"Jarvan, we need to talk about Quinn..."

First Riot Post
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Weisenreitter

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Junior Member

02-27-2013

This made my day. I am still wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes.


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jerrrry

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Senior Member

02-27-2013

Lol, that was way funnier than I expected.


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Attilian

Senior Member

02-27-2013

Best one yet. Also garens cameo was perfect. I read it I. His voice and he sounded so disappointed that Kat was the enemy and that he wasn't a girl.


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IonDragonX

Senior Member

02-27-2013

Quote:
Odd. Why are those ladies over there stuffing various foodstuffs into their mouth?
I'm not sure if they are participating in an eating contest, my dear chap. Is it me, or is Quinn carving out a boob window in her armor?
He needs his Monocle!


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Wild Surge

Recruiter

02-27-2013

But... Pheonix Quinn is a redhead... *cough*


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A Jolly Kabuto

Senior Member

02-27-2013

dat boob window


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Xelnath

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Systems Designer

02-27-2013
1 of 6 Riot Posts

These threads are amazing.

Also, perhaps you all misunderstand Jarvan IV. Maybe he's secretly in love with Jericho Swain. I mean, he's clearly got daddy issues - he talks about his father the king all of the time.


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PPPPPPPPPPPP270

Senior Member

02-27-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by IMTOOJUICY View Post
Attachment 624796Oh hey, Shyvana... wait, you want to talk about Quinn? What about her?
Attachment 624801I don't think you should talk to Quinn anymore.
Attachment 624796Huh? Why?
Attachment 624801Frankly, I think she's crazy.
Attachment 624796Crazy?? What makes you say that??
Attachment 624801Well, for starters, she writes letters to her dead brother. And even worse, she pretends to carry on these inane conversations with her big dumb bird! How cuckoo is that??
Attachment 624798AHEM! EXCUSE ME! Hi there, Jarvan! <3 How are you today?
Attachment 624796Oh hello there, Quinn! I am doing well, and how are you?
Attachment 624798I am having a good day now that I've run into you, my dear prince! *nods curtly to Shyvana* Shyvana.
Attachment 624801Grrr...
Attachment 624798Sorry to interrupt you two, but Valor here told me that he heard SOMEONE just now spreading misinformation about us!
Attachment 624806Squawk! Squawk!
Attachment 624801Valor told you? Yeah right, you freaking eavesdropper! As if that bird says anything to you other than “Give me food! Give me food! Give me food!”
Attachment 624798How dare you question my relationship with Valor?? Are you calling me a liar??
Attachment 624801Nope, I'm calling you crazy. By the way, does your dead brother also talk to you from his grave?
Attachment 624798Don't you dare bring Caleb into this! And you're one to talk about crazy! You may be half dragon, but you are ALL crazy. Jarvan, I don't think you should talk to Shyvana anymore!
Attachment 624796Huh? Why?
Attachment 624798During one of his missions, Valor's head cam happened to capture an image of Shyvana through her bedroom window and... well... see this disturbing photo for yourself!
Attachment 624821
Attachment 624801*face turns red* That... that... that's not me!
Attachment 624798What! It is so you!
Attachment 624801You can't prove it, you bird brain! You can't see my face, can you?? You've mistaken me for some other female half-dragon out there who is obsessed with Jarvan!
Attachment 624796*nods in deep thought* I agree, Shyvana. What you suggest is clearly the most likely scenario.
Attachment 624798What!
Attachment 624796And with this half dragon so obsessed with me, it seems that I should watch my step for the indefinite future!
Attachment 624798*grumbles* Well, if this alleged half-dragon is anything like Shyvana, you have nothing to fear, my prince. Her ganks will be laughable at best.
Attachment 624801HEY! My ganks aren't that bad!
Attachment 624798O rly?
Attachment 624801Well, I mean... if I have my exhaust up... my ganks can be okay... sort of...
Attachment 624798That would explain why you're Tier Four on Reign of Gaming's jungle tier list!
Attachment 624807It's... it's just a stupid tier list! It means nothing!
Attachment 624798Perhaps, but there's also the fact that Saintvicious no longer jungles with you! Face it, Shyvana! You're useless now! As a matter of fact, you might even be more useless than Ashe!
Attachment 624789Leave me out of this...
Attachment 624807... I.. I... I have to go now... *sniffles*... brb, while I slip into something more comfortable...
Attachment 624796Attachment 624798What? Comfortable?
Attachment 624800Ok, I'm back.
Attachment 624796Shyvana, you've... you've changed skins! But why?
Attachment 624800Well, Jarvan... I thought that... you know... maybe you would... like it...
Attachment 624796Haha, Shyvana, you know me so well! I have to admit, redheads do tend to catch my eye!
Attachment 624816What! Redheads?? Hey now, Katarina is mine, I saw her first!
Attachment 624796Garen? What are you talking about?
Attachment 624816I, uh... haha... you said something about redheads?
Attachment 624796I was complimenting Shyvana on her Ironscale skin. I was not talking about Katarina, that dastardly nemesis of Demacia!
Attachment 624816Oh. Yes, that's right. Katarina is the enemy. I keep forgetting!
Attachment 624796Now, if you'll excuse us, Garen. I wish to be in the company of attractive young ladies and you do not qualify as one.
Attachment 624816I apologize for not being an attractive lady, your highness! Forgive me for my intrustion! *rushes off into a bush*
Attachment 624796Now, where were we?
Attachment 624800You were busy telling me how nice I looked.
Attachment 624798Yes, you look very nice... for a half-breed monster!
Attachment 624796Please, ladies, there is no need for such juvenile insults!
Attachment 624798Sorry, sorry, my temper got the best of me there... I agree, we are all adults here. No need for childish antics, yes?
Attachment 624800Quinn has tiny boobs.
Attachment 624798I do not!! I mean, they're not Sona-level or anything, but...
Attachment 624796*peers at Quinn's armored chest* Hmmm...
Attachment 624798Jarvan, please stop! You're making me blush! *glares at Shyvana* And you're one to talk! Your chest is nothing to write home about either!
Attachment 624804O rly?
Attachment 624796Shyvana, why did you change skins again??
Attachment 624802Oh, I don't know...
Attachment 624796Well, hello there, boys!
Attachment 624798*latches onto Jarvan's arm* I'm sorry, Shyvana, you can tempt Jarvan all you want, but Iron Stylus has stated that he is going to ship me and Jarvan. So there! Nyah nyah nyah!
Attachment 624804He said that?? Is this some sort of bad joke??
Attachment 624798The only joke around here is you, former queen of the jungle!
Attachment 624804Why you little... I'll give you a joke! Knock knock!
Attachment 624798Who's there?
Attachment 624804I ate!
Attachment 624798I ate who?
Attachment 624804I ate Valor! *stuffs Valor into her mouth*
Attachment 624799Valor! Nooooo!
Attachment 624804*talking with mouth full* Thash wush shoo gesh, shoo fowah cweep hoe (translation: That's what you get, you power-creeped hoe)
Attachment 624796Shyvana! How many times have we gone over this? You can't just devour everyone who disagrees with you!
Attachment 624804*grumbles* Oh, fine... ptooey! *spits out a still-kicking Valor*
Attachment 624799Valor, you're alive! Thank god!
Attachment 624796Thank you for sparing Valor, Shyvana... and I have to admit, I am quite amazed! You're still in human form, yet you managed to fit that huge bird inside your mouth!
Attachment 624804My mouth is capable of doing things which mere humans can only dream of. If you know what I mean. *tries to wink at Jarvan from behind her helmet*
Attachment 624796I see... okay, I've decided. Shyvana is the one for me. Sorry, Quinn.
Attachment 624798What!!! No! This is not how it's supposed to go!
Attachment 624793*thunder cracks overhead* Thou shalt not go against my will, Jarvan!
Attachment 624796By the gods! The almighty Parrot has appeared!
Attachment 624793Yes, I am the almighty Parrot, and I have decreed, Prince Jarvan, that thou shalt be with Quinn!
Attachment 624796But... Shyvana can fit an entire Demacian eagle inside her mouth... and boob window...
Attachment 624793*lightning flashes overhead* YOU HAVE NO NEED FOR BOOB WINDOWS. THOU SHALT BE WITH QUINN.
Attachment 624796How about... how about I get both women? Would that be okay?
Attachment 624798No!!!
Attachment 624796Damn. Worth a shot.
Attachment 624793I am simply looking out for you, Prince Jarvan, since you and Shyvana can never be together due to physical incompatibilities.
Attachment 624804What are you talking about?? We are more than compatible in every which way!
Attachment 624793Shyvana, come on now. You always turn into a dragon whenever you get excited.
Attachment 624804I do not!!
Attachment 624793Jarvan, tell Shyvana that you love her.
Attachment 624796Shyvana, I love you.
Attachment 624791Oh Jarvan! <3
Attachment 624793See!
Attachment 624804What?
Attachment 624793You turned into a dragon just now.
Attachment 624804Did not!
Attachment 624793Jarvan, tell her that her eyes are beautiful.
Attachment 624796Shyvana, you have the most gorgeous eyes.
Attachment 624791Oh Jarvan - wait! Damn it!
Attachment 624797Parrot. What are you doing here?
Attachment 624793Hey, Morello. I'm just setting the lore straight here between Quinn and Jarvan.
Attachment 624797Lore?? LAUGH OUT LOUD, silly parrot! We don't do lore anymore here at Riot Games!
Attachment 624794But... but... I like lore...
Attachment 624797Begone, parrot, and trouble yourself no more with this... *Morello's face wrinkles in distaste*.... this "lore"... if I should again find you meddling where you do not belong, I will smite your precious Leona repeatedly with my nerf bat until she become less viable than support Mordekaiser.
Attachment 624794This will not happen again, I swear! Please do not punish my beloved for my transgressions! Ninja vanish! *parrot vanishes*
Attachment 624797And as for you, Prince Jarvan, don't think I haven't noticed your popularity in tournaments and high elo play! Muhaha, ninja vanish! *Morello vanishes*
Attachment 624795Oh man. I am so screwed.
Attachment 624805Jarvan, please! Do not cry! It pains my very heart to see you weep... here, come rest your head against my chest...
Attachment 624795But... your boob window...
Attachment 624805Hush, my dear prince, it is okay... I do not mind...
Attachment 624798Oh no you don't, you scheming temptress! I'm not going down without a fight! *stuffs a bunch of sausage links into her mouth* See, Jarvan! I can do amazing things with my mouth, too!
Attachment 624796Whoa.
Attachment 624804Oh yeah? Let's see you do this, human! *stuffs a pot roast into her mouth*
Attachment 624796Whoa!
Attachment 624790Odd. Why are those ladies over there stuffing various foodstuffs into their mouth?
Attachment 624792Hey, why wasn't I invited to the eating contest??
Attachment 624790I'm not sure if they are participating in an eating contest, my dear chap. Is it me, or is Quinn carving out a boob window in her armor?
Attachment 624792Why, I be gobsmacked! She IS carving out a boob window in her armor!
Attachment 624794Nooo... Quinn... you must stay classy...

THE END

TLDR - Human form Shyvana can stuff an entire pot roast into her mouth.
This is too long. I'm just at work.


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Yoruichi

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Senior Member

02-27-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xelnath View Post
These threads are amazing.

Also, perhaps you all misunderstand Jarvan IV. Maybe he's secretly in love with Jericho Swain. I mean, he's clearly got daddy issues - he talks about his father the king all of the time.
Please don't call the prince a traitor. Especially a **** traitor. Thx.


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Scrappyboss13

Senior Member

02-27-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xelnath View Post
These threads are amazing.

Also, perhaps you all misunderstand Jarvan IV. Maybe he's secretly in love with Jericho Swain. I mean, he's clearly got daddy issues - he talks about his father the king all of the time.
NOOOOOO
Your title!