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-   -   Getting to High Elo for feeders (http://forums.na.leagueoflegends.com/board/showthread.php?t=588889)

Yellow Jester 03-17-2011 04:45 PM

Getting to High Elo for feeders
 
Hi there, I'm Yellow Jester. You might remember me from such threads as "how to cheat at league of legends" and "Mundo is the most OP carry in the game." As you can see, I'm obviously credible.

If you have found this guide chances are that you are a bad player and you want to troll people who will be more angry at you for doing so, i.e. high elo players. But how to get there? Don't you have to be GOOD to win matches? Ha, ha, ha, oh dear i'm sorry i nearly got that one out with a straight face. Of COURSE you don't. That's why you're here.

People always ask high elo players: "High elo players, why am I in this Elo? I don't deserve to be here." "Of course you do, timmy," says High elo players, "because if you didn't deserve to be there, you wouldn't be!" Of course this is all backed up by complicated numbers and theory, but most people just want to know how they can get out of what they refer to as "ELO HELL." Well fear not, timmys of the world, for I have the ever-so-simple solution.

Most people approach the question of how to win ranked games from the viewpoint that they are, as a player, not bad. This is ludicrous of course, and it has been scientifically proven that all high elo players are where they deserve to be and that low elo players are never good. Here is a common assumption:

Quote:

Originally Posted by some thread
:: There's 4 people on your team who could possibly be ragequitters/leavers/.etc (assuming you are not a ragequitter/leaver/.etc)
:: There's 5 people on the other team who could possible be ragequitters/leavers/.etc

The theory is that any good player would be able to carry the 4 bad players on their team, because there are 5 bad players on the opposing team. This can all be expressed mathematically (all good players are equally good, and all bad players are equally bad), but let's just skip to the details.

The problem with the above assumption is that it is fundamentally flawed! You ARE a ragequitter/leaver/etc, so if you are trying to read guides about how to get yourself out by being GOOD, the assumptions made at the very beginning don't even apply to you, and as such it's impossible for you to get any help out of the guide! Since there is, in any given game, between 1 and 4 other players on your team, and between 1 and 5 players on the enemy team, there is an 80% chance that in any given game you will be gifted a player who will be capable of carrying you. So really the secret to climbing your elo higher is to just queue up a TON of ranked games (preferably with a scrub friend of yours to increase the chance that the remaining 3 players on your team are able to carry you) and just pray for the best!

Let's hear from some testimonials:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grackis
I trolled constantly and now I'm number 5 on the solo queue servers. Thanks Yellow Jester!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bigfatjiji
Yeah that elementz guy is a right *****, we only hang out with him to inflate our numbers in the matchmaker queue to get a better challenge.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guardsman Bob
Matchmaking is a fat joke. I play solo mid warwick and stomp at 2000 elo.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elementz
The tier list is just something i fiddle with when I don't like the current meta. You'd be surprised how easy winning is when the bottom tier champs are a perfect counter to whatever i decide to put in "tier 1." suckers.

FAQ:
1
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Zafrada (Hozzászólás 7064822)
You are a gentleman and a scholar, Yellow Jester.

Should I support the good player? Or can I troll/feed non-stop and still gain Elo? Enlighten me.

Mister Safrada

All the guides written by High Elo players state that any good player should be able to carry any given 4 bad players. However since there is only ever 1 good player in any game (as evidenced by the first quote in the original post), any attempt on your part to be good will detract from the other player's ability to carry you. Keep trolling and don't stop until you feel the sweet victory of the enemy nexus exploding.

2
Quote:

Originally Posted by Satanizzer (Hozzászólás 7053156)
Thanks for writing such an amazing guide! I loved every word of it! However I consider myself to be good when in fact i'm an illiterate scrub and that's why i'm asking the following question: And what if i get lack of luck and always get 4 ULTRA BADDIES ? And they have only baddies ? WHAT NOW ? And trust me , this happens alot.

Hellow mister Satanizzer. I addressed this very question in the main post. Let me help you with that. It's ok, I know you are bad at reading, happens to the best of us.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dashingly Handsome Man
all good players are equally good, and all bad players are equally bad

As you can clearly see, the situation that you have just described is impossible and has never happened. Thanks for reading this thread, hope it helps!

3
Quote:

Originally Posted by samuwen (Hozzászólás 7053694)
Good sir, us over here on the british isles believe your maths to be inaccurate. You see, if you solo queue there is an 80% chance of having a gifted player on your team carry you. If you duo queue, you have two baddies on your team given, and thus only a 60% chance of having a gifted player.

I'm sure you'll correct this in no time at all. Pip pip cheerio.

Dear samuwen: Despite how counterintuitive it may sound, I'm right and you're wrong.

LoveOfProfit 03-17-2011 04:48 PM

Lol'd. Would read again.

Walter H White 03-17-2011 04:51 PM

I lol'ed.

Cat Girl Shrek 03-17-2011 04:52 PM

Yep

Xenos One 03-17-2011 04:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guardsman Bob
Matchmaking is a fat joke. I play solo mid warwick and stomp at 2000 elo.

I read that in his voice....i watch his streams too much

hydrogencar 03-17-2011 05:00 PM

This is fkin hilarious, nice post.

dragonrider88885 03-17-2011 05:07 PM

guardsman bob hasn't been to 2000 elo and he sucks bawls

Slaul 03-17-2011 05:18 PM

"Vegeta! What does the scouter say about this thread's power level?"
"IT'S OVER 9000!"

Ninja Fuhrer 03-17-2011 05:20 PM

Roit hier dis men1!11one!!

Sintar 03-17-2011 05:23 PM

Best. Would reply again.


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