Chronicles of The Exile (Ongoing)
Hello Summoners! I returned from my vacation in South Beach Florida, and am resumed working on my project, Chronicles of the Exile.
I have gotten tons of positive feedback on the matter, but two peculiar negative feed-backs I will discuss in this thread.
The first is, some advised me to give up a description in the forums, or better said a tease or sample of a chapter. He is kinda right, I have noticed that's what the majority of the fellow writers do in this side of the forums, buuuuuuuuut, I am just the kind of writer that likes to keep spoilers, leaking, and any sort of pre-information to a minimum. I will not be giving you samples of the chapter, but I will talk about the essence of the project, and a few whys.
Secondly, a person said Riven was too OP from the start, and also said, OMG WTF why she queen of Demacia, LORE RAGE!!!! First of all, its a fan fiction.... Also, if you play closer attention to what the story talks about, there is a note, that the novel begins stating certain time of certain things has passed, in which Riven was doing some training with X, Y master. Given the nature of the content, you will be reading chapters were flashes of the past occur, and fill you in as to how Riven is so powerful. But, her power is not that great, until the story keeps progressing.
So here is a base introduction:
This story is a huge project, a novella which features Riven as the main character. So don`t expect a simple thing without any complicated development behind it. This thing is already done, it has been worked out an entire year, written on my college notebook cause economy class was really really boring. Your favorite character will appear here, and he or she may not have a VERY drastic important role. In fact, most of the characters even if they appear once or twice, they completely turn things around and the plot gets very intense. This project includes comedy, drama, horror, suspense, romance and some exclusive and very rare passionate scenes. The base of this work is to project common themes that affect the daily teenager where he or she can identify him or herself with and evaluate it's wisdom, maybe learn something. Cause hey, we like having fun, and if we learn while having fun, we kill two birds with a stone.
P.S Teemo is a feeder
P.S p.s Tons of damage
Here is the link guys, have fun! Post on this thread or add me in game to discuss your opinions and what you would like to see in this ongoing series, and I still need an artist... You will be rewarded of course....
As requested, I will crack and bow down to the people who follows me on my friendlist... here is a sneak peak..... Tell me what chu all think!
Riven finds herself in that pitch black dark room. But, this time the darkness was more violent as it coursed over her body body like hungry tendrils. She screamed loud, but no one could hear her, the tentacles growing livelier by the second until she was pulled by them into a beast of horror. It had a mouth in shape of a circling spinal, that went deeper with grotesque teeth and more of the spawning dark tendrils. She felt the dive inside the slimy texture of the dark creature, and how her flesh was being devoured into pieces. The screams, the pain, the insane feeling, it all filled the void in this dream-state world. The pain abruptly wakes her up, and she finds herself in the middle of soldiers running loose from one side of the other, the sound of the war gongs and the horns all mix together perfectly, there was a war and she was a solider to one of the sides. She shakes her head, and recognizes a familiar voice: "Hey! Riven! Come on sis... I got you back. Don't look dull on us now, every men and women of Noxus is counting on your presence as a sign of sure crushing victory over Ionia!" Riven nods, it was only her friend in the front lines, Monica, who came to call her sister after fighting together in the war. She sees the men waiting for her lead, the blast of a catapult being the initial cue for her charge of valor. She lead her followers to a glorious massacre over the Ionian foot-soldiers, later being faced by their machinations and other traps. She sees how this could affect her friends fighting by her side, and tells them to defend the captured checkpoint while she took care of the machines and the other traps Ionia had in store. She went alone, barely hearing the words from Monica: "Riven! Come back! We are your friends! We can fight with you!"
"You thought the closer you are to your friends, the more you will hurt them?"
"The further you are from them...the greater their pain is to bear."
Riven snapped as the depths of the voice echoed trough the space of the scene she was put in. The sky turning into the beast it had devoured her, slowly descending and creeping in. Only this time it had a huge eyeball as it stared down and was recognized as the source of the voice. That one, disturbing eyes just flickering about and leaking out a gross acid tear, that melted down the scene as it fell on the ground beneath Riven's feet. Riven turned around, only to see the poison cloud of Singed's creation tear apart friend and alike. She runs, quickly as she could, arriving at Monica's pleading side, her hand stretched out for Riven's to catch. BUt it was futile she screamed: "Riven..you left us to die... you knew all along... Singed...his methods are....Riven....you ran like a false Noxian....I am disappointed in you.."
"I have lost faith in Noxus...because you ran away!"
"NO! That is not true! I did no run away! I wanted to protect you! Monica! Monica!!!" -Riven yelled at the top of her lungs as she tried reaching Monica's last hopeless attempt to find salvation. But the beast from above was falling heavy, devouring the flesh fo her friend before her very eyes. She saw the blood spill apart, organs and bones about, it ate all, and it came for her too. She ran and ran, but the harder she tried the more it would seem the nightmare woudl catch up with her, until she felt her extremities devoured by the creature...
Riven felt where she was, an empty space, just on the ground with no sense in her left arm or both legs. They were torn apart, and she struggled a bit to look down on herself and scream in a thousand horrors..
"No....what is broken can be reforged."
"No... I refuse to let it end like this, who are you to tell me that my past weights more than my resolution to the future?"
"Unhand me! Let me out! I will not remain here, in this broken past... I was made anew, I broke you to free myself of any ties in the past...Why do you still haunt me!!?!"
"I did abandon my friends... I thought I could carry the burden alone...and fight it to protect them."
"Yes... I know...I threw away their hopes, their dreams, their laughter, their passion for Noxus. But none of us was prepared for the atrocity that happened that day!"
"No... I will not give up...their lives did not end there.... I can feel their souls when I hold my blade... I know that all who fell before me, and next to me, I carry on for them... And I will not be undone, until I have fulfilled each and every last one of their undying dreams!"
Riven sees in front of her the burning images of all those faces she saw melt down and erupt into piles of bloody gross corpses when Singed had unleashed his venomous cloud over the field of battle she had last fought upon. At the last she sees Monica's face, she reaches out with her left ripped out arm, as if she could just have the chance to touch her cheek one last time. Monica was smiling, despite her face slowly being disfigured and turning into something abhorrent in nature, she was smiling, and Riven could see the light beyond all of the ugly,
I need feedback d:
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