-FanFic- Dark Coalition
Thanks to my friend GreenGloop I am proud to announce both Chp 4 and new edited versions of the first 3 Chapters! And from now, hopefully, all chapters will be edited before reaching you the readers like Chp 4 now :P
Chapter 1: The Keepers Brother
Somewhere inside the Institute of War, hidden away from the aristocrats, business men, and champions that make up the usuals who visit the halls sat a creature once meant to protect the universe’s greatest secrets. Now this creature, Renekton’s, only goal, only thought, was to kill his brother. A stiff breeze and the scent of rotted corpse filled the room as a cloaked figure manifested, holding a small crystal glimmering in the dim light.
"Renekton..." the cloaked man’s monotone voice echoed down the silent hall, "I have come, just like you requested."
"Aaah, Revinold, so Mordekeiser got the message did he? Well?"
"I have brought you what you asked for, this will allow you to communicate with the other champions imprisoned here, and of course I've enchanted it so no one will notice the magic frequencies as anything other then normal summoning magic."
"Are you sure?" Renekton questioned the spy.
"Of course. I wouldn't be Mordekeiser’s personal spy if I couldn't fool these pathetic summoners could I?" his monotone voice gaining the slightest bit of cockiness.
"And the deal with the Shadow Isles?"
"Yorick and Evelynn have agreed, but only if it turns out advantageous."
"Hmph, I should have expected as much from them... and our Noxian contacts?"
"Swain is... buttering up a few of his generals, but a man like him will have them agreeing to anything in no time, in fact I have a message from Cassiopeia."
"Yes, would you care to hear it?"
"Is it important?"
"Depends. How attractive do you think she is?"
"Bah, I haven't the time for this nonsense... if you have nothing else to report -"
"I do, " the man interrupted "It's about the recruit who was getting to close, it seems her clockwork counterpart is starting to have... dreams. It may only be a matter of time before it remembers what we're doing... however it seems to dislike “fleshlings” as it refers to them, perhaps it can become an ally?"
"I will let you deal with that."
The man placed the crystal in Renekton’s hand. He rigidly bowed and left, leaving no trace if his existence except his scent and the crystal that was now gripped tightly in the Butcher’s hand.
Renekton examined the crystal for several seconds, staring deeply into it.
Moments pass until it began to glow brightly in his scaled palm and a voice echoed out.
"Renekton, are you there?" a familiar voice rung out.
"Yes Brand. Any word from Cho' Gath and Nocturne?"
"Yeah, they're working on Cho'gath’s leash at the moment, normal maintenance, and Nocturne is being interviewed for the Journal. They'll be with us as soon as possible."
"Excellent," Renekton paused, gathering his thoughts. A small smirk passed his leathery maw before he finally began to speak again, "did you make contact with The Dark Child in your last match?"
"Yes, it went over well. She seemed to like the idea of our game; however, it seems Anivia has taken it upon herself to watch over the child."
"This is why I told you to be as discreet as possible."
"I'm a mass of fiery rage how discreet do you want me to be?"
Strange cracking noises began to emanate from the crystal before another voice joined the conversation.
"So, you wish for the aid of the void?"
"Ah, Cho'gath, about time, I expect you had a pleasant time?" Brand said mockingly, accompanied by a soft chuckle.
"Enough Brand, or perhaps you don't want to escape your bonds?" Renekton spoke up to prevent any arguments.
"Fine fine, so, what's the plan?" Brand asked.
"Yes, I'm interested too, what exactly is your idea?" The Terror, Cho’Gath, questioned.
"You'll know soon, we're still waiting on Nocturne."
"Wait no longer," a whispery voice echoed.
"So, he's here, can we get on with it?" Brand said impatiently.
"Oh? And here I was expecting your usual dry wit Brand. Perhaps you're afraid of the dark?" Nocturne taunted.
"Enough! Both of you!" Renekton shouted into the crystal, "I didn't contact you to bicker!"
The room grew quiet. The crystals hummed softly as Renekton prepared his thought.
"Now that I have you all here, we'll get started," Renekton inhaled deeply, "as you all know, recently there's been a bit of... combat outside the Leagues permission.”
"The whole Kassadin thing?" Brand spoke up.
"Yes." Renekton replied.
"What does that have to do with us?" Nocturne asked.
"Nothing directly, however, because of these events there seems to be a bit of an outcry from the public. They want champions on tighter leashes."
"So? This doesn't -" Brand starts
"Silence!" Cho'gath shouts over Brand, "let him continue."
"Thank you Cho' gath. As I was saying, they want champions on tighter leashes, however there's no way their factions will allow such things. Now tell me, how do we use this information to our benefit?"
Silence. None of the other champions had an answer, none but the mastermind behind this entire plot.
"We merely have to press the issue."
"Press it? How do you propose we do that?" Brand said becoming impatient.
"You'll leave that to me and my associates," a deep, heavy voice spoke slowly through the crystal.
"Mordekeiser, I didn't know you'd be in on the conversation. I would have waited." Renekton said with a delighted chime in his voice.
"Ok, and why exactly are we involved if you have all of this planned?" Nocturne asked after his long silence.
"The summoners have us locked up for a reason. They fear us. Separate we're powerful, but still out matched and out numbered; however, if we work together we'll crush this puny world easily."
"All you want is your brother though, right? Besides, you're acting far more... intelligent than I would have assumed you capable of being, who's really in charge?" Brand asked doubtingly.
"Heh... I've spent my entire life guarding ancient secrets in a massive library, in the past I was a scholar. Do you honestly think I wouldn't use that towards my goals?"
"Before you were simply blinded by rage, but now you're blinded by rage and you're thinking. This time in confinement seems to have done you well." Brand remarked sarcastically.
"Oh? Don't tell me you could have gotten even half as far as I already have, if so, why didn't you do it earlier?"
Brand remained silent.
"Got you there Brand," Nocturne said gleefully.
"My match is in a few minutes, my spy is setting the ground work as we speak. After this match we'll see plenty of aggression out of Kassadin and Malzahar. The stage is set for when that happens. Swain will be waiting for you all at the base of mount Targon once we make the break. Any questions? Good, I'm leaving this signal now crush your crystals and wait for the sign."
- To be continued-
About the author
Hello viewers, I am the writer of this here little story. I have tried my best to keep to what I believe to be the accurate personalities of each character while just throwing a few things in myself that may not be entirely... "canon" for instance I think most would agree that Rene isn't all that intelligent or focused but thinking of his backround I think his motive my drive him to a more cunning insanity, but I could be wrong. I am an inspiring author so I want any and all feed back on how I can improve, yadda yadda you know. If you like it that's cool if you didn't that sucs because that means I need to get better. So if you have anything to say about anything please let me know
nice premise, the enslaved "evil" champions forming an alliance with the help of an outside benefactor and Swaim. could be pretty interesting.
as for the characterizations, while i do see where your coming from with Renek. I do feel he is coming off as far to calm and collected. He can be intelligent, but im really not feeling the fury that his character is supposed to be all about
And I do agree he could be more "rawr" so when I expand on to the next part that includes him I'll really up the rage a tad, what I think I'll do is make him progressively more violent. More like the Kira effect (if you watched Death Note) where as time went by he got more and more disturbed to the point of flat out laughing meniacally when he thought he won. Starts of calm early to try and out think, strategize, and plan but in the end a crazed madman :3
SO far mostly positive looking for flaws so I can improve someone please berate me
Chapter 2: Calm Before the Storm
In the lands of the near extinct Wuju clan, Master Yi and Lee Sin stand before the headstones of those lost from Singed's brutal experiments.
"Thank you, Lee Sin, for honoring them with me." Yi spoke softly, kneeling before a headstone covered in flowers.
"Of course, we are friends after all…" Lee Sin’s words trailed off with the sound of worry in his voice.
"You came with me to do more than visit these graves. Please, what bothers you?"
Lee tilted his head down and sighed sharply, “it's about that day... My last day at the academy..."
"Does it still bother you?"
"It will always bother me, but that burden is not what's on my mind right now," Yi tilted his head in confusion as Lee Sin continued, "it's about the summoning I made. I felt like... I felt like I had it down, everything was perfect. Or so I thought, for so long I've had an uneasy feeling, like something or someone purposely interfered. I may be right..." Yi remained silent and his expression went stern.
"What exactly do you mean?"
"My summoning, the accident with that recruit Orianna, Kayle's plague... they're connected."
"Are you sure?"
Lee Sin didn't respond. For several minutes the two remained completely silent. A delicate breeze picked up the leaves from Maokai’s newly grown trees and sent them fluttering around them. "No," Lee Sin finally said. He began walking away, then paused and tilted his head to the sky, "but something in the air… feels off. Do you feel it?"
"I have been getting this strange premonition as well. I thought it was me being superstitious."
"No. Even Udyr agrees and his instincts aren't often wrong. Come. There’s a match about to start," Lee sin said before walking away.
"A match? Why are you suddenly so interested in league matches?"
"It's only this one I'm interested in. It's between Kassadin and Malzahar. I've been watching those two very closely since their recent battles."
"Oh? Does Malzahar worry you?"
"It's not so much Malzahar as it is Kassadin. He's been on edge and I have a feeling he may end up doing something drastic since he’s lost his daughter."
"I don't quite follow."
"His knowledge of the void is great. I just don't want anything to happen to him in case we need his abilities."
"So now it's the void that worries you?" Yi chuckled, "now I'm beginning to think you're paranoid."
"Hmph! Says the man who needs seven eyes to fight when I require none."
"Hah, perhaps we can take this argument up in the Twisted Treelines later in a practice match!"
"Perhaps..." Another breeze rolled in. Lee's body tensed as he paused, scanning the area with a thick sense of unease. "Yi..."
"I know..." Yi said as he drew his blade, "I know."
-To be continued-
With this chapters I wanted to establish who our protaganists are and their relationship, I wanted Lee and Yi to be old homies really, I know lore wise these two haven't been mentioned in the same sentence but their general attitude makes them feel like they'd be good friends
Nice story, waiting for more... :)
Chapter 3: Sumoners Rift
"Welcome everyone, young and old, to another exciting League battle!" The announcer casted, live to all of Runeterrra, his voice excited and lively, "today we have a very special match for you! A battle of the Void in mid lane! On the Purple side we have...KASSADIN!" He announced loudly as the crowd went into an uproar. "And on Blue side... MALZAHAR!" The crowd erupted once more, eating up every moment of the man’s enthusiasm, "accompanying Kassadin will be: the beautiful and lawful, Caitlyn, the strong and noble, Jarvan IV, the mystical mistress of music, Sona, and finally, heading to the jungle, The Senechal of Demacia himself Xin Zhao!!!" More cheering and a few Demacians exploded from the crowd, "and assisting the serpent-like Malzahar is the disgusting, oozing Kog' Maw, the monster of metal, Mordekeiser, the cruel baker, Morgana, and finally, heading to the jungle, the beast of Zaun, it's Warwick!" The crowd roared with excitement.
Back on the battlefield the teams were preparing for the fight to come.
"Mordekeiser," Morgana said as they were making purchases at the platform.
"What?" Mordekeiser asked very bluntly.
"I want in."
"I'm no fool! Renekton's planning something. He's after his brother! Nasus and my sister are very… close. If he's hunting for Nasus, that'll lead me to my sister."
"Hmph, so, why should I let you-"
"Because my men on the inside far out number yours," she interrupted very demandingly
"Fine then, I suppose Renekton can't complain with a like mind around," Mordekeiser flung his mace on his massive shoulder pad. "Just let the battle play out naturally. We'll be moving out of here soon. When we do, head to mount Targon immediately."
"The place the new girl came from? Why? What's-"
"To many questions can get a person killed."
"Hmph, I'd like to see you-"
"Minions are spawning, minions are spawning!" Kog' Maw shouted as he ran down towards the bottom lane.
"You'd better be pulling your weights," Warwick growled as he headed towards the blue golem
"Letsss get this started," Malzahar said moving toward the middle lane of the battlefield.
On the other side of the field...
"Kassadin, I understand that dirty law breaker has hurt you but-"
"Save it Caitlyn. I don't want to hear it." Kassadin retorted in a spiteful tone.
"She speaks the truth. Remember your mission. Do not let your anger get ahead of you," Xin Zhao interjected.
Sona looked back and forth between everyone, smiled, and then played a calming chime hoping to lighten the mood.
"Hehe. Thank you, Sona. I'm glad you're so cheery. This seriousness can really bring a girl down," Caitlyn said, smiling happily at Sona.
"Minions are spawning girls, let Kassadin be. He won't do anything,” Jarvan stated, trailing his final words off into a mumble, “atleast I hope not.”
"Of course, my prince," Xin Zhao bowed and left toward the double golems, the first monsters on his jungle route.
In the jungle
"Hello there, Seneschal," Warwick, the Blood Hunter, said as he approached Xin Zhao finishing off the wraiths.
"Invading so soon? You've really gotten cocky," Xin Zhao smiled and readied his spear.
He charged Warwick. The blood hunter sidestepped the spear and pounded his massive paw down against Xin's chest. Xin Zhao staggered back, he headed into a nearby bush and drank a potion. Warwick made chase. The two confronted again closer to the Elder Red Lizard. Warwick pounced as Xin happily responded with his famous Three Talon Strike, launching Warwick into the air. Warwick landed less than gracefully, then proceeded to leap onto his opponent. He held Xin down and struck him repeatedly, healing his own wounds with each strike. Xin Zhao kicked the beast off, struck him with another charge and finished him off with a final great sweep.
"You're tougher then I thought," Xin said, panting as he stumbled to a bush to head back to his team’s platform. Before he could make his return, Mordekeiser appeared and, with a wave of his mace, he turned the weakened Xin Zhao into a ghost puppet.
Mordekeiser laughed before heading back to his lane.
In the middle lane
"So, how's the family Kass? Oops, did I strike a note? Sorry. Wouldn't want to be stepping on any toes," Malzahar taunted cockily.
"You!" Kassadin teleported through a void rift and struck out against Malzahar. With one wave he emitted a powerful pulse of energy.
"Impressive, but…" Malzahar paused and created a black pool of energy beneath Kassadin, "but you fell into my trap!" Malzahar looked into Kassadin’s eyes, suppressing him.
"No... you've fallen into mine!" Kassadin announced as Jarvan rushed Malzahar from the bushes concealing his position.
As Kassadin retreated from middle lane, Malzahar and Jarvan battled. Jarvan launched his lance at him. Barely dodging Jarvan’s assult, Malzahar attempted to retaliate, but Jarvan released his standard and lept onto Malzahar, and after only a few mighty blows, Jarvan managed to strike him down.
"Demacia!" Jarvan shouted into the crowd as they all went wild after the exciting display.
The battle went on, the combined efforts of Kog' Maw and Morgana in bottom lane proved too strong for Sona and Caitlyn. Their tower was the first to crumble. In response to the loss, Kassadin and Xin Zhao pulled off an amazing sneak attack in top lane, resulting in a tower, and a kill on Mordekeiser. After top lane went down, Warwick, Kog' maw, and Morgana killed the dragon in the forest, gaining each of their teammates 190 gold, and proceeded to push the middle lane. Kassadin and Xin Zhao were able to hold them off their tower and push them back. Now at a stand still, Mordekeiser’s plan went into effect.
Kassadin screamed out. He grabbed onto his chest, dropped his weapon, and fell to his knees in agonizing pain.
"Kassadin!" Caitlyn screamed as she began running over to him. Warwick quickly stepped out and intercepted her.
"Let's make this fun!" Warwick howled as he attacked the Sheriff. Horror coursed through her veins with the realization that she was alone, injured, and trapped.
Warwick dashed at her, striking out. He could tell in that last grab, he was able to shred flesh. In a desperate attempt to escape, Caitlyn launched her net at Warwick. He instantly shredded the net and suppressed Caitlyn, sending her back to her platform.
"Well, well, Kassadin," Warwick said, standing over the Riftwalker as Malzahar approached, "what are you gonna do?"
Kassadin looked up wearily at the Prophet and Warwick, still clenching his chest. "What...What did you..." he said breathing heavily.
"Me?" Malzahar laughed, "You make too many assumptions."
"Who else?" Kassadin asked.
"You get one guess," Mordekeiser said before bringing his mace down on Kassadin’s back.
"You," Kassadin coughed, "but, why are you...?"
[/b]In the summoner’s chambers[b]
"Hey!" One of the summoners shouted, "What are you doing? He's too injured. Hurry up and call him-" he started before falling over, a dagger sticking out of his back.
"That was easy," Revinold said, removing his cloak.
"Well, you know what they say: take pride in your work," the assassin standing next to Revinold said menacingly as he revealed himself to be Shaco, the Demon Jester. "Well then, let's not keep the crowd waiting. It's time for the punch line."
"Couldn't have said it better my self," Revinold nodded for the remaining summoners, allies of his, to get in position "Alright, we're going to… disturb the other summoners, this will force league officials to take action. After that, we head for where our men are locked up and make the break."
"Yes master," the faux summoners said in unison.
"Good. Now Shaco, if you would."
"Oh it'd be my pleasure," Shaco disappeared. A few seconds passed in silence and then screams erupted from the next room. "All done," Shaco stated as he reappeared covered in blood.
"Excellent. Well then, let's get going," Revinold said as part two began.
-To be continued-
All-in-All I like the story. It has a good plot and you have added a bit of personality to the champions; which, for the most part, I enjoy. The more in-depth descriptions of champion's abilities flowed rather well. I also like that you involved the summoners, as they are often forgotten about.
Now, for my few negative points. First of all, you are conveying Malzahar as a bit of a cocky ne'er-do-well, whereas he is actually a "good guy," out to protect Valoran. Secondly, you use a lot of in-game lingo and abbreviations. An outsider wouldn't understand the "taking Dragon," "Golem buff," or even suppress used in that sense. Referring to Caitlyn as "Cait" is something that should only be done in character dialogue from those that are close to her, not from the narrative perspective.
This concludes my review. Look forward to reading more ;)
P.S. You may be confushinf Kassadin with Malz, Kassadin is protecting Valoran, Malz is a wicked void worshipper who tossed Kass's daughter into the void :P
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