Do you guys read ebooks?

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Ailwuful2

Senior Member

12-16-2013

Where do you usually look for ebooks to read?
On what device do you usually read it?
Can you say any indie books you really enjoyed?

Guys, give me a hand here, I published a book and I could use some information on people's preferences and stuff. I think my book has its downs and ups, there are some great stuff in it, but it might not hold the same quality throughout the whole read. There is plenty I can improve, but like I said I could really use some information or feedback.

If anyone would be kind enough to check it out, it's temporarily free and you can download in any format at Smashwords:https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/382782

Shoutout to Riot Morgageddon for helping me improve the book's description, thanks bro =]


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Ailwuful2

Senior Member

01-07-2014

shameless bump


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King K Rool

Senior Member

02-18-2014

I'm at work now but I will bump this for you. I wish there was a sample of the book so I could see your writing style though.


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Ailwuful2

Senior Member

02-18-2014

Quote:
Originally Posted by King K Rool View Post
I'm at work now but I will bump this for you. I wish there was a sample of the book so I could see your writing style though.
Oh hi there! Someone supporting! (rolls a tear)

When I first created this thread I had more links and my book description, but I figured it was getting a negative impact by making it look like pretty much an advertising thread. So I just left the Smashwords link there because even though more people buy from Amazon, it's much easier getting a sample at Smashwords if someone is interested.

I'm going to be honest about my writing style, I've got a lot to improve. It's my first book, I learned a lot from it and noticed plenty of places that could be better. That being said, I focused on writing a story that was interesting, fast-paced and could show people the differences in our hearts and perspectives. I think I delivered that to some extent. But of all chapters, I don't like the first one much and I think this might be killing my book... sigh.

Thanks for the bump.


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Atlanis

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Senior Member

02-18-2014

I read ebooks -- typically they are in PDF and obtained through illegal methods to save me a trip to the library. I prefer hard copies when I can get them.

When I read ebooks, I generally do so on my phablet. If I had a tablet, I would use that instead.


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King K Rool

Senior Member

02-18-2014

I figured out how to read a sample!

I am going to be blunt your writing needs a lot of work.

1. (The city is filled with the sound of battle. A war is being fought. In this battlefield bathed in the intense light of the big moon, all you can hear are the sounds of battle-cries, the clash of weapons and the screams of death.) 2. (The duke of Dorohoi has lost this great battle, but his obstinate nature prevents him from accepting defeat, he fled the city with most of what remained of his army while abandoning the rest to hold off his enemy.) This marks another great victory for the Liberation Army, the end of the war is approaching, and they'll have this territory under their control.

1. You are being too straightforward and to be honest rather generic. You state the fact that there is a battle taking place in a city and proceed to list the sounds. Instead try to let the reader imply these things while you illustrate a scene with your words. Your third sentence is a run on.

Ex: The moonlit silhouettes dance across the city. Sounds of ringing steel and screams of dying the defile the night.

Here the fact that silhouette can be seen implies there is a bright moon. The fact that there are weapons clashing and that men are screaming in pain eludes that there is most likely a battle going on.

2. Is this the city of Dorohoi or is that a territory? I am sure you answer all this later on but if it was me I would just leave out his whole title it raises too many questions. I haven't read enough to be sure who is the good guy or bad guy yet but usually obstinate is used with a negative connotation (at least in my mind) I would have used words like cynical or cold hearted if he is in fact the bad guy. If he is the good guy I would make him sound regretful or mad at the fact he has to leave a portion of his army behind. This could probably be shortened and made less direct as well. Describe his army retreating and how he feels about it and let that speak to the reader about the duke's character. Its no fun to have some one tell you how you should feel about a character. You can lead them in the direction you want but don't force your own views on them.

Anyways I think you get the gist of what I am saying be less direct and let the scene speak for itself. Don't tell me he is an amazing warrior let me see how amazing he is by his actions.

Again I'm not sure who is evil and who is good yet but this Liberation Army comes across as evil by their description alone. If they are, then you are going against a stereo type as old as the bible itself. People will have a harder time wrapping their mind around that. If that is what you intended well then go for it. I am just saying people will have a harder time sympathizing with them.

Now all of this being said you definitely have a some grammar and punctuation errors. I have been out of school for about two years now so I won't try and correct those. (Beside the run on sentences those are kind of obvious)

Just trying to give some serious yet friendly advice

PS: Work on your overall flow. Try reading it aloud and see how it feels. To me if comes off as kind of clunky.


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Ailwuful2

Senior Member

02-19-2014

Damnit bro, you're making this sound pretty hard. I do in fact need to work on my writing. It's a pretty big book, above average size, and I spent too much time in it, so I couldn't keep on forever reviewing it until it's perfect. Some mistakes always get through even after reading it 3 times.

I'm uncertain if the method I used is "bad". Personally I don't like stuff to be described too much, nor when stuff is self-implied by context too much. Sometimes I'm just like "stop describing these stuff and get to the point". That's not to say that I think I'm right. I need to improve in plenty of places. For my next book I really want to do a first person perspective story, so everything will come from the protagonist's eyes and thoughts.

I still need to build myself a style that I like and that I can stick to. In this book there are scenes that I describe stuff a lot and scenes that I don't describe anything as if it wasn't important (even when it is). It's the first time I write a book and after doing it I got pretty convinced that it's a craft that like any other, takes practice.

But I still think it's a story worthy of people's time. I think it gets to a point that the book is kind of hard to put down, because a lot of stuff happen pretty quickly. I think. I got some people talking really well about it, they really liked, but they also all agreed that I need to work more on some parts.

You said two times you didn't get who was good and evil. No one in my book is described as good and evil. There is no good and evil, it's all perspectives. You thought the Liberation Army was evil? That's cool, maybe they were being evil, but they have their purpose. I really dislike when dude X is the good guy and dude Y is the bad guy, I wouldn't create a story like that. If you noticed by the title and the cover, I imply that the protagonist himself will make choices that can be considered good, evil or just uncertain.

Nonetheless, thanks a lot of checking it out. I'm glad someone showed some interest to help me.

I'm thinking on putting my book up for free pretty soon and insist people to give it a chance. Would you give it a chance?


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King K Rool

Senior Member

02-20-2014

Ya I would give it a try if it were free. Having incorrect grammar can make it difficult to read though which makes it less enjoyable. You already did the hard part which is writing the story itself, editing just takes time.


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Ailwuful2

Senior Member

02-21-2014

It's done, it's free at Smashwords.

If you read it, I hope you enjoy it, and please comment about it.


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Ailwuful2

Senior Member

03-03-2014

Bumped after a week for more discussion


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