Great Works of Literature LoLified.

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Nearfar

Senior Member

01-31-2012

Bump before work is over


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Nearfar

Senior Member

02-01-2012

Today's LoLification. Hope you enjoy it.
The Riven
(spoof of Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven)

Once upon a top lane clearly, while I soloed eyes quite bleary,
having spent my gold on Doran’s Blade back at the store,
While I farmed, nearly napping, suddenly this thing came at me,
As if quickly spinning, spinning might make the damage more.
`'Garen’s top,' I typed, `spinning at my exile, what a bore -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the warm December,
And each separate dying minion brought meclose to rich from poor.
Eagerly I wished the killing; - vainly I had sought the spilling
From that blue knights veins upon my sword – wished for release from this chore -
For the death of Garen what a chore -
in the bush for evermore.

And the jungler, seemed uncertain as to whether he could hurt him
Passed me- skipped my lane as he cleared the golems and ran towards mid at minute 4;
So that now, to pressure Garen, point spent, now for preparing
`A Ki blast near the tower base will surely help me melt his face -
a simple stun and tower shot to melt his face; -
That’s my plan, and nothing more,'

Presently my Q grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `A broken blade is more than enough for the likes of you!" ;
But the blue one spun in silence, and so with that I brought the violence,
And Q, Q, W, Q increased my score.
“Spin to win? Yeah right” said I – as his body hit the floor; -
Minions there, and nothing more.

Back to base my wallet bulging, long I pondered over indulging,
Doubting, went with boots and wards then back top for more;
But the blade that was broken, was still quite useless for trades and poking,
And the Garen top was hiding, in the bush to spin and fight me,
This spinning fool would fight me with my black and broken sword,'
Desperate to spill his blood on my black and broken sword.

Back into the jungle turning, down the lizard red buff burning,
Soon again I saw a spinning somewhat stronger than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely this shan’t be a problem;
Let me see then, where’s my jungle – it’s time to mob him
Come top a moment and this Demacian’s head we will explore; -
'Tis a gank and nothing more!'

Where upon we two had set, Garen caught unawares yet,
again the Blue knight’s blood spilled down my sword.
And the words in all chat typed; caused him to rage about our fight;
But, with new boots and wards, inching closer to a mended sword -
and the ruin of his tower with the black and broken sword -
Tower, creeps and nothing more.

Then a ping upon the map warned mid of an impending trap,
by the mid and jungle of our purple foe our mid went back,
`Though thy plan be understated, thou,' mid said, `art sure mistaken.
Purple mid and jungler wandering from wraiths to river shore -
Tell me why thou seeks my end! I see you now, wards OP friend'
Quoth the Riven, `QQ moar.'

Much I marveled this ungainly team to hear discourse so plainly,
Wards in games without a ranking – it’s like they have a brain between the four ;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
can see into the bush and jungle without a ward -
Any lane, including jungle, wards will save you rest assured,
Quoth the Riven ‘Buy some more’

But the Riven, lonely on the topmost lane, spoke only,
So long I've wandered... with that thought she stopped and pondered.
Killed the wave and then pressed - broken wings the minions shudder -
Till I farmed them one by one `I’m bout to push your tower son -
And the Garen seemed quite angry, at being pushed around by a lady.'
Then the exile said, `Come get me baby.'

Startled at the brash reply Garen vowed that she would die,
`DEMACIA!!!,' said he, `what he utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy nation he simply needs rehabilitation
Followed fast and followed faster till my E shield was no more -
Till the tower lent aid to my black and broken sword
And again Garen was no more."'

But the exile still beguiling pushing hard and fast as lightning
Straight, straight up to the tower’s stone barred door;
Then, upon the structure falling, for jungle help she was calling
A race between the two and Garen, to leave the tower’s place quite barren-
With 150 gold at stake and more, and upgrade and a level, maybe more.
Now the tower falls: just two more.'

This Garen found distressing, but no competence expressing
He ran straight down the middle lane, hoping to advance the game;
This and more mid had foreseen, and pinged the map, O jungler heed
mid lane’s call, assist with speed was all the exile thought as she used the store,
A bf sword and zerker greaves were her choices at the store,
Now she’s set forever more!

Then, methought, the bot lane floundered, it seems the lane had been hard countered
the lane was being pushed right up to blue’s tower door.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy skill I question – here I come to teach a lesson
ignite – and Q takes repossession, stemming the flow of bot’s oppression!
Back, oh back you violet usurpers! Attacks came fast thanks to her ‘zerkers
And bot belonged to blue again once more.'

`Oh look!' said she, `we have a chance, our fortunes by dragon to advance -
now what to push? Top or mid, since Garen ran away and hid
The exile stopped and thought a moment -
On this quandary deep and potent- Mid must push she then concluded -
While their team is convoluted! Mid I’m coming get yourself a score'
with the aid of black and broken sword.'

`Sacrifices must be made!' said she, `a greenish glow enfolds her blade!
By bush where the carry hides - by the support that seemed unwise -
came a blast of runic power sent two flying to their tower
And they cowered as blue pressed them – hacking at the door
Another tower falling to the exile’s black and broken sword'
Quoth the Riven, `There’s one more.'

`Be that blow the final one? Will you surrender? You guys are done -
`But all that met her words were rage scrolling fast up the chat page
Fine be that way! All mid blue team! We’ve won we’ve won
Leave the top and bottom lanes! – It should be simple why explain?
Take the tower and inhib too, then push the nexus. Victory: Blue!'
Made possible by the black and broken sword.'

And the Riven, smugly gloating over the nexus’ wreckage smoking
On the ruined fountain of their foes by minute 34;
They said, they stomped their foes and stomped them good,
And the dancing that ensued was something more;
Her final words cut the vanquished’s core
Remember- What is broken can be reforged!


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Cerubois

Senior Member

02-01-2012

Okay. You got me with The Riven.

+1000000 for your literary knowledge and skill. Unfortunately the site only counts it once. ^^;


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Nearfar

Senior Member

02-01-2012

Ha ha. Thanks.


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Nearfar

Senior Member

02-01-2012

Bump before leaving work


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Keaton Lee

Senior Member

02-01-2012

Posting in an epic thread.

Seriously, I laughed so hard XD


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Nearfar

Senior Member

02-02-2012


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Nearfar

Senior Member

02-02-2012

Delicious lunch break bump


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Cerubois

Senior Member

02-02-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nearfar View Post
Delicious lunch break bump
I hate to be the one to say it, but...

We generally avoid bumping our own threads here. It takes so long for the threads to move to the second page that it simply isn't necessary.

Please, by all means, continue posting more stuff you've created. Just don't bump it for no reason.


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Jaykoboy

Senior Member

02-02-2012

Read the Riven one. For some reason, even if she isn't the main character, I can snoop out any thread with Riven in the fanfic...no, I'm not a creep.

Well done! +1...wish I could give you more, like, persay, my wallet.

-Jaykoboy-