The Official Beginners Guide on How to Exorcise "Teemo Lovers" And Save Them

Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Keikomatsui

Senior Member

12-16-2013

Hey folks. I'm here today to help you guys help yourselves, your friends, and the world in the fight against Teemo and all those he has corrupted with his dark ways.


First, a little background. On February the 21st, 2009, the people at Riot Games unknowingly released the darkest terror imaginable upon the people of the world. Teemo. This....thing appeared cute and adorable, but that was all a front. "Teemo" is actually the incarnation of Lucifer, also known as Satan, The Devil, The Beast, The Accuser of Job, The Tempter of the Gospels, Leviathan, The Dark Shroomer, and the Dragon. This beast quickly began to corrupt much of League's player base and he quickly became their favorite champion (Also, ironically, known has "heros" to some). Being the most popular online videogame in the world, "Teemo" used this conduit to infect the mind of poor, innocent people in his quest to bring upon the end of times, as set in the Book of Revelation. This is only the beginning, my friends.

Now, what you need to know
Im sure we all know someone who "is a Teemo fan". I'm sure we all think "Well maybe he can be fun to play sometimes." or "Those shrooms are op. Im sure he's not possessed by a demonic spirit plotting the overthrow of heaven and the chaotic destruction of the world". Don't be fooled. No normal person could ever like Teemo. Possession is always the case, all the time.

Holy Water
Now, to exorcise a person possessed by a demon, and forced to both love and play Teemo, who things are needed. Holy Water and a copy of the Rituale Romanum.
Holy Water can be made by leaving a crucifix or rosary in any old glass of tap water. Place the water on a table, and recite the following. Its long, but bear with me.

``Exorcizo te, creatura aquŠ, in nomine Dei Patris omnipotentis, et in nomine Jesu Christi, Filii ejus Domini nostri, et in virtute Spiritus Sancti: ut fias aqua exorcizata ad effugandam omnem potestatem inimici, et ipsum inimicum eradicare et explantare valeas. Angelis suis apostaticis, per virtutem ejusdem Domini nostri Jesu Christ: qui venturus est judicare vivos et mortuos et sŠculum per ignem.
Deus, qui ad salutem humani generis maxima quŠque sacramenta in aquarum substantia condidisti: adesto propitius invocationibus nostris, et elemento huic, multimodis purificationibus prŠparato, virtutem tuŠ benedictionis infunde; ut creatura tua, mysteriis tuis serviens, ad abigendos dŠmones morbosque pellendos divinŠ gratiŠ sumat effectum; ut quidquid in domibus vel in locis fidelium hŠc unda resperserit careat omni immunditia, liberetur a noxa. Non illic resideat spiritus pestilens, non aura corrumpens: discedant omnes insidiŠ latentis inimici; et si quid est quod aut incolumitati habitantium invidet aut quieti, aspersione hujus aquŠ effugiat: ut salubritas, per invocationem sancti tui nominis expetita, ab omnibus sit impugnationibus defensa. Per Dominum, amen.┤┤

The water is now blessed. If cast upon any person who loves Teemo, it shall cause the demon great pain, but will bring no pain to a human soul. Thus, it is great both for combat versus the Teemo-loving horde, but also for determining who is ally and who is a worshiper of Teemo. Never engage a Teemo-lover or one possessed by the Dark Shroomer without a strong supply.

The Rituale Romanum
The Rituale Romanum is a book of rituals used in the early 1600's as the only go-to source for exorcism ritual chants, as well as other rituals. Reading its lines causes those possessed by Teemo's dark legions to be freed of Teemo's evil. If there is one excerpt you should know by heart, it is as follows:

"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica.
Ergo draco maledicte et omnis legio diabolica adjuramus te.
Cessa decipere humanas creaturas, eisque aeternae Perditionis venenum propinare."

This can handle most of Teemo's evil minions, as well as remove his foul Shrooms. IT will also cleanse his dark, Satanic poison.


My friends, the great darkness that The True King of Hell, Teemo, is bringing is more then any one man can take on alone. Only together, through unity and perseverance, can we stop Teemo from bringing on the Apocalypse, as forseen in the Book of Revelations. Let us defeat Teemo, save as many as we can from his worship or possession, and bring a brighter, Teemo-free future for our children and our children's children.
In ex spiritus sanctus, my friends. May your hearts be full of righteousness and let us bring the fight to Teemo.

Edit: My friends, whenever the fight gets too great and it seems all is lost, go to this: http://www.twitch.tv/teemodies
A never ending stream of out victories versus the dark lord Teemo and his nefarious plots against humanity and justice.

tl:dr Riot pls delete teemo he is literally satan


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Eldoro

Member

12-16-2013

I like teemo... so I like satan?


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Keikomatsui

Senior Member

12-16-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eldoro View Post
I like teemo... so I like satan?
No. You are possessed and corrupted by his evil black magic and are being used to bring forth the End of Days. I pray for you.


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Igotlazy

Senior Member

12-16-2013

As founding member of the "We love Teemo" cul- I mean society, I can assure you that no corruption of the mind occurs through the playing of our favorite little Devil, I mean Angel *shifty eyes*. Thank you and have a good day.

*Walks back to hideout*

"GOD DAMMIT STEVE, WRITE BETTER CUE CARDS".


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Ezreal Wright

Member

12-16-2013

I love Teemo. I'm a Satanist. Hehehehehehehehehehe


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Eldoro

Member

12-16-2013

Quote:
No. You are possessed and corrupted by his evil black magic and are being used to bring forth the End of Days. I pray for you.
strangely ok with this....


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Keikomatsui

Senior Member

12-16-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eldoro View Post
strangely ok with this....
Of course you are. His dark voice is whispering evil pleasures into your mind, corrupting what you once thought was "good" or "bad". You must fight it! Giving in is what He wants.


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Eldoro

Member

12-16-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keikomatsui View Post
Of course you are. His dark voice is whispering evil pleasures into your mind, corrupting what you once thought was "good" or "bad". You must fight it! Giving in is what He wants.
I own 6 Teemo skins I'm to far gone. go on without me....


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

ButterPenguin

Senior Member

12-16-2013

Doom

Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	espurr.gif
Views:	174
Size:	42.5 KB
ID:	858877  

Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Keikomatsui

Senior Member

12-16-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eldoro View Post
I own 6 Teemo skins I'm to far gone. go on without me....
No! Never leave a man behind. You must FIGHT IT. FIGHT IT!