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-   -   Great Works of Literature LoLified. (http://forums.na.leagueoflegends.com/board/showthread.php?t=1770369)

StarcallMeMaybe 01-31-2012 09:21 AM

Great Works of Literature LoLified.
 
So I've been rewriting great works of literature with a lol theme. It's over in general discussion but is this a better place to post it?

Cerubois 01-31-2012 09:30 AM

Absolutely. But you might want to change the 'LoLified'... *snicker* 'loli-fied'...

StarcallMeMaybe 01-31-2012 09:38 AM

That's actually intentional. I get to make jokes about it and sneakily bump the thread that way. Anywho, prepare for writing dump.

StarcallMeMaybe 01-31-2012 09:39 AM

Teh Ahri (spoof of The Tyger by William Blake)

Ahri! Ahri! Orb burning bright
Contest the mid lane of the fight,
What Develop’r hand or eye
Could make thy fearful forum cry?

In what distant creeps or ganks
Burnt the fire of games ranked?
On what comp doth she aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the (fox)fire?

And what /L, & what splash art.
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And with thy runes and masteries,
What dodged charm? and what slow feet?

What the Rylais? what the Tome?
Send the orb to Gangplank’s dome!
What be positioning? What DF grasp?
Dive the tower, murder Kass!

When the Panths threw down their spears,
And watered the Rift with their tears,
Did she smile her work to see?
Did he who made Akali make thee?

Ahri! Ahri! Orb burning bright
Contest the mid lane of the fight,
What Develop’r hand or eye
Could make thy fearful forum cry?

StarcallMeMaybe 01-31-2012 09:40 AM

The Night Before EVEsmas!
(spoof of The Night Before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore)

Twas January 30th, when all through the rift
Not a minion was stirring, not even a bit.
The lanes were in motion, items chosen sans care,
In hopes that Eve was not headed there.

And Garen was nestled all snug in top’s bush,
While the Sona/Graves bot decided to push.
With Cassie in mid, and Eve in the jungle,
blue team was unhappy with the champ select bungle.

When out of the jungle she came without warning,
a blue little tramp with cloth/5 and nothing.
Straight towards the carry she ran like a flash,
pinged Soraka once and ravage/ignited her ass.

Soraka fell back and Vayne charged right in
Tumble, silverbolt, condemn surely would win.
When, who to the spam pinging bot should appear,
But a sassy blue *****, and her two pieces of gear.

With a lantern and boots, so basic and cheap,
Soraka and Vayne found themselves up **** creek.
More rapid than heals her Hatespike spam came,
And ravaged, and stealthed, and called them coarse names!

"Now Sona! now, Graves! now, Cassie and Garen!
Push your lanes forward, it is time to get dragon!
Ward the bush in the river and one near the wall!
Now back to your lanes or the towers will fall"

As Eve smote golems, top pinged without ceasing,
she ran up the river though twas a b she was needing
So up to the bush, to gank Nasus with Garen
Dat slow with dat spin made quite the paring.

And then, in a twinkling, her hp was melted
A wither and farmed Q made sure she had felt it.
As I purchased my sheen, Boots5 caught my eye,
Aha! Here they are. Now this blue tart can fly!

Spawned back at base, newly outfitted
Eve ran to middle to see Cass was assisted.
And Eve ran in stealthed, a ravage approaching,
Lux, you have been slain. Your lazer’s worth nothing.


3-1-and 5 her game going well
Pings! Top and Bot! The towers going to hell
Her cackling laugh was spammed as she ran,
Ravaged Nasus up top, another kill for Garen.

The towers were few and builds nearly finished,
It’s time for team fights. Now which lane gets it?
And all as a group they moved up mid lane,
knocked over the tower, and to the second they came.

When out of the Jungle came Lux with blue buff
Soraka and Vayne from the right, it was gonna be tough
And nasus showed up, and so did their jungle
They all yelled in All chat, “The hell you been Trundle?”

Then a team fight broke out, but blue team had the edge,
A blue little harlot with spikes on her legs
And stealthing in close she unloaded her kit,
took down the troll then ran off for a bit.

She sprang to the jungle, to her team gave a whistle,
“I’ll backdoor top, you all push middle..
But I heard her exclaim as she ran through the fields,
"It takes a lot of effort to move in these heels"

StarcallMeMaybe 01-31-2012 09:43 AM

The Rime of the Ancient Carrier
(spoof of The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge)

Part I

It is a field of justice,
And it’s made of lanes three.
Be thou top or mid or double bot?
Now wherefore laneth me?

The jungler’s path is opened wide,
And I am next him;
The leash is made, the gank is set:
Mayst we have a 20 minute win.'

He pings the brush with yellow dot,
"There was a blip," quoth he.
`Hold off! Don’t smite, you noobish loon!'
Eftsoons her smite dropped she.

She pulls the golem to the bush -
The entire team stood still,
And waited for their jungling fool:
Our jungler has her blue.

The mid lane Ryze sat by the tower:
He cannot stun quite yet;
And thus he farmed the minion waves,
his goddess tear to get.

"And Vlad appeared, the rogue mage cleared,
Merrily did he drop
A point into rune prison,
Below the tower top.

Then Vlad went left towards the bush
Up from bots jungle came she!
And red shone bright, and on the right
came Sejuani for kill number 3.

Farther, farther up they push
Till past the middle of mid lane"
The Crimson fool, sank to his pool
his wards had saved his game.

The gank had failed, his back up bailed
Half health of now is he;
Ryze cleared the wave, to Vlad
he gave the pants as he went b.

The solo top, was doing well
a creep score skyward soaring;
but Yorick vs Nasus top,
isn’t anything but boring.

"And now the bot lane sprang to life, and Graves
Was playing dumb:
He struck with a buckshot blast,
but missed the other two.

With mantras floating and shield aglow,
Karma shuffled forward
while Cait laid traps all in the bush to keep,
blue from pressing onward,
The lane moved fast, loud roared the cast,
And /all chat scrolled on downward.

And now there came both gripe and blame,
And it grew more hostile still:
And Ryze was busy still with Vlad,
Whose score was worsened still.

And through the foggy, brushy jungle
Did come to Yorick’s aid:
Not bears, or cats, or magic trees -
but a hot chick on a pig.

The ice was here, the ice was there,
The ice was all around:
It slowed and spun, and the ghouls were done,
Now Sejuani is +1!

At length did cross a dragon boss,
Through river they came;
As it had been a key mid play
they took lead in the game .

All went b, their gear to buy
And back to lanes they went.
Graves had bought a bf sword;
On wards Karma’s gold was spent!

And Cait was busy farming creeps;
while dodging smoke grenades,
And every day, for sport and play,
Graves dashed in to melt her face!

In Mid the tower nearly down
was making Vlad irate;
Throughout the game, Ryze poked and poked,
that ****able mana tank."

`You effing noob, you’ll soon be through
Your tower I will take -
Why look'st thou so?' -"Art thou mad bro?
Ryze laughed as mid was won.

StarcallMeMaybe 01-31-2012 09:44 AM

Part II

"The game now went from fight to fight:
all of the laners raged,
Still hid in mist, and on the left
Sejuani stalked her prey.

And the solo Yorick saw her gank,
But no help saw he to give,
instead he fled and b’d!
Sejauni raged “Quit ranked!”

And Vlad had done a hellish thing,
And tried to dive for Ryze:
For mid was lost, Ryze had no pots
Vlad landed the killing blow.
Ah scrub! said they, when Ryze was slain,
and gave Vlad that killing blow!

Now blue or red, in Sejuani’s head,
The glorious buffs did swirl:
Then blue’s bot cheered, the pig was here
and on cait her ult was hurled.
'Twas right, said they, such champs to slay,
and ult that worthless girl.

The bot lane pushed, the turret crushed,
The ran into the woods;
They ran the path to mid at last
as tower pushers should.

Down dropped the dog, his Q quite farmed,
'Twas bad as bad could be;
A team fight mid was brewing fast
Ryze shouted “All to me!”

All in a hot and tangled mess,
The bloody fray at mid,
Right up to blue teams tower now,
Came purple’s jungle Fidd.

He crept and snuck, and crawled and lurked,
Along the mid lane’s edge;
He channeled for a moment more then
CAWCAWCAWCAW dead.

Crowstorm, crowstorm, every where,
And all the blues did shrink;
Crowstorm, crowstorm, every where,
Not anywhere to blink.

The very lane did fall: O Christ!
That ever this should be!
Yea, Fiddles sudden ultimate
turned Purp’s danger to victory

About, about, in reel and rout
The blue team ran away;
The second of their middle towers,
was not for long to stay.

And Yorick didn’t come to help,
he stayed up top to push;
Ninety health the tower had
the creeps were in no rush.

And every tongue, through utter rage,
Was directed at the ghoul;
He could not speak the native tongue,
of the server called NA.

Ah! well-a-day! what evil luck
Had I from old and young!
Instead of english, came HUE HUE HUE
and blue team then was done."

StarcallMeMaybe 01-31-2012 09:46 AM

Part III (Wherein this silliness ends)

Part III
There passed a weary time. Each lane
Was pushed, and warded too.
Thank the devs there’s no deny!
How the tables had been turned -
When looking topward, Ryze beheld
A something in running by.

At first it seemed a futile ploy,
And then it seemed still lame;
It moved and moved, and took at last
the inhib turret in top lane.

A bet, a chance, a far off hope!
And still he pushed and pushed:
As if the pride of this BR,
would make his team mates hushed.

With ghouls aplenty, with shovel raised,
He just could not be stopped;
Through utter luck all dumb we stood!
Ryze lold in /all, Graves went back bot,
And Yorick toppled top!

With ghouls aplenty, with shovel raised,
he blasted through the turret:
HUE HUE HUE HUE was all he said
And all at once the team joined in,
with the strange Brazilian undead.

Hee hee! (Ryze cried) I’ll stack some more!
a rabadon’s for me;
Without a thought, without a care,
He ran to Sejuani!

The topward push left all agape,
The game was well nigh done!
Almost upon the bottom tower
Graves and Karma now had run;
When that strange pair drove suddenly
and downed the bottom one.

And straight purple’s rage was voiced,
(Heaven's Mother send us grace!)
As if through a thousand fails
this game would bring disgrace.

Alas! (thought they, and their hearts beat loud)
How fast they push the lanes!
Will any of these worthless scrubs,
call out their mias?

Where is their top? And jungler too?
The questions flew like birds.
Vlad had quit 5 minutes ago
Is the game done? Hath it ended so?
Is this the way most games must go?

Sejuani with red, Ryze with blue,
Yorick’s cs through the roof:
Graves was fed and Karma too,
The Nightmare of the final push,
“Let’s win this game” said blue.

The team advanced,
And the inhibs crushed two towers now remain;
`The game is done! We've won! We've won!'
Quoth they, and /L’d thrice.

The towers fall; the creeps rush out:
At one side comes the four;
A final stand they guess they’ll make,
since surrender failed 2/4.

They pounded on the purple nexus!
it’s health bar dropping fast,
And purple team was aced by Ryze!
The creeps were gone, and the nexus done,
The blue team’s win was now confirmed;
From the victors /L /D
with GG noobs erupting constantly.

One after one, they clicked continue,
To see the K/D/As,
And purple had just one request
when both teams had reached the menu.
“Report our Vlad” was purples plea,
“If he were here we would have had you. “

Ryze just gg’d and clicked on home
(and the junglers shot the breeze)
Yorick just went HUE HUE HUE,
And Graves went to play 3s.

Sometimes you win sometimes you lose
(and sometimes you get **** on)
Even in a game like this
Be glad you don’t play HoN!"

StarcallMeMaybe 01-31-2012 09:57 AM

Comments/suggestions/hate/romantic advances are always welcome.

StarcallMeMaybe 01-31-2012 11:29 AM

Part 3 is up, shameless self bump


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