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-   -   The Shadow Isle (http://forums.na.leagueoflegends.com/board/showthread.php?t=2362875)

stiyx 07-16-2012 01:52 AM

The Shadow Isle
 
This is my first attempt at a FF for league of legends and any game in general. Please enjoy and respond with helpful feedback it would appreciated greatly.
(note this will follow different champions point of view in different chapters)

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prologue

A time of peace had fallen over the Institute of War, most of the champions were sitting in the courtyard enjoying a beautiful day of summer. Sona sat under a tree and went about playing joyful tones on her etawhl and Talon sat back to back with Katarina sharpening there various knives and talking about the latest assassination techniques. The Ionian champions sat in the gardens meditating peacefully atleast everyone except for Kennen who was twitching in place eager to jump up and run around. Even Shaco had a genuine grin on his face even if he was stabbing a summoner in the back because he had made him do badly in his last match.

Most of the champions in the league were present on grounds except for the champions of the shadow isle's which was not uncommon as they kept to themselves or just were never seen by there fellow champs outside of league matches.



Chapter 1
Riven walked casually down the grand hall of the institute glancing around at the art that adorned the walls. As she walked a summoner ran up to her obviously in a hurry and shoved a letter into her hands and sprinted off muttering "got to find kennen..."

Riven opened the letter on the way to her room and it read "Riven, you have been chosen participate in this afternoons scrimmage match be prepared to summoned by 1:00 P.M." Riven casually walked in and fell on her bed " It's only 9:30" she thought " A short nap couldn't hurt."

She was woken up by the voice of a summoner saying " Riven, prepared to be summoned" she jumped up off the bed with just enough time to grab her sword before a blue pillar of light teleported her to the summoner's platform she looked around and saw that her teammates consisted of Veigar, Dr. Mundo, Miss Fortune, and Sona. They were given 30 secs to decide who would go where, after agreeing that Mundo would jungle he grabbed some pots and armor he dashed into the jungle yelling "Mundo goes where he pleases!" Riven grabbed some boots as directed by her summoner and headed top while Sona and Miss Fortune walked to bot lane. Veigar had wanted to go top but he was needed mid so with an angry hate filled expression he grabbed a doran's ring and and stomped his way up to mid lane.


"MINIONS HAVE SPAWNED" yelled the invisible announcer, Riven waited patiently for the little purple minions to walk up in the lane. They met in the middle with the other minions as they always did and proceeded to beat each other senseless. She ran up to slay a minion who was low on health when a crack appeared in the ground and and a claw burst forth dragging a white body with it. As she stared in shock the owner of the ghoul stepped out of the brush covered in dirt and wielding a shovel which from the look of it was decades old. She immediatly reccognized him as Yorick. Yorick looked at her face, gave a disturbing grin and said in a deep monolithic tone "looks like you've seen a ghost."


Riven looked up with a disturbed look on her face and retorted "vile creature, you shall peri-" her sentence cut short by an impact that sent her body to the floor. She tried to get up but a large metal hoof held her down, and as she looked up she heard a voice that shook the very ground around her "FEAR THE MIGHT OF THE SHADOW ISLES" and she was stabbed in through the chest with a spear. When she came back to life she was breathing heavily her body still jarred from the impact.

She asked her summoner "What the hell just hit me"

he replied in a serious tone "Hecarim"

"who?"

"Hecarim, The Shadow of War, he is a being from the Shadow Isles"

"do you know anything about him, a weakness or flaw, anything?"

"I am sorry, but I do not I have never had the oppurtunity to summon him"

"great" Riven sighed

She got back to top lane and tried to pick up some gold from minions but Yorick was making that excessively hard due to his ghouls that would attack Riven when ever she got close and whenever she cut one down another took its place. She thought to herself that if she could just hold the tower she could maybe hold out....she was wrong.

Stepping out from the shadows in the distance walking at first and then jogging and running and into a full sprint the fog curling around his hooves and as he galloped towards her the shadows started to form into nothing at first but near the end of his charge he bellowed " No mortal can withstand the might of the Shadow Isles!" he reached her and the shadows had formed into spectral riders nearly identical to Hecarim. The wave of unstoppable riders hit she blinked, and there she was 10 feet above the ground pinned against the turrets shield by a spear. On the other end of the spear was Hecarim she could barely hold off the pain, then she was dropped not being prepared for the fall shattered her one of her knees broken and bloodied riven looked up only to see the spears blade swinging downward onto her neck. All of of a sudden it was dark just pitch black for miles in every direction and she was floating in the blackness just her alone. She woke up in a hospital bed with an IV in her arm she looked around there was nobody.

She wondered "could that have just been a dream?"

Soraka came in several minutes later to check her vitals and saw she was awake
"You gave us quite the scare Riven"

"So that wasn't a dream?"

"no, you were placed into a catatonic state after Hecarim killed you on the Fields"

"wait, how?"

"well as you know when you die on a Field of Justice you are respawned later after a timer has ended"

"I know that but-"

"I was getting to that now where was I?- ahhh yes when you die you respawn with another chance. However what you don't know it that when you die there is no way to construct a new body so they reuse your old body and mend the wounds with powerful healing magic. But this magic can only help so much and it can not affect your mental stability, so when you were placed back in your body it shut down because of the mortal terror and fear that still lingered in your mind"

"so how long have I been out"

"Riven I'm sorry to tell you this but you've been in this state for a almost a year and a half"

Riven's eyes shot wide " HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!" she yelled out in anger

"Calm down, Riven calm down, please"

clutching her head with both hands she was muttering "this can't be it just can't"

she looked around "I have to go I need to think."

" I'm sorry to have to tell you this but there is no more Institute of War."

"what do you mean" her eyes growing narrow and tears starting to form.

"It's better that I show you we will leave tomorrow but please try to rest your still very weak."

Soraka brought her some fresh biscuits to eat for her to eat, and layed back down and passed out.

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please tell me what you think of it and whether I should continue it

stiyx 07-20-2012 01:09 AM

bump for feedback

BannanaCat 10-29-2012 11:50 PM

I think that you are doing a very good job and to keep it up! This community needs more material like this! If I could offer one possible criticism to improve your writing, try not to be as blunt about the characters. While we all know that Katarina and Talon are assassins, would they really talk openly about assassination techniques in public? Perhaps you could say that Talon and Katarina were listening to Sona, idly thinking of how they might go about killing her, or something similar. In addition, you do not have to be detail oriented in the way that you present yourself. You are presenting this piece to a community who understands League of Legends. Therefore there is no story value in you reminding us all of the name of Sona's instrument. What might be more constructive to the plotline would be to focus on what she is playing for the symbolic and inherent value; she is playing a happy tune, the scene is peaceful. Besides this, you have to work on your run-on sentences. Many of them feel meandering simply because of a lack of punctuation, when in fact there is great action and suspense to the story. Overall, I think that this piece is amazing. If you could address the issues I bring above, I can easily see this becoming one of the most powerful and compelling League of Legends fan fictions ever. Please, never be discouraged! I believe in you as a writer!

BannanaCat 10-29-2012 11:51 PM

LOL, oops. I forgot to answer your question xD. CONTINUE IT. PLEASE.

I'm sorry that it took me this long to respond. I have been a great fan of this piece for quite a while, but I simply didn't post anything. However, when I saw that there was no follow-up, I thought that perhaps you had been discouraged. PLEASE DON'T BE!!!! I know that I am 3 months late! Please forgive me! I should have said sooner what I thought. If you never check this page again, I guess that wouldn't suprise me. But if you ever just feel like checking just in case, here is this post. And I think that you're doing great.

stiyx 11-01-2012 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BannanaCat (Hozzászólás 30844943)
I think that you are doing a very good job and to keep it up! This community needs more material like this! If I could offer one possible criticism to improve your writing, try not to be as blunt about the characters. While we all know that Katarina and Talon are assassins, would they really talk openly about assassination techniques in public? Perhaps you could say that Talon and Katarina were listening to Sona, idly thinking of how they might go about killing her, or something similar. In addition, you do not have to be detail oriented in the way that you present yourself. You are presenting this piece to a community who understands League of Legends. Therefore there is no story value in you reminding us all of the name of Sona's instrument. What might be more constructive to the plotline would be to focus on what she is playing for the symbolic and inherent value; she is playing a happy tune, the scene is peaceful. Besides this, you have to work on your run-on sentences. Many of them feel meandering simply because of a lack of punctuation, when in fact there is great action and suspense to the story. Overall, I think that this piece is amazing. If you could address the issues I bring above, I can easily see this becoming one of the most powerful and compelling League of Legends fan fictions ever. Please, never be discouraged! I believe in you as a writer!

Thanks and I guess I can continue this. I'll probably start writing this again sometime this weekend. Only problem is that you caught me in the same week as the release of AC3 so chapters and what not will be a little spaced out until I can figure at a schedule for writing this. I will have a at least 2-3 chapters up a month if this story gets to that point. I actually forgot about this story and when I saw this on the front page of the FF forums I was a little shocked to see it lol.

USA Too Fast 11-01-2012 08:36 PM

fff

USA Too Fast 11-01-2012 08:37 PM

dd

stiyx 11-04-2012 04:33 PM

hey srry to who ever is waiting for the next chapter I got extremely busy this weekend and only wrote like half a chapter so I'll have to post chapter 2 next weekend I'm extremely srry for the delay if you are waiting.

stiyx 11-11-2012 01:39 AM

Guess this is chapter 2 and I've decided to make this into a
a multiple champion fanfic so here it goes:


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Chapter 2


Jax had been beating a training dummy into a pile of straw when he recieved his letter for the match that day.
He set his lamppost down and opened the crisp white enevelop, and it said that he would be particapating in a match
with Yorick, kennen, kog'Maw and Hecarim. For once in a very long time jax shuddered at the list of names. He had heard
stories of the people who had encountered the newest champion outside of the league. Men dying under foot and the ones
that lived were sent to asylums. " looks like it's going to be a long day" muttered Jax.

Several hours later Jax was summoned in a familiar blue light to the fields, he was deposited onto the platform surrounded
by his fellow champions. Yorick stood next to him eerily quiet before quickly throwing his small bag of coins at the shop
keeper demanding boots and several potions and trotted off to top lane. Several seconds later kennen and Kog'maw did the same
only Jax and Hecarim were left on the platform. Jax looked up at the creature he glowed a light blue with a fog appearing to
radiate from his being. Before long both of them had walked off to their lanes.

It wasn't long before the announcers cry for first blood rang throughout the rift. Jax asked his summoner who was slain
" The enemy top laner Riven was killed by Hecarim and Yorick" said the summoner. Kog'Maw yelled out as he was being shot by Miss Fortune, Jax not having anymore time to ponder the subject of the new champion leaped at Miss Fortune barely dodging the 50 caliber lead ball she had launched at him. Kog'Maw rained down bio-arcane barrage melting part of Miss Fortunes hat and Sona's dress. Driving them back to the turret and forcing them to drink the rest of their potions.

"An enemy has been slain!" cried the announcer. " Who was it this time" asked Jax
"It was Riven.... again. "

"Huh well I'd hate to be her."

"yeah and that's not the worst part she appears to have been disconnected from her summoner"

"Isn't that ya know near impossible"

"yes as far as I know but as for right now we are ending the match"

1 Week later

"Retreat! If you are receiving this message know that we have lost the northern front and all forces need to retreat to Demacia or Noxus. Freljord has been taken and we are losing the fight in Piltover"

"hurry take these messages to Grand general Swain and Jarvan IV" whispered a cloaked to figure to a small white dove.

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I hope you like this chapter unfortunatly it is a little short but I'll post a new chapter soon more than likely monday


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