How I lost a one-sided rap battle in League

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Chained Icarus

Senior Member

04-08-2013

So, after a match today, I got into a sort of... "debate" we'll call it... with a fellow summoner. I was feeling particularly trolly and I may or may not had been listening to Vanilla Ice very recently. So... It went a bit like this...

Him: "You suck. You only killed me once"

(For the record, he's not incorrect about me sucking)

Me: "Gotcha a second time, I'll follow it up with a dope rhyme."

Him: "...What?"

Me: "ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF, Because apparently you've forgotten my face. I'm Icarus, I killed once before, now you're dead again, what a friggin' disgrace. I don't know why you seem to think I'm a chump, because I dropped you like an after Taco Bell dump. You're pathetic, a phoney, a wannabe man. Still avoiding puberty like Peter Pan. No it's okay, I was only AFK, alt-tabbed back in just to ruin your day. Don't feel bad, we can't all be me.

Go on and send your friends - I'll kick their asses for free."


Feeling quite proud of my white-boy rhyming skills, I was sure the debate was won... Until...

Him: "Okay, if you're so clever, rhyme with orange."

Damn! The TABLES HAD TURNED. Orange... I had to think fast. Luckily, I was wearing my Batman shirt, and it helped me deduce that there was one way to rhyme with orange...

Me: "Orange? Rhymes like a squeaky door henge. Man this s**t's getting pretty borrenge. I guess I'm kind of stretching the word, but your request is absurd, so I'll flip you the bird (ya nerd). What, you thought you had a clever comeback? That you were sharp as a tack? That I'd fade to black? B***h please, you don't know what you've done, in any cycle of the moon or the sun, I'm number one.

Put down the controller, log off the game, before your street cred I further defame. This can't be fun or are you into pain? I've had more challenge from a s**t stain. Okay, maybe that was a little mean, maybe you're a noobie, maybe you're green. I guess what I'm trying to say was simply just missed...

So there is my message, go on, get pissed."


I was quite proud of myself. Surely that masterful wordplay had won the gentleman over to my way of thinking. And then he went for the throat.

Him: "YOU'RE NOT COOL"

I wasn't... cool? No. No it couldn't be true. I refused to believe it. But his words... they made sense. Deep in my soul I felt, maybe, just maybe, I wasn't cool. But then I remembered that I play Kassadin and that automatically makes me cool. I also happen to be wearing PJ pants with Pizza designs on it. It doesn't get cooler than that.

Me: "Art thou mad brother? Shakespeare might say. Then he'd drop the mic and into the night away. But see, motherf****r, I'm here to stay. You opened this can and now you will pay.

I was gonna play nice, but I can see you're a c**k. Knock you down a peg? F**k that, I'll knock you down the block. I'm old school man, I played Mario son. No not in 3D, b***h, the 8-bit one. Man, you make me feel old, so why don't you be a good kid and DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD. Man up, shut up, and take my advice - I've had more engaging battles with head lice.

That's right, I'll compare you to a bug. Walk all over you like a cheap ass rug. I might be white and my rhymes might be forced - And sometimes I just won't rhyme because f**k you.

Now this is a game and I'm only talking trash, but I'll scratch you out like a painful rash. Actually, you're not supposed to scratch those. Scratching rashes causes them to spread more. You really shouldn't do it. In fact, if you have a rash, you should consult a doctor. Seriously. That **** can get serious."


Ha. That showed him. I was the victor. I knew it in my heart to be true. Yes. There was no coming back from this.

Him: "ARE YOU ON SOME KIND OF DRUGS? OR RETARDED? YOU ARE GIVING ME ADVICE ON RASHES OVER THE INTERNET"

I... Well... Um... ****.

Me: "Yeah, well... Um... Uh... You're bad and don't call MIAs."

Him: "You're seriously retarded."

DEFEAT.

=======================
Shameless self plug: I also work at GameStop and tell ridiculous stories of my time there :3

http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/....php?t=3388454

Ask me questions, make a fool of me, up or downvote. Whichever. Enjoy!
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FoxTailedSamurai

Junior Member

04-08-2013

I didn't know Killer Bee played League of Legends.


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Helmight

Recruiter

04-08-2013

GG, my friend. Your rhymes are better than mine.

Besides, you technically won because he didn't even TRY rapping back.


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Chained Icarus

Senior Member

04-08-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helmight View Post
GG, my friend. Your rhymes are better than mine.

Besides, you technically won because he didn't even TRY rapping back.
To be fair, Yoda said there is no try.

I might be using that quote wrong.


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Chained Icarus

Senior Member

04-08-2013

@FoxTailedSamurai

What?

Edit: And... now the post is gone... I don't even... O.<


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FoxTailedSamurai

Junior Member

04-08-2013

Sorry, the grammar of my last post sucked so bad I just deleted it.


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Chained Icarus

Senior Member

04-09-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by FoxTailedSamurai View Post
Sorry, the grammar of my last post sucked so bad I just deleted it.
Fair enough.


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Chained Icarus

Senior Member

04-09-2013

Over 100 views, 6 replies (most of them me), only 5 upvotes...

I need to start posting my obviously self-validating attention seeking posts at more decent hours of the day. O_O


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SenpaiPleaseDont

Member

04-09-2013

Attachment 655944


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Chained Icarus

Senior Member

04-09-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by opkill View Post
This actually made my day. Thank you XD


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