. Example: 2 champion get's caught. By default, each champion gets a crab and the other 3 pick a random target so it could go 1/4 or 2/3. For 3 champs it's 1/2/2 or 1/1/3.
I like the flavor of this ability. My only worry is the mana cost is a little low for an AoE root that seems to specifically target champions (very powerful). Also, how much of a range do the crabs themselves have? Since I assume the 600 range is how far away you can drop the crabs and the radius is the circle of the AoE in which you drop them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrouded Snake View Post
E: Nom Nom Nom
Effect: A set of gator-like metal teeth rushes in a line, dealing 65/100/135/170/205 + (0.55 AP) damage to everything in its path. Upon reaching the end of that path, the teeth latches to nearest champion and deals 10/15/20/25/30 + bonus + (0.4 AP) damage over 3 sec.
CD: 14
Mana: 55/65/75/85/95
Range: 950
Radius (for the latching): 175
Bonus: 5 per minion (max of +25) and 10 per champion
Sort of standard damage ability with a bit of a twist. I like it, not sure about ranges, cost or cd though. Could probably stand to have a shorter CD (or decreasing CD) but I'm unsure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrouded Snake View Post
R: Scrap Tornado
Effect: You create a tornado of random sharp objects. Everyone caught inside takes 200/300/400 (+ 0.95 AP) over 2.5 seconds and is blinded. Each second spent in the tornado refreshes the DoT.
Duration: 4 seconds
CD: 125/125/125
Mana: 125/175/225
Range: 1000
AoE Diameter: 650
This could be a bit overpowered if they can't escape the Tornado... otherwise, it's a fairly decent damage ult with a little effect. I'm only somewhat upset because it sort of mimics an ult I have for my new champion Fola. But that's not your fault!

Overall Abilities:
Probably needs some small balance tweaks, though I'm not the best one to suggest how to do that. My only major comment is that the kit, while it made sense thematically, didn't really seem to have any underlying synergistic theme. Also, you have this guy collecting junk in his passive, but don't do anything with it! It would be sort of cool if his abilities got small, flavorful boosts or added effects if he had a certain amount of junk. Just a thought.


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Shrouded Snake

Senior Member

09-22-2012

More changes added.